Working with bitches : identify the eight types of office mean girls and rise above workplace nastiness

241 Pages·2013·1.08 MB·English

Working with
Bitches
Working with
Bitches
Identify the Eight Types of
Office Mean Girls and Rise Above
Workplace Nastiness
Meredith Fuller
Copyright © 2013 by Meredith Fuller
First published as Working with Mean Girls by Penguin Group (Australia), 2011
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
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without the prior written permission of the publisher. Printed in the United States of America. For
information, address Da Capo Press, 44 Farnsworth Street, 3rd Floor, Boston, Massachusetts 02210.
Composition by Cynthia Young
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Fuller, Meredith.
[Working with mean girls]
Working with bitches : identify the eight types of office mean girls and rise above
workplace nastiness / Meredith Fuller. — First Da Capo Press edition.
pages cm
“First published as Working with Mean Girls by Penguin Group (Australia), 2011.”
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-7382-1659-1 (e-book)
1. Problem employees. 2. Women employees—Psychology. 3. Bullying in the
workplace. 4. Abusive women. 5. Interpersonal conflict. I. Title.
HF5549.5.E42F85 2013
650.1'3082—dc23
2012041914
First Da Capo Press edition 2013
Published by Da Capo Press
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10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Note: The information in this book is true and complete to the best of our knowledge. This book is intended
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intended to replace, countermand, or conflict with the advice given to you by your own physician. The
ultimate decision concerning care should be made between you and your doctor. We strongly recommend
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use of this book. The names and identifying details of people associated with events described in this book
have been changed. Any similarity to actual persons is coincidental.
To Sandra Hacker,
with respect and gratitude
CONTENTS
Prologue
Introduction: The B Words: Bitch and Bully
Part One: Mean Girls—They’re Not All the Same
How to Identify the Mean Girl You Work With
1 The Excluder
2 The Insecure
3 The Toxic
4 The Narcissist
5 The Screamer
6 The Liar
7 The Incompetent
8 The Not-a-Bitch
Part Two: Understanding How Women Work
Behind the Scenes
9 Mother, Companion, Amazon, or Psychic?
10 Heart Versus Head
11 Women at Work
Part Three: How Can You Help Yourself?
Take Stock of Yourself
12 Managing Workplace Stress
13 Should I Stay or Should I Go?
14 Frequently Asked Questions
Where to Get Help
Bibliography
Acknowledgments
About the Author
PROLOGUE
We’re quiet because it is awful to admit and you don’t want anyone to
know. Your husband knows; you’re crying over the stove. Your
teenagers wonder if their high-achieving mother is actually just
pathetic. You doubt yourself. You don’t want patronizing advice about
how to manipulate a manipulator—I wouldn’t play the bitch game,
even if I was capable of it.
—Kaylene
Bitchy behavior can be so insidious or slippery that it’s often hard to tell if
you’re really being targeted or if you are simply too sensitive. You feel an
uncomfortable mix of confused, amused, devastated, and angry. You don’t want
to believe that someone in the sisterhood could possibly be working against you,
whether consciously or unconsciously. You think you should be able to handle
it, especially when you pride yourself on bringing out the best in others, or you
assume that it’s merely a personality clash or miscommunication that you’ll be
able to fix. But if you can’t fix it, the negative effect gets harder to cope with.
You remain haunted by a cruel secret that you’re too humiliated to mention—
another woman is causing you grief, and you haven’t done a thing to deserve it.
You appreciate that you won’t get on with every other woman at work—but
how come some bitches can deeply wound while you are immune to the
shenanigans of others? How come you can laugh off the antics of some, but
those of others are not so benign?
You might have seen Mean Girls (2004) and laughed and cried in
subconscious recognition. Most of us can recall a mean girl from school days—
perhaps you were upset by malicious things girls said or did, or maybe you