Civil Servant in Romance Fantasy

Lately, I’ve been feeling off. No, to be precise, I simultaneously felt happy and a bit disappointed.
“Mar, I’m going to head back now.”
Carl’s visits to the Vice President’s office have become noticeably shorter. It wasn’t just my imagination; it was a fact.
This was the time of day I looked forward to the most. Of course I appreciate his daily visits, but I wish he could stay a bit longer.
“Are you leaving already?”
“Yes, I have things I need to do.”
So I cautiously spoke up, but Carl responded with a smile.
I felt tempted to cling to him and ask him not to go, but I couldn’t do that. He said he had things to do, and I couldn’t interfere with that.
Yet, I couldn’t let him go just like that.
“Carl.”
After calling his name, I opened my arms wide. As I looked at him silently, Carl chuckled and then hugged me.
Yes, this makes everything better. My heart felt more at ease.
‘I wish we could stay like this forever.’
I wish he wouldn’t go anywhere and just keep holding me.
As if he knew what I was thinking, Carl whispered in my ear.
“I’m sorry, Mar. I’d love to stay with you longer, but I can’t.”
‘My body, please stop shaking while we’re hugging. It’s embarrassing if he notices.’
“It’s okay. There must be a good reason for it. I understand.”
I managed to say, trying to calm my shaking body and heart. It would be a lie if I said I wasn’t disappointed.
But Carl had always been committed to our time together. If he suddenly had to leave, I’m sure there must be a significant reason. I’m not sure why he’s been so preoccupied lately, though.
I didn’t press him on where he was going or what he was doing. Showing this much trust might touch him deeply, after all.
That was what my fourth sister advised during a recent call.
‘She’s probably right.’
My sister had a happy marriage and many children, so she couldn’t be wrong.
So, I let him go. We had plenty of time ahead of us; I couldn’t start showing signs of a controlling and oppressive wife now.
I shuddered as I imagined Carl saying that with a cold expression on his face.
No, that can’t happen. I can’t bear the thought of Carl hating me.
“See you tomorrow, Carl.”
I waved him off with the brightest smile I could muster.
I couldn’t bear to be disliked by Carl, but I trusted him. If he wasn’t telling me something, then it was probably because I didn’t ask rather than because it was something needed to be hidden. I had to believe that.
Yes, that must be it. I trust Carl.
***
“I’ll be going now. I had a great time today.”
The next day, Carl left early again.
But it’s okay since I trust him more than anyone else.
***
“Ah, it’s time to go.”
He left his seat the next day as well.
It’s okay. I love and trust Carl more than anyone in this world.
***
“I’m sorry, but I think I need to leave first.”
…I trust him…
I bit my nails as soon as Carl left the Vice President’s office.
‘Why…?’
For a few days, I understood. Carl had to be busy with work or personal matters.
But as it stretched beyond a week and was reaching the end of the second week, I couldn’t help but feel anxious. What was going on? It can’t be normal for him to be this busy, right?
And we promised to always talk to each other and to share the truth without hiding anything. If was something this significant, then surely he would have mentioned it by now.
‘Is it an issue he can’t discuss with me?’
At that moment, my mind went blank. If he had matters he had to hide from me, things he shouldn’t tell me…
Again, I recalled the advice given by my fourth sister. She said that while showing affection was important, the other person might take it for granted and become indifferent if it was too one-sided.
‘Is it true?’
I felt a chilling dread. Had Carl really grown tired of me? Could his heart have wandered to someone else?
No. Our relationship isn’t one-sided. Carl definitely loves me too. We’re in a reciprocal and not a unilateral relationship.
‘…Are we really?’
It was hard to stop the train of negative thoughts once they started.
Carl always said he would be honest with me. He said there would be no more secrets. And since then, we’ve shared moments of laughter and togetherness.
But strictly speaking, we had never formally committed to being together. There had been no talk of engagement or marriage.
Maybe I was the only one who was happy to be with him. Maybe Carl was only with me out of guilt. Maybe he harbored feelings for someone else—these terrifying thoughts lined up one after another.
‘No.’
I clenched my fists tightly.
***
Though it was unbefitting for a lady of my status, I followed Carl. I needed to see with my own eyes what was happening to ease this growing anxiety.
Still, I avoided tailing him directly. Carl’s knack for sensing someone’s presence meant I’d be easily caught if I attempted to follow too closely.
‘Just like father.’
Whenever I tried to sneak up behind my father as a child, he would suddenly turn around and startle me. Do all warriors have such keen senses?
Anyway, I asked passing students to track down Carl’s destination and arrived at a building housing the teachers’ labs.
‘What is this?’
The location caught me off guard. While it would be surprising to find Carl anywhere, the teachers’ lab were peculiarly intriguing.
I cautiously moved forward, peering into each research lab. Through the windows, I saw teachers engaged in discussions with their assistants or those left alone, possibly because the teacher was in class.
After some time, I finally spotted a familiar figure.
‘It’s Carl.’
I crouched down as soon as I spotted him, fearing he might see me through the window.
Lifting my head slightly, I saw a sign reading ‘History Teacher Gerhardt.’ History… I still couldn’t see the connection to Carl.
‘The swordsmanship department would be more believable.’
That would have made more sense. After all, that was where Young Lord Erich belonged.
“—way, —much—?”
“—you—!”
As I pondered the link between Carl and history, voices came from inside the research lab. Naturally, I couldn’t make out the details.
I tried to calm my pounding heart and slowly stood up.
‘Ah.’
Then, I saw a woman with navy blue hair, laughing and talking with Carl.
***
Gerhardt had an urgent matter and had to leave his post. Usually, this would leave the room engulfed in silence—
“No way, have you already written this much?”
“It’s all thanks to the Prosecutor. Thank you so much!”
I’ve made an effort to engage Christina in conversation since I found out that she was the Minister’s niece.
She was a bit reserved at first, but time proved to be the answer. Now, we get along quite well even without Gerhardt.
‘If only I hadn’t known.’
Knowing her relationship with the Minister and then treating her poorly or indifferently could cause trouble. So, I made sure to be as kind as possible.
“Udesr Zairug was known to fire multiple arrows at once without missing a single shot.”
“That’s fascinating.”
“He was also a part of the Eight War Machines, a group of exceptional individuals.”
Still, the conversation didn’t stray from its original purpose of imparting knowledge.
***
Familiar spaces could sometimes feel strangely unfamiliar. This was one of those times.
‘What’s going on?’
An inexplicable sense of pressure seemed to weigh on my shoulders as I entered the Vice President’s office. Everything was fine until yesterday, wasn’t it?
I glanced over and saw that Marghetta was quietly signing documents.
“Carl.”
After finishing her signature, she spoke softly.
Though she was smiling, it felt unusually forced. Even her eyes were strangely red.
“Am I not enough for you?”
“…Sorry?”
She dropped an unexpected bombshell.
What did she mean, not enough? What was that supposed to mean?
It took a moment to gather my thoughts amidst the ensuing confusion.
“Carl, have you been keeping secrets from me… or seeing another lady…?”
Marghetta tried to speak calmly, but her voice trembled uncontrollably.
And even if her voice had been steady, her face would have been a dead giveaway.
‘I messed up.’
It was only after listening to Marghetta that I realized my foolish mistake.
I hadn’t mentioned what I’ve been up to lately. It wasn’t intentional; I simply thought that it was enough to just say that I was busy with work without going into details. Of course, I would have explained if she asked—
No, I should have told her without being asked.
‘Experience does matter.’
I almost sighed at my mistake.
Thinking back, I’ve never had a normal relationship before my possession and certainly not after. Hecate and I navigated the challenges of the North and shared our living quarters, so we easily understood everything without having to talk.
It was the only relationship I had ever had, so I used it as a benchmark. But that was far from normal; it was abnormal.
“Mar.”
I took Marghetta’s hands as her gaze fell. No matter how I framed it, this was my fault.
Having someone leave earlier than usual without a proper explanation would have made anyone anxious.
I assumed too much, thinking that Marghetta would immediately understand even if I didn’t say anything. I was even unaware of the turmoil she was holding inside.
“I’m sorry. I’ve been too thoughtless.”
Then, I gave her a detailed explanation of how I ended up advising Gerhardt about the North, and how I was trying to be as polite as possible as Christina was the Minister’s niece.
Of course, I kept adding my apologies.
“So that’s it. I’m sorry. I had a strange misunderstanding.”
Marghetta’s face reddened for a different reason as I hurriedly tried to correct the misunderstanding.
But why was she apologizing? It was my fault that I didn’t give her any hints and made her anxious.
‘If only there had been trust from the start.’
A minor misunderstanding like this could have been easily laughed off if we had a strong enough foundation of trust.
“Um, Mar?”
Then, wasn’t it my responsibility to build that trust?
“After the New Year’s Ball next year…”
But now was not the time. At least, not until after the New Year’s Ball, when we would finally have some time.
“…Would it be alright if we go visit His Grace, the Iron-blooded Duke?”
“What?”
Marghetta’s eyes widened in surprise at my suggestion.