Table Of ContentTHE
BIG
IDEA
REPRINT BG1705
PUBLISHED ON HBR.ORG
SEPTEMBER 2017
CONNECTING
AT WORK
WE’RE MORE CONNECTED THAN EVER, BUT LONELINESS IS
EPIDEMIC. WORK IS PART OF THE PROBLEM. NOW IT MUST BE
PART OF THE SOLUTION.
BY VIVEK MURTHY
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CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY
03 ARTICLE
WORK AND THE
LONELINESS EPIDEMIC
08 INTERACTIVE
CONNECTING AROUND
THE WORLD
10 ARTICLE
WHAT DO WE KNOW
ABOUT LONELINESS AND
WORK?
13 Q&A: STEWART BUTTERFIELD
LONELINESS AND THE
DIGITAL WORKPLACE
16 ARTICLE
THE SOCIAL MUSCLE
19 A UDIO POSTCARDS
YOUR TAKE: CONNECTING
AT WORK
22 ARTICLE
THE DANGERS OF
“MANDATORY FUN”
HBR.ORG THE BIG IDEA 2
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CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY
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WORK AND THE
LONELINESS
EPIDEMIC
REDUCING ISOLATION AT WORK IS GOOD FOR BUSINESS.
BY VIVEK MURTHY
O
n August 24, 1992, in the early hours of the morning, my family
and I stepped out of our temporary shelter to find our city — and
our lives — forever changed. We had spent the past several hours
huddled together as Hurricane Andrew battered our South Florida
neighborhood with torrential rain and near 170 mile per hour winds.
We saw pieces of homes strewn across the landscape, power lines flung
about like pieces of string, and sea creatures stranded in trees having
been blown far inland by the storm.
Like thousands of others, we survived the storm Looking today at so many other places around the
and the many dark days that followed because of the world ravaged by disasters of all kinds, I think about
kindness of strangers who brought food, water, and how often tragedy brings us together — and how fleet-
comfort. Hurricane Andrew forged a deep sense of ing that connection often is.
connection and community in South Florida as the na- There is good reason to be concerned about so-
tion rallied around us and as we supported each other. cial connection in our current world. Loneliness is a
But slowly, as normal lives resumed, the distance be- growing health epidemic. We live in the most techno-
tween people returned. We went back to our homes, logically connected age in the history of civilization,
our work, our schools, and our lives, and once again yet rates of loneliness have doubled since the 1980s.
we grew apart. Today, over 40% of adults in America report feeling
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CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY
THE AUTHOR
VIVEK MURTHY
lonely, and research suggests that the real number may Vice Admiral Vivek H. Murthy underappreciated — drivers dedicated himself to
(@vivek_murthy) served as of health. In particular, improving health through
well be higher. Additionally, the number of people who
the 19th Surgeon General of he has drawn attention the lens of service, research,
report having a close confidante in their lives has been
the United States, from 2014 to the profound impact and entrepreneurship.
declining over the past few decades. In the workplace, to 2017. As Surgeon General, that loneliness and social He cofounded VISIONS,
many employees — and half of CEOs — report feeling Dr. Murthy commanded disconnection have on an HIV/AIDS education
lonely in their roles. the U.S. Public Health health, productivity, and program in India and the
During my tenure as U.S. Surgeon General, I saw Service Commissioned education. United States and the
Corps, a uniformed service Dr. Murthy received his Swasthya Community
first-hand how loneliness affected people of all ages
of 6,600 public health Bachelor’s degree from Health Partnership in rural
and socioeconomic backgrounds across the country.
offices serving vulnerable Harvard and his MD and India, which trains women
I met middle and high school students in urban and populations in 800 locations MBA degrees from Yale. He to be health providers and
rural areas who turned to violence, drugs, and gangs domestically and abroad. completed his residency educators. As a research
to ease the pain of their loneliness. I sat with mothers During his tenure, he helped training at Brigham and scientist, Dr. Murthy
and fathers who had lost sons and daughters to drug address critical public Women’s Hospital and conducted laboratory
health issues, including the Harvard Medical School, research on vaccine
overdoses and were struggling to cope alone because
Ebola outbreak, the Zika where he later joined development and studied
of the unfortunate stigma surrounding addiction. And
virus, low rates of physical the faculty as an internal the participation of women
I met factory workers, doctors, small business owners, activity, and the explosion medicine physician and and minorities in clinical
and teachers who described feeling alone in their work in e-cigarette use among instructor. As a clinician- trials. He also cofounded
and on the verge of burnout. youth. In 2016, he launched educator, Dr. Murthy TrialNetworks, a software
During my years caring for patients, the most com- the TurnTheTideRx campaign has cared for thousands technology company,
to combat the opioid of patients and trained now part of DrugDev, that
mon pathology I saw was not heart disease or diabetes;
epidemic. hundreds of residents and accelerates collaboration in
it was loneliness. The elderly man who came to our
Dr. Murthy has called medical students. clinical trials.
hospital every few weeks seeking relief from chronic emotional well-being one of In addition to clinical
pain was also looking for human connection: He was the most important — and practice, Dr. Murthy has
lonely. The middle-aged woman battling advanced HIV
who had no one to call to inform that she was sick: She
was lonely too. I found that loneliness was often in the
background of clinical illness, contributing to disease have the power to drive change at a societal level not
and making it harder for patients to cope and heal. only by strengthening connections among employees,
This may not surprise you. Chances are, you or partners, and clients but also by serving as an inno-
someone you know has been struggling with loneli- vation hub that can inspire other organizations to ad-
ness. And that can be a serious problem. Loneliness dress loneliness.
and weak social connections are associated with a re-
THE ROOTS OF LONELINESS
duction in lifespan similar to that caused by smoking 15
cigarettes a day and even greater than that associated Loneliness is the subjective feeling of having inad-
with obesity. But we haven’t focused nearly as much equate social connections. Why has this feeling in-
effort on strengthening connections between people as creased over past decades? Partly because people are
we have on curbing tobacco use or obesity. Loneliness more geographically mobile and are thus more likely to
is also associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular be living apart from friends and family. Indeed, more
disease, dementia, depression, and anxiety. At work, people report living alone today than at any time since
loneliness reduces task performance, limits creativity, the census began collecting this data. In the workplace,
and impairs other aspects of executive function such new models of working — such as telecommuting and
as reasoning and decision making. For our health and some on-demand “gig economy” contracting arrange-
our work, it is imperative that we address the loneli- ments — have created flexibility but often reduce the
ness epidemic quickly. opportunities for in-person interaction and relation-
Once we understand the profound human and eco- ships. And even working at an office doesn’t guarantee
nomic costs of loneliness, we must determine whose meaningful connections: People sit in an office full of
responsibility it is to address the problem. The govern- coworkers, even in open-plan workspaces, but every-
ment and health care system have important roles to one is staring at a computer or attending task-oriented
play in helping us understand the impact of loneliness, meetings where opportunities to connect on a human
identifying who is affected, and determining which in- level are scarce.
terventions work. But to truly solve loneliness requires Happy hours, coffee breaks, team-building exer-
the engagement of institutions where people spend cises are designed to build connections between col-
the bulk of their time: families, schools, social organi- leagues, but do they really help people develop deep
zations, and the workplace. Companies in particular relationships? On average, we spend more waking
HBR.ORG THE BIG IDEA 4
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CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY
MANY EMPLOYEES — AND LONELINESS SHORTENS
HALF OF CEOS — REPORT LIFESPANS IN A WAY
FEELING LONELY IN THEIR SIMILAR TO SMOKING 15
ROLES. CIGARETTES A DAY.
hours with our coworkers than we do with our families. of which can buffer an individual during stressful sit-
But do they know what we really care about? Do they uations and have positive effects on health. Indeed,
understand our values? Do they share in our triumphs studies have found that companies whose workers
and pains? feel they have high stress jobs have markedly higher
These aren’t just rhetorical questions; from a bio- health care expenditures than their counterparts with
logical perspective, we evolved to be social creatures. low-stress employees.
Long ago, our ability to build relationships of trust and Our understanding of biology, psychology, and the
cooperation helped increase our chances of having a workplace calls for companies to make fostering social
stable food supply and more consistent protection connections a strategic priority. A more connected
from predators. Over thousands of years, the value of workforce is more likely to enjoy greater fulfillment,
social connection has become baked into our nervous productivity, and engagement while being more pro-
system such that the absence of such a protective force tected against illness, disability, and burnout.
creates a stress state in the body. Loneliness causes
FORGING CONNECTIONS AT WORK
stress, and long-term or chronic stress leads to more
frequent elevations of a key stress hormone, cortisol. My experience has been that people bring the most
It is also linked to higher levels of inflammation in the to their work when they feel connected to the mis-
body. This in turn damages blood vessels and other tis- sion and the people around them. While I was at the
sues, increasing the risk of heart disease, diabetes, joint Surgeon General’s Office, our staff grew quickly as we
disease, depression, obesity, and premature death. sought to build a team that could address an array of
Chronic stress can also hijack your brain’s pre-fron- pressing public health issues. Although team mem-
tal cortex, which governs decision making, planning, bers got along well, it soon became clear that we didn’t
emotional regulation, analysis, and abstract thinking. fully recognize the rich life experience that each per-
This isn’t just bad for our health; it’s also bad for son brought to the team. We had a decorated Army
business. Researchers for Gallup found that having nurse, a woman who had spent years providing med-
strong social connections at work makes employees ical care to prison inmates, an accomplished pianist
more likely to be engaged with their jobs and produce and preacher, an Olympic-level runner, and several
higher quality work, and less likely to fall sick or be in- team members who had struggled with addiction in
jured. Without strong social connections, these gains their family. Even though we were operating with the
become losses. Connection can also help indirectly formality and hierarchy of a uniformed service, my
by enhancing self-esteem and self-efficacy while also team was hungry to know more about each other.
shifting our experience toward positive emotions — all
HBR.ORG THE BIG IDEA 5
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CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY
SOLVING LONELINESS REQUIRES COMPANIES HAVE THE POWER
THE HELP OF INSTITUTIONS TO ADDRESS THE LONELINESS
WHERE PEOPLE SPEND THE EPIDEMIC QUICKLY.
BULK OF THEIR TIME.
To bring us closer, we developed “Inside Scoop,” an compelled to reflect on my own relationships. Even
exercise in which team members were asked to share though we were close before, my relationship with him
something about themselves through pictures for five became even stronger after that day.
minutes during weekly staff meetings. Presenting was I share what my office did not as the antidote to
an opportunity for each of us to share more of who we loneliness but as proof that small steps can make a
were; listening was an opportunity to recognize our difference. And because small actions like this one
colleagues in the way they wished to be seen. are vital to improving our health and the health of our
The impact was immediate. These sessions quickly economy.
became many people’s favorite time of the week, and
CREATING CONNECTION
they were more enthusiastic about participating at
staff meetings. People felt more valued by the team We know that if we are to prioritize our health and
after seeing their colleagues’ genuine reactions to their the health of our companies, the workplace is one of
stories. Team members who had traditionally been the most important places to cultivate social connec-
quiet during discussions began speaking up. Many be- tions. And while it may seem easy enough to organize
gan taking on tasks outside their traditional roles. They a team-building event, grab a cup of coffee with a col-
appeared less stressed at work. And most of them told league, or chat with people around the water cooler
me how much more connected they felt to their col- about Game of Thrones, real connection requires cre-
leagues and the mission they served. ating an environment that embraces the unique iden-
I remember one Inside Scoop from a team mem- tities and experiences of employees inside and outside
ber who had proudly served in the U.S. Marine Corps. the workplace. Here are five deliberate steps that can
I expected him to talk about his experiences in the help build healthy and productive relationships:
military. Instead, he spoke about the complex relation- Evaluate the current state of connections in your
ship he had had with his father and how he could see workplace. Strong social connections are not simply
his father’s spirit living on in the musical talent of his about the number of friends and family members one
grandchildren. He described his mother as his hero and has; it’s the quality of those connections that mat-
shared how remembering her in the face of a challenge ters more. You can be surrounded by many people
would transform his doubts into strength. As he spoke, and have thousands of connections on LinkedIn or
his eyes glistened. I felt a deep connection to him in Facebook and still be lonely. Conversely, you can have
that moment and was inspired by his honesty and just a handful of people with whom you interact and
HBR.ORG THE BIG IDEA 6
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CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY
feel very connected. To assess the quality of the rela- Create opportunities to learn about your col-
tionships at your organization, here are some ques- leagues’ personal lives. The likelihood that authentic
tions to consider: Do employees feel that their col- social connections will develop is greater when people
leagues genuinely value and care for them? Do they feel understood and appreciated as individuals with
believe their institution has a culture that supports full lives — as mothers and fathers, sons and daugh-
giving and receiving kindness? Would they character- ters, individuals with passions outside of work, con-
ize their relationships with colleagues as being driven cerned citizens and community members. Everyone
more by love or by fear? in an organization has the power to create spaces for
Build understanding of high-quality relationships. sharing, whether it is in a formal gathering or an infor-
Strong social connections are characterized by mean- mal conversation over lunch.
ingful shared experiences and mutually beneficial two-
HEALING ONE ANOTHER
way relationships, where both individuals give and
receive. High-quality relationships must be grounded When I think of loneliness, I think about the first day
in love and informed by kindness, compassion, and of my internal medicine residency program. A faculty
generosity. There is a tendency to look at such positive member advised us to call the people we love and tell
emotions as “soft” and even as a liability that distorts them that they wouldn’t be hearing from us much over
judgement and impairs tough decision making. But the next year. As medical students, we’d heard about
research increasingly shows that positive emotions the trials of residency training: the unforgiving hours,
enhance performance and resilience. Be clear with em- the grueling intensity, and the crushing isolation. That
ployees and colleagues about the types of relationships morning, the idea of stepping away from our most
you want to see at work and what types of actions, like trusted social relationships felt unnerving.
generosity, foster those relationships. Despite my initial fears about loneliness, those
Make strengthening social connections a strategic three years ended up being the best of my life. The
priority in your organization. Designing and modeling hours and intensity were just as billed if not even more
a culture that supports connection is more important so. As predicted, it was very difficult to stay in touch
than any single program. It will require buy-in and with friends. But in time I developed rich and fulfilling
engagement from all levels of the organization, par- relationships with my colleagues in the hospital.
ticularly leadership. Having senior members of an or- Coming to work came to feel like spending time
ganization invest in building strong connections with with friends. There were plenty of difficult moments
other team members can set a powerful example, es- when our emotional, intellectual, and physical re-
pecially when leaders are willing to demonstrate that serves were tested: navigating a difficult end-of-life
vulnerability can be a source of strength, not weak- conversation, trying to find an elusive source of infec-
ness. Ask yourself if the current culture and policies in tion in a critically ill patient, or simply fighting back our
your institution support the development of trusted own exhaustion — but my bonds with my colleagues
relationships. softened the blows and saved me from plenty of oth-
Encourage coworkers to reach out and help oth- ers. Those bonds enabled me to do more, give more,
ers — and accept help when it is offered. Although it appreciate more, and be a better doctor to thousands of
may seem counterintuitive to assist others when you patients. Today, years later, I wonder if these relation-
are feeling lonely, extending help to others and allow- ships provided deeper healing: if they made me not
ing yourself to receive help builds a connection that just a better doctor but a better colleague and leader,
is mutually affirming. Late one night during my resi- too.
dency training, I was managing a busy intensive care The world is suffering from an epidemic of loneli-
unit when one of my colleagues stopped and offered ness. If we cannot rebuild strong, authentic social con-
to help with a sudden influx of critically ill patients. nections, we will continue to splinter apart — in the
Because of his generosity, we were able to rapidly place workplace and in society. Instead of coming together
specialized catheters in patients with bloodstream in- to take on the great challenges before us, we will re-
fections and get them life-saving antibiotics quickly. treat to our corners, angry, sick, and alone. We must
We worked together for only an hour that night, but take action now to build the connections that are the
the connection we built lasted years. Giving and re- foundation of strong companies and strong communi-
ceiving help freely is one of the most tangible ways we ties — and that ensure greater health and well-being
experience our connections with each other. for all of us.
HBR.ORG THE BIG IDEA 7
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CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY
INTERACTIVE
policy. My CEO is my mentor, and my
colleagues value my opinion and respect
CONNECTING AROUND THE WORLD
me as a member of the team. Many of
my colleagues belong to the same club,
Are your colleagues also your closest friends? HBR readers from around the so we get to talk about the organization
world share their stories about friendship in the workplace. and the problems that bedevil it.”
by Harvard Business Review Staff — Adelaja Olaneye, Finance, Nigeria
T “When I transferred to my current
his fall, HBR spoke with able to share jokes, have a laugh, and job, my new colleagues invited me to
readers around the world relax.” — Anonymous, HR, Switzerland group outings and gave me tips how
about how they feel in their to settle in. Colleagues are even closer
workplaces. We asked “At my workplace I have developed than family members because we
whether they felt lonely at many friendships over the past 35 spent more time together and share
work, who their friends were, how they years. But I’ll always remember how the same period of history together, for
made them, and what would make a my work friends helped me when I better or for worse. I truly care about
difference in work today. Here’s what we had a car crash several years ago. I them and celebrate their success. It’s
heard: was returning from work in another not easy to be friends with everyone,
city, and I fell asleep on the highway. I but it’s possible to have a few.” — Iris,
“I used to feel lonely at work because rolled my vehicle, resulting in serious Chemicals, Singapore
I’m on a distributed team and work in injuries; I broke my neck. At the time
a different time zone. The people I see my wife and I had three young children. “Work is a place where you have
on a daily basis are not working on the Senior colleagues and others gathered coworkers, not friends. I’ve changed
same thing as me and have no interest together to help my recovery and jobs four times in 25 years, and I have
in what I am doing. I share my office return to work.” — Philip Fernandez, invested quite a bit in work relationships
with three colleagues, but we don’t talk Canada over the past 10 (5 of those in senior
about work, only basic pleasantries. management positions). But once
What helped me was making digital “I felt the sting of loneliness in my I left, these investments were lost,
connections. Skype was fantastic; previous job, where my colleagues which made me wonder whether work
Slack even better. I began chatting with took advantage of me and bullied me. relationships are superficial by nature.
colleagues on the other side of the Where I work now, there is a stGESrong Still, I’ve seen how connecting can
A
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HBR.ORG THE BIG IDEA 8
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CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY
French to work with their coworkers — Anonymous, Foreign Service, United “I used to share a workspace with about
in India, so we asked everyone to States five people. We would joke or talk
share something personal. One guy about current events, workplace gossip,
was a guitar player, which he had in “I’ve always felt like an outlier in terms our shared dislike of Taylor Swift, etc.
common with a notoriously defensive of age, skills, and background at work, One person in our ‘pod’ left for another
senior French accountant. The French but at my previous jobs — at hip, small, job opportunity. Then one by one,
employee reached out and asked his and tight-knit firms — I was able to most of us left. Now I don’t have many
Indian colleague to bring his guitar the move past that because I was a good colleagues my age or at my stage in
next time he was in Paris. He did, the cultural fit. But my current position, career. There also is a lot of competition
relationship grew despite the language which I’ve had for a few years, is a between teams now, which makes
barrier, and work results improved. conventional cubicle job. I haven’t really friendships harder.” — Anonymous,
They found something deeper that thought about it like this before, but Media, United States
connected them.” — Frank, Consulting, I traded a better fit for more stability
Germany and money, and in hindsight I think that “Because we are busy at work all day
move might have stunted my growth and we “disconnect” when we are
“As a remote employee, the personally and professionally.” — Britt, outside, it can be hard to know if our
shared experiences I have are less Digital Marketing, United States coworkers are our friends. I didn’t
serendipitous and more scheduled realize how much people at work cared
around times when I’m in the office. At “In a previous position, I worked in about me until my mother passed away.
its best, our team finds ways to include a high-rise in New York City. When I received many calls at home and
me even when I’m not there in person. Hurricane Irene hit, back in 2011, many words of encouragement, hugs,
During a fitness challenge, I went for a the city essentially shut down as a and stories of their families that made
walk with others on staff via FaceTime; precaution. Our building shut down the me feel better.” — Gaby, Computing,
I was walking in Massachusetts; they elevators mid-afternoon, so I invited Mexico
were walking in DC. Another time, we my colleague over for a homemade
were celebrating some good news at dinner since restaurants were closed “I have found some of my best friends
work and just as staff were enjoying and grocery stores had limited supplies. in my workplace. If you have office
cake in the office a FedEx truck showed We ended up chatting for five hours. colleagues who are not insecure and
up and delivered cupcakes to my home Although we’ve since moved on to other who share the same value system, they
office.” — Anonymous, Nonprofit/ companies, we still keep in touch and can be your best support system in
Philanthropy, United States remain friends.” — B. Xavier, Marketing this era of cutthroat competition. Your
Communications, United States colleagues know the office politics, so
“In the Foreign Service, work they can relate to you and offer sound
relationships are often intertwined with “I had to move to another country advice. My friend and I compete for
your social life. You usually live in the for a seven-month period to fill in for posts without any ill feeling. We have
same building or area as coworkers. Yet someone who was fired. I had no one ended up saying to each other, ‘Please
people are constantly moving, so even to socialize with after work, and the prepare well! No one should get this
when you create strong bonds with your situation was a little bit tense. One other than one of us.’ ”
colleagues, some will leave. I personally day, one of the girls I was working with — Anonymous, Development, India
love my job, but I also hate living in invited me to go on a trip over the
a fishbowl, so I am selective about weekend with her and her son. After “I had a friend at work who had a great
who I hang out with outside the office. that, she became my family there. With sense of humor and often showed me
I prefer to have most of my friends the other girls in the office, we created that he cared about me. A few months
overseas be non-coworkers. This helps a group for running after work, and after he left,I burned out. I knew he was
me have a good work/life balance. At now, two years later, we are still friends helpful for my well-being, but once he
the same time, work relationships are and talk frequently, even though I’m was gone I realized he was vital. From
important because when you really back in my country and working for him I learned that laughter can be the
need something or are going through another company.” — Fiores, Predictive shortest distance between two people.
a difficult time, it is fellow FSOs who Maintenance Consulting, Dominican When we laugh, we last.” — David
understand more than others.” Republic Zinger, Education/Consulting, Canada
HBR.ORG THE BIG IDEA 9
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CONNECTING AT WORK VIVEK MURTHY
ARTICLE
links) is associated with a decrease
in self-reported mental health. Other
WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT LONELINESS AND WORK?
studies see an upside to technology,
finding that screens and social media
A roundup of the latest thinking on the power of human connection
help us create connections we couldn’t
by Scott Berinato otherwise make.
Here’s what we do know: A significant
S number of people in the world are
pend any time reading on, used to explain (or try to explain) lonely, and loneliness is unhealthy
about loneliness, and everything from why Millennials are the for individuals and organizations.
you’ll quickly hit upon a way they are to why our democracy is How unhealthy? One paper lists the
scary statistic: Since 1985 eroding. following health effects: increased
the share of people who Researchers aren’t actually sure if incidence of clinical depression and
have no one to confide in has tripled, rates of loneliness are rising. Some suicidal ideation, elevated blood
to 25%. This statistic is common surveys report increases in isolation pressure levels, increased levels of
internet knowledge; it’s also wrong. in terms of absolute numbers — as stress hormones, and compromised
The research paper it comes from — the population ages, the thinking immune-system functioning. Loneliness
which also suggests that nearly half of goes, more people are lonely, even if has been also linked to Alzheimer’s
all Americans feel isolated — has been the percentage is unchanged. Some disease, poor sleep, alcoholism,
refuted by multiple follow-up studies. studies suggest that technology is cancer, and premature death. (The
As it turns out, structural flaws in making things worse, isolating us stark finding from one study: “Rats who
the survey account for the seemingly from our important relationships. were isolated experienced increased
massive jump. At least one of the One recent paper draws a clean line incidences of breast cancer. The
original study’s authors concedes that between Facebook use and welGESl-being, tumors were significantly larger than
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HBR.ORG THE BIG IDEA 10
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