Working Relationships: The Simple Truth About Getting Along with Friends and Foes at Work

201 Pages·1999·1.59 MB·English

by  Bob Wall

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Praise for Working Relationships
“Working Relationships is the best book I have seen on improving rela-
tionships within organizations, leading to higher productivity and
comfort with others. Bob Wall is an expert in team building and in
helping people develop their potential.”
Steve Simmons, President, Simmons Management Systems,
and Author, Measuring Emotional Intelligence
“This book takes a straightforward approach to understanding the
dynamics of interpersonal relationships in the workplace and offers
useful step-by-step tools on how to successfully prepare for and face
your most dreaded discussions.”
Beth A. Taylor, Human Resources Manager, Zetec, Inc.
“Readers will benefit from Bob Wall’s experience, research, and unfail-
ing ability to put workplace drama into perspective. I’ve used his exer-
cises with all levels of the organization and have been hailed as a ‘hero’
for putting his ideas to work.”
Alayne Fardella, Manager, Training and Organizational
Development, The Seattle Times
“If you’ve ever worked on a team gone awry, had to put up with a jerky
co-worker, or fumbled for a way to raise a problem with your boss,
Working Relationships is the book for you.”
Terry Byington, Executive Director, Washington Council,
American Electronics Association
“With insight and candor, Bob Wall demonstrates the importance of
building productiverelationships in today’sorganizations. This book is
loaded with tools to help make that happen.”
Helm Lehmann, Author, Driver’s Ed for Today’s Managers
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“Working Relationships is a practical guide featuring worthwhile exer-
cises and real-world examples. The techniques you will find in this
book helped my management team turn its leadership relationships
around.”
Ed Kommers, President,
University Mechanical Contractors, Inc.
“A practical guide to help us see that work is not our life and learn how
to make a segment of life more fulfilling.”
Lori Christenson, Vice President, Everett Mutual Bank,
and President, I-Pro Inc.
“An insightful book that clearly defines personal and profes-
sional relationships in the workplace and how they impact organiza-
tional effectiveness and team development. It offers a good practical
approach with exercises to resolving and managing relationships
between individuals.”
Fred J. Dal Broi, Deputy Production Director,
The Arizona Republic
“An engaging read laced with tools and concepts that really make a dif-
ference. If you have a job that requires working successfully with other
people, you MUST read this book!”
Maxine Hayes, M.D., Assistant Secretary,
Community and Family Health, and Acting Health Officer,
Washington State Department of Health
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Working
Relationships
The Simple Truth
About Getting Along
with Friends
and Foes at Work
Bob Wall
D A V I E S
B L A C K
Davies-Black Publishing
Mountain View, California
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Published by Davies-Black Publishing, a division of CPP, Inc., 1055 Joaquin Road, 2nd
Floor, Mountain View, CA 94043; 800-624-1765.
Special discounts on bulk quantities of Davies-Black books are available to corporations,
professional associations, and other organizations. For details, contact the Director of Mar-
keting and Sales at Davies-Black Publishing: 650-691-9123; fax [phone].
Copyright © 1999 by Bob Wall. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be repro-
duced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission of the
publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
Davies-Black and its colophon are registered trademarks of CPP, Inc.
Visit the Davies-Black Publishing Web site at www.daviesblack.com.
11 10 09 08 07 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4
Printed in the United States of America
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Wall, Bob (Bob Lee)
Working relationships : the simple truth about getting along with friends and foes
at work / Bob Wall.
p. cm.
Includes index.
ISBN 978-0-89106-133-5 (paperback)
1. Office politics. 2. Psychology, Industrial. 3. Interpersonal relations. 4. Inter-
personal communication. I. Title.
HF5386.5.W35 1999
650.1¢3—dc21
99-22730
FIRST EDITION
First printing 1999
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Dedicated to the memory of Robert S. Solum
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Contents
Exercises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ix
Preface . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xi
Acknowledgments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xvii
About the Author . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xix
Chapter 1 Working Together . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
Part One
The Tangled Web of Relationships
in the Workplace
Chapter 2 Friends and Colleagues . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
Chapter 3 When Good Teams Go Bad . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27
Chapter 4 When Behavior Falls Short of Good Intentions 39
Chapter 5 When You Are Your Own Worst Enemy . . . . . . 51
Part Two
Fixing the Relationships
That Are Not Working
Chapter 6 Diagnosing What Went Wrong . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69
Chapter 7 Participating in Decision Making . . . . . . . . . . . 85
Chapter 8 Conversations Dying to Happen . . . . . . . . . . 107
Chapter 9 Managing the Conversation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 129
Part Three
Making the Good Relationships
Even Better
Chapter 10 Living Up to Your Aspirations . . . . . . . . . . 149
Chapter 11 Deepening Your Relationships . . . . . . . . . . 161
Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 175
Contents · vii
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Exercises
Exercise 1 Identifying Relationships to Improve . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
Exercise 2 How Co-Workers Contribute to Your Working Life . . . . . 4
Exercise 3 Are You a Victim or a Volunteer? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
Exercise 4 Do You Have a Conversation That Is Not Happening? . . 8
Exercise 5 Identifying Qualities for Balancing Personal and
Professional Relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
Exercise 6 Where Are People Going in Different Directions
in Your Company? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
Exercise 7 Avoiding the Foot in the Mouth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33
Exercise 8 Taking Stock of the Silence at Work . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
Exercise 9 Communicating Across Department Lines . . . . . . . . . . 36
Exercise 10 Walking in the Other Person’s Shoes . . . . . . . . . . . . 47
Exercise 11 Taken by Surprise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59
Exercise 12 Reflections on Personal History . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60
Exercise 13 Shattering the Illusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62
Exercise 14 Taking Conflict out of the Personal Realm . . . . . . . . 78
Exercise 15 Assessing Your Team’s Teamwork . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83
Exercise 16 Working with a Certifiable Jerk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84
Exercise 17 Examining Responsibility for Decision Making . . . . . 94
Exercise 18 Expanding Opportunities for the Consulting Role . . 96
Exercise 19 Ensuring Timely Access to Information . . . . . . . . . . . 98
Exercise 20 The Costs and Gains of Avoiding Conversations . . . 113
Exercise 21 Getting Ready to Raise Issues . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 127
Exercise 22 Taking Action . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 145
Exercise 23 Five Years from Now . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 152
Exercises · ix