You Never Call! You Never Write!: A History of the Jewish Mother

336 Pages·2007·2.62 MB·English

by  Joyce Antler

You Never Call!
You Never Write!
“Hello Momma” (or “Phone Call from Momma”)—George Jessel’s one-sided conver-
sations with his mother—was the entertainer’s trademark skit. “Hello Mama, this is
George. Isn’t it nice to have your own phone? What? Nobody calls you? Even before
you had the phone, nobody called you either?” The monologue went on from there,
with Jessel embellishing it every time. (Carl Rose)
You Never Call!
You Never Write!
A History of the Jewish Mother
joyce antler
1
2007
1
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Copyright © 2007 by Joyce Antler
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Antler, Joyce.
You never call! you never write! : a history of the Jewish mother / Joyce Antler.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-0-19-514787-2
1. Jewish women. 2. Mothers. 3. Jewish women—Humor.
4. Mothers—Humor. 5. Jewish women in literature.
6. Mothers in literature. 7. Jewish women in motion pictures.
8. Mothers in motion pictures. 9. Feminist criticism.
10. Stereotypes (Social psychology) I. Title.
HQ1172.A58 2007
306.874'3089924—dc22 2006036249
1 3 5 7 9 8 6 4 2
Printed in the United States of America
on acid-free paper
To
Rachel and Lauren
and in memory of my mother
and grandmother
The author’s mother, Sophie Kessler, ca. The author’s grandmother, Tillie Sparaga, ca.
1930. 1910.
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CONTENTS
Acknowledgments ix
Introduction 1
THE NAGGING STEREOTYPE
1 “My Yiddishe Mama”: The Multiple Faces of the
Immigrant Jewish Mother 15
2 Molly Goldberg: “The Prototype of the Jewish Mother” in the
Twentieth Century 47
3 Margaret Mead and Ruth Benedict: Social Science Uncovers
the Jewish “Family Plot” 73
4 From Marjorie Morningstar to Jennie Grossinger: The Suburbs,
the Catskills, and the Jewish Mother Joke 101
5 “American Mother of the Year” Versus Monster Mothers:
Will the Real Sophie Portnoy Please Stand Up? 123
THE NEW FACE OF THE JEWISH MOTHER
6 The Mother and the Movement: Feminism Constructs
the Jewish Mother 149
7 Roseanneand The Nanny: The Jewish Mother as
Postmodern Spectacle 169
viii contents
8 From Second-Generation Memoirs to Women’s History:
Reclaiming the Missing Mother 193
9 “They Raised Beautiful Families”: Jewish Mothers
Narrate Their Lives 215
10 We Are All Jewish Mothers: Mothering in the New Millennium 233
Epilogue 257
Notes 259
Archival Sources 301
Index 303
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
The first inspiration for this book was my late mother, Sophie Kessler,
who modeled my experience of what a loving Jewish mother could be. I
am indebted to my niece, Kim Shechtman, whose insights enriched my per-
ceptions of my mother’s legacy.
This book has had many other Jewish mothers. I am grateful to them
collectively—especially the many historians and other scholars and writers
whose work stimulated my thinking—and individually, for there were many
wonderful colleagues who intervened in various ways to provide advice, friend-
ship, and, when necessary, even chicken soup. My goal of melding the social
history of American Jewish women—how they lived their everyday lives—with
the ideas and myths that influenced popular perceptions of them could not
have taken root without such camaraderie.
For twenty years, I have been privileged to be part of a wonderful writers’
group in Boston that has known this project from its birth, nurtured it in its in-
fancy and early life, and helped me raise it to maturity. I am grateful to its
members—Fran Malino, Megan Marshall, Lois Rudnick, Sue Quinn, and Ju-
dith Tick—for their friendship and encouragement.
Several colleagues read the manuscript in its totality and provided com-
mentary that improved it in numerous ways. Susan Ware’s willingness to share
ideas with me was critical. Penina Migdal Glazer and Susan Quinn also pro-
vided cogent comments at a crucial stage of the work. For their generosity,
knowledge, and helpful critiques, I am grateful as well to Janet Burstein, Patty
Margolis, Riv-Ellen Prell, Gail Reimer, Judith Rosenbaum, and Stephen