Yes Prime Minister: a play

105 Pages·2010·7.41 MB·English

by  Antony Jay

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Yes, Prime Minister
Antony Jay has enjo)'ed a distinguished career as writer,
broadcaster and producer. He was founder and editor of
the BBC's legendary To11ight programme and is editor of
The Oxford Dictionary of Political Quotatio11s, and
author of Elizabeth R and two documentaries on the
Royal Family. He is a Commander of the Royal Victorian
Order.
Jonathan Lynn's prolific career spans more than four
decades as a director, screenwriter, producer and actor in
films, television and theatre, as well as best-selling author
and novelist. His many movies include N1111s on the R1111
(which he also wrote), My Cousin Vi1111y, The Whole
Nine Yards and Wild Target.
Jonathan Lynn and Anton)' Jay's BAFTA award-winning
political comedy Yes, Minister first aired on BBC:z. in
1980 and ran until 1984. The sequel, Yes, Prime Minister,
ran from 1986 until 1988. The programmes have been
seen in 84 coµncries, and both series are now available on
BBC DVD. The)' won a Special Award from the Campaign
for Freedom of Information, and numerous other awards.
Lynn and Jay also wrore three novels, The Complete
Yes, Minister and Yes, Prime Minster, Volumes I and :?.
(in paperback combined as The Complete Yes Prime
Mi11ister) which cumulatively sold more than a million
copies in hardback, were on the British cop-ten bestseller
list for three years and have been translated into numerous
languages.
Yes, Prime Minister, the play, was first presented on
:i;3 May 2010 at Chichester Festival Theatre. The cast,
in order of appearance, was as follows:
Sir Humphrey Appleby Hcnr)' Goodman
Bernard \Voolley Jonathan Slinger
Jim Hacker David Haig
Claire Sutton Emil)' Joyce
Kumranistan Ambassador Sam Dastor
Jeremy Burnham \Villiam Chubb
Simon Chester Tim \Vallers
Director Jonathan Lynn
Desig11er Simon Higlett
Ligh1i11g Desiguer Tim l'\1irchell
Cnstiug Dil'eclor Gabrielle Dawes
Characters
Sir Humphrey Appleby
Cabinet Secretary
Bernard Woolley
Principal .Pr.ivate Secretary
ro the Prime Minister
Jim Hacker
Prime Minister
Claire Sutton
Special Policy Adviser
The Kumranistan Ambassador
Jeremy Burnham
Director-General of the BBC
Robin Simpson
BBC press officer
(voice only)
Simon Chester
BBC presenter
Driver, Cameramen
ANTONY JAY
a11d
JONATI-IAN LYNN
Yes, Pri1ne Minister
The action takes place i11 the Prime Minister's
study at Chequers, his official country residence.
A11t11m11. Friday aftemoo11 to S1111day 111omi11g.
.
'
Act One
SCENE ONE
Late aftemoo11 on illl Fridily.
m1t1111111
Jim's study, comfortably f11misbed (Jilnelled room in
ii
Chequers, illl English country mansion. It bas a desk,
a seating area, double doors (stage right), a smaller door
(left) and big windows upstage centre.
Sir Humphrey Appleby and Bemard Woolley are
waiting. Humpbrey is sta11di11g, Bemard is sit.ting.
Newsreader (011 TV) And now, weather. Severe
thunderstorms are forecast ...
Humphrey switches off tbe T\~ Bcmard puts down
tlJC Evening Standard.
Bernard It's awful, isn't it?
Humphrey \'(!hat is awful, Bernard?
Bernard Well, all these jobs going. Interest rates.
Repossessions. Fear of inflation. Foreclosures.
Humphrey Oh yes. Terrible.
Bernard You don't sound terribly worried, Sir Humphrey.
Humphrey Bernard, I am not being sacked, repossessed,
inflated or foreclosed. Neither are you.
Bernard Nor's rhe Prime Minister. But he's worried stiff.
Humphrey So he should be.
Bernard You don't sympathise with him?
Humphrey That's the deal. That's how Prime Ministers'
careers go. They get to be on the front page every day for
3
years, which rhey love. They rravel rhe long parh from
euphoric triumph to ignominious failure and rhen make
way for rhe next saviom of rhe nario11. Ir's called
democracy.
Bernard It beats me why anyone would want to be Prime
J\•I in isrer.
Humphrey lr's the only top job that requires no previous
experience, no training, no qualifications and limited
intelligence.
Bernard Sir Humphrey ... You do believe in democracy,
don't you?
Humphrey Do 1, Bernard? Actually no, nor as most
people understand it. Democracy should nor be about
executing the will of the people. It should be the process
whereby we secure the consent of rhe people ro rhe
policies of rhose qualified to decide on their behalf.
Bernard Like who?
Humphrey Like us, Bernard.
Bernard I belie1•e in democracy, Sir Humphrey.
Humphrey It does you credit. And. if all the v.oters were
as informed and intelligent as - say - me, or even you, it
could possibly work. But that's hardly realistic.
Bernard \'\/ell, obviously we have ro srop the government
making stupid misrakes. If I did everything the Prime
lvlinister told me ro do, I'd be fired wirbin a week, and
rightly so. l3ut I am there to help him.
Humphrey Bernard, we have a leadership crisis in this
country. If the government can't or won't exercise it, ic
falls ro us, whether we want it or nor.
Bernard I know. Power abhors a vacuum.
Humphrey And we are currently led by one. We should
exercise power because we have nothing to gain or lose
personally: we have respectable salaries, honom:s, an
office and a chauffeur ...
Bernard I haven'r got a chauffeur .. .
Humphrey You will, Bernard, when you grow up. \Y/e end
up with an index-linked pension, a bank directorship, a
couple of nice!)' remunerated quangos and a cottage in
the Dordogne. So we can be entirely even-handed in our
judgements and make them in the public interesr.
Bernard \Xlell, things may not seem so bad soon, when
we tell the Prime Minister about Kumraniscan.
He taps the file the coffee table.
011
European Central Bank co rhe rescue.
Humphrey Bernard! Do not mention the ECB co the
Prime Minister. You know his views.
Bernard I know he's afraid that Brussels will take away
most of his powers.
Humphrey They already have. And so they should. All
we need him to do is preside at tonight's dinner, pretend
he's read the Kumranistan plan, and leave the rest to us.
Jim Hacker, the Prime Mi11iste1; enters right. He is
fo//0111ed by a Driver carrying a pile of five Red Boxes.
Jim Sorry 1'111 late, it's been a terrible day.
Humphrey Any particular reason?
The Driver leaves.
Jim You've read about rhc Cabinet split?
Humphrey Yes.
Jim You've seen what's happened to the Footsie and the
pound?
5