Witz: The Story of The Last Jew on the Planet (American Literature (Dalkey Archive))

842 Pages·2010·3.62 MB·English

by  Joshua Cohen

Witz
other works by JOSHUA COHEN

The Quorum

Cadenza for the Schneidermann Violin Concerto

Aleph-Bet: An Alphabet for the Perplexed

A Heaven of Others
A NOVEL BY JOSHUA COHEN

DALKEY ARCHIVE PRESS
CHAMPAIGN AND LONDON
Copyright © 2010 by Joshua Cohen
All rights reserved Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Cohen,
Joshua, 1980-
Witz: the story of the last Jew on earth / Joshua Cohen. -- 1st ed.
p.cm.
ISBN: 978-1-56478-617-3
1. Jewish fiction. I. Title.
PS3553.O42434W58 2010
813’.54--dc22
2009046093
Partially funded by the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and by a
grant from the Illinois Arts Council, a state agency
The publisher and the author would like to thank Rick Fishbein, Ahron Weiner,
and Rabbi Alan Lucas (Temple Beth Shalom) for their generous support of this
project www.dalkeyarchive.com
Cover: design by Danielle Dutton.
In one of our many pious books, we are told the following:

One should not stack books of a lesser holiness atop books of a greater holiness.

Tellingly, in another one of our pious books this dictum is turned on its head—in
a story:

A rabbi stacked a book of the Talmud atop a book of the Torah. Another asked
him, Why are you doing that? And the rabbi answered him, In order to preserve
the book of the Torah, because by covering it with this I will save it from the dust
and the ashes that might fall upon it.

Regardless of which one follows, the book you are holding now should, when
stacked, always be placed in the middle.

This book you are about to read contains no holy words or letters, neither words
nor letters in the Holy Tongue, and nowhere within it are mentioned any of the
many names of God.

Therefore, this book may be ripped or torn, burnt, otherwise destroyed, and
whatever remains require(s) no burial.
“ ”
—God
DEADICATED
to mine enemies,
without whom none of this would have been possible
and Thy write hand shall save me…
Witz:
being, in Yiddish, a joke;
and, as the ending of certain names,
also meaning son of:
e.g. Abramowitz,
meaning son-of-Abram
(also found as –wic, –wich, –wics, –wicz, –witch, –wits, –wyc, –
wych, –wycz, –vic, –vich, –vics, –vicz, –vitch, –vits, –vitz, –vyc, –
vych, and –vycz).
Contents

I

Over There, Then

A First Helping

II

III

2

IV

V

Preparations

6

Welcome to Whateverwitz

In the Church