Table Of ContentYou’re Lying!
You’re Lying!
Secrets From an Expert Military Interrogator to Spot the
Lies and Get to the Truth
By Lena Sisco
Copyright © 2015 by Lena Sisco
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YOU’RE LYING!
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To my amazing and wonderful parents, Bill and Roseann, who have always
supported me through the many adventures in my life. I love you.
Acknowledgments
This is my first publication—hopefully the first of many—so I would like to
acknowledge and thank all those who made it possible. You have no idea how
much your effort, mentorship, friendship, and support mean to me.
First, I want to express my deepest gratitude to my parents, Bill and Roseann,
who have been by my side as I transitioned from almost failing out of college to
graduating from Brown, from studying archaeology to joining the military, from
chasing the California dream to battling the Beltway, and, finally, to settling (for
now) in Virginia Beach. I may not have always chosen the most successful path,
but I always knew that the path would lead me to success, and so did you. I
could never say thank you enough for everything you have done for me. You are
the best!
I want to thank my biggest fan for always believing in me, and who never
once let me stay down in the tough times. You are my pillar, and I hope one day
I can be yours when you need it. Nancy Drew?
I want to thank my brother Chris for putting up with my countless demands!
And especially for building my Website(s). I owe you, big time.
I want to acknowledge the rest of my awesome, fun, immediate family:
Jimmy, Jill, and Katie. Christine, you’ll never need a power pose to build
confidence, because you were born with it. Katie and Jill, let’s dance!
A very special thank you to Janine Driver, the lady who made me see it was
all possible. Janine had a profound effect on me and it’s because of her and the
Body Language Institute that I am where I am today. She always believed in me,
sometimes more than I did myself. Thanks for the push; I will always and
forever be grateful for your mentorship. Thank you to Kerry Strollo, Janine’s
sister; you are a “fire and forget” person, and I appreciate that.
Thank you, Bulldog O’Clair, for being my gorgeous model. But even more,
thanks for being real. Your support and energy helped fuel me. Hugs and kisses!
And thank you, Gina and Chris, for modeling your beautiful faces. Now, where’s
the wine?
Thank you to Nic Smith and the Henley-Putman graduate student for sharing
your stories so that I could share them with my readers. You rock!
Thank you, Maryann Karinch. Without you, I wouldn’t be writing any of
these thank yous! I love your sincerity and your energy. You let me scratch off
an item on my bucket list.
Thank you, Career Press, for picking up my first publication. I am thrilled
beyond words that this happened. I look forward to working with you on my
next book, which is already in the works.
I want to thank two dear friends who always provided me with words of
encouragement and wisdom, Alissa and Kristy. We partied like rock stars; I love
you both to the moon and stars!
I want to raise a glass to Diane, to us and making it happen. Cheers!
Thank you to those I served with, especially to my GTMO family back in the
day. I’m thankful that I can still keep in touch with some of you. I hope your
lives have led you to success. I also want to thank every military member for
your honor, courage, and commitment. It may sound clichéd, but there are really
no better words to describe what you signed up for and what you do. Thank you,
Dave, for the “QC.”
Thank you to all of my family and friends who have inspired me to write in
some way that you may not even know of; you may just read about it in this
book.
Many thanks to all of you who are reading this, to those of you who have
heard me speak, and to those of you I’ve trained. It’s because of you that I can
keep sharing my knowledge.
And lastly, I am thankful for my family of furry friends who give me so much
joy and who keep me calm and sane.
Contents
Preface
Introduction
1. You Are Not a Mind Reader: Uncover the Primary Myth About Detecting
Deception
2. Why Do People Lie?
3. The Human Lie Detector Versus the Lie Detector Machine
4. My Five-Step Program for Reading Body Language: Be a Body Language
Expert; Be a REBLE
5. R Is for Relax
6. E Is for Establish Rapport: Getting People to Want to Like You
7. Personality Preferences: How to Change Yours to Meet Theirs
8. B Is for Baseline: Using All Your Senses
9. L Is for Look for Deviations: Behavioral Incongruence
10. E Is for Extract the Truth: Verbal Tells
11. Your Toolkit for Reading Body Language
Afterword
Index
About the Author
Preface
I’m sure that someone at some point has said to you, “I see what you’re
saying,” and that told you that this person understood what you just said.
Wouldn’t it have made more sense for him or her to have said, “I understand
what you’re saying”? After all, we hear people speak, but we can’t see their
speech (unless they are speaking in sign language, of course). So how, then, can
we see what people say? We can’t. But we can see how people say things—their
body language, their facial expressions, the things they do while they speak—
and that makes us feel that we can actually see what they say, beyond just their
spoken words. For example, I can observe how people lie through words, body
gestures, facial expressions, and certain physiological signs.
When I hear people say “I see what you’re saying,” it tells me that they “get”
me. It reminds me of greeting of the Na’vi people, the indigenous, albeit
fictitious, culture on the planet Pandora in James Cameron’s movie Avatar. Their
greeting is “I see you,” which essentially translates as “I can see into your soul
and I know you. I get you.” This book is intended to expound on the
relationships among hearing, listening, and seeing: hearing the sounds people
make, listening to the specific words they use, and seeing their body gestures
and facial expressions while they speak.
When what we say and how we say it (through body language) match up, it’s
called behavioral congruency. When they don’t match, we have behavioral
incongruency; in this case, the body isn’t matching up with the words being said
or the true emotions behind those words. I will teach you how to spot both of
these. I will also teach you how to look for deceptive tells (deviations from
normal behavior that indicate stress) and why you have to look for clusters of
these tells to determine whether someone is lying. Understanding what people
say goes far beyond just hearing their words, although words and the voice play
a key part in detecting deception, as you will soon find out. In fact, I tend to rely
more on verbal deceptive tells than nonverbal. I will explain why later on, as you
begin to understand the complexities of nonverbal communication.
In Avatar, when the Na’vi say “I see you,” they are saying they can sense the
true emotions and inner spirit of others; they can empathize. Empathy is key to
building rapport, and building rapport is the process of earning likeability, trust,
and respect. Because I practice yoga, I see a connection between the Na’vi
greeting and the Sanskrit word namaste. After the end of each yoga session, I
say namaste. This word encapsulates my belief that there is a divine spark within
each of us that is located in the heart chakra; it is an acknowledgment of the soul
in one by the soul in another. You’ve probably heard the idea that if you look
deeply into someone’s eyes, you can see into his or her soul. Have you ever
wondered what is so special about the soul? The soul is the true essence of the
self; there is no hiding it, deceiving others about it, or faking it. So we know
when we aren’t being honest with ourselves, and we know when we are lying to
others; we can’t fool ourselves! And why do you suppose the eyes are the
gateway to the soul? Perhaps it’s because the eyes are so expressive, and the fact
that it’s almost impossible to control their movements and thus hide one’s true
feelings or emotions. If you want to be a body-language expert and use body
language to help you detect deception, build rapport, and enhance your overall
interpersonal communication skills, you’ll need to be able to determine the true
emotions behind what people say, in addition to the meaning of the words they
choose. Done correctly, this is when the art and science of human interaction
meet. You won’t be able to see someone’s soul after reading this book, but you
will be able to know when people aren’t being honest with themselves and, more
importantly, you. And that’s the whole reason I wrote this book in the first place.
Namaste.
