You’re on an Airplane: A Self-Mythologizing Memoir

320 Pages·2018·9.96 MB·English

by  Parker Posey

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Copyright © 2018 by Parker Posey
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Craig McDean, photographer
Jess Rotter, photo staging, illustration, and cover typography
Diego Montoya, mirror mask
Lee Kyle, photographer of Rob Roth’s “Craig”
Cardboard chair designed by Chairigami
Styling and wardrobe, Leana Zuniga of Electric Feathers
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Version_1

Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Part I
You’re on an Airplane
1. To Perform
2. How I Got My Name
3. Why Are You an Actor?
4. Nonnie’s Fireball
5. Pansies Are for Thought
6. Indie Days
7. Earth, Wind, and Fire
8. Vampires
9. The Death Star
10. In Line
11. Louie
12. Dad and the Stage
Part II
As the World Turns
13. Dazed/“Sweet Emotion”
14. Southern Gothic
15. Sacrifice
16. Gracie
17. Garbage on the Beach
18. Imavegan
19. Moving
20. Master of Storms
Part III
Lost in Space
21. What We Make
22. Rear Window/Live Pie
23. The Guest Films
24. Shirley, the Coneheads, and Me
25. Mom and the TV
26. At the Wheel
27. It’s Mine
28. Being a Twin
29. Wait Till Spring
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Part I
You’re on an Airplane
Hi,
I have the window seat. How very kind, thank you; chivalry is not dead but I’ll
just squeeze by. That’s okay, I’ll just smush them both under the seat and once we’re in
the air I’ll take one out and use it as an ottoman. I sit cross-legged so Gracie can be on
my lap once we’re off, but thank you. She is, actually. My boyfriend at the time, Ryan,
his grandmother had just died and they’d watch the Burns and Allen show together
when he was a kid. I wanted a name that could evoke a quality because I knew I’d be
repeating it. I didn’t want to name her Snickers or something. “Something! Come here!”
I sat next to a dog and its owner at the Union Square dog run once, and the dog had
on a collar that spelled “BOW WOW” in separated silver lettering that slid and turned and
the “bow” part was under the dog’s neck. I said to the owner, “I can’t believe you
named your dog ‘Mom,’” and he was like, “It spells ‘bow wow.’” I told him that I was
joking and then it got awkward, because he seemed to be sad or depressed. These are
strange times; maybe naming your dog “Mom” isn’t so odd. It seems like everyone is
feeling lonely, in some way—left out.
I’m working on a book, actually. It’s about me. It’s okay, Gracie. She’s on a doggie
downer. She’ll be okay once the plane takes off and the slamming doors stop. They
bang no matter how you close them, like they were made to slam. Yeah, I like those
movies, too. Best in Show’s a classic. You’ll hear more about it. Yes, she’s an emotional
support dog, so she can be in my lap. I have the papers in the seat flap in front of me, if
you need me to reach down there to get them. Seltzer with ice, please. No, I’m good, no
lime; don’t bother.
It used to be so different, flying.
–
Yes, a book! I realized it was time. There were stories to share that my friends were
entertained by, so I thought, you know, tell them. There’s also a literary agent who lives
in my neighborhood, whose partner art-directed Party Girl. I started feeling guilty when
I’d see him, because he’d say, “I know there’s a book in you.” So I went into a sort of
labor and produced a sort of baby, where instead of being human it’s a bound object
made of paper called “pages” with words on it. You bring it to life and make it talk. Just
don’t leave it alone for too long or it will start crying.
Can you hear Gracie snoring? Her little body vibrates when she does. I use my
Southern accent when I talk to Gracie because she’s just too sweet. Being number one
on the tarmac is so winning and such an honor, so thrilling. I got interested in acting
because I was born into it—born into turbulence. It’s kind of simple: I’m a character
actor because I come from a family of characters. When people ask if anyone in my
family is an actor, I say all of them. They’re performative people. They’ll star