Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?

240 Pages·2019·20.74 MB·english

by  Caitlin Doughty

Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?
Big Questions from Tiny Mortals about Death
Caitlin Doughty
Illustrations by Dianné Ruz
W.W. NORTON & COMPANY
Independent Publishers Since 1923

To future corpses of all ages
Contents
Before We Begin
When I die, will my cat eat my eyeballs?
What would happen to an astronaut body in space?
Can I keep my parents’ skulls after they die?
Will my body sit up or speak on its own after I die?
We buried my dog in the backyard, what would happen if we dug
him up now?
Can I preserve my dead body in amber like a prehistoric
insect?
Why do we turn colors when we die?
How does a whole adult fit in a tiny box after cremation?
Will I poop when I die?
Do conjoined twins always die at the same time?
If I died making a stupid face, would it be stuck like that
forever?
Can we give Grandma a Viking funeral?
Why don’t animals dig up all the graves?
What would happen if you swallowed a bag of popcorn before
you died and were cremated?
If someone is trying to sell a house, do they have to tell
the buyer someone died there?
What if they make a mistake and bury me when I’m just in a
coma?
What would happen if you died on a plane?
Do bodies in the cemetery make the water we drink taste bad?
I went to the show where dead bodies with no skin play
soccer. Can we do that with my body?
If someone is eating something when they die, does their body
digest that food?
Can everybody fit in a casket? What if they’re really tall?
Can someone donate blood after they die?
We eat dead chickens, why not dead people?
What happens when a cemetery is full of bodies and you can’t
add any more?
Is it true people see a white light as they’re dying?
Why don’t bugs eat people’s bones?
What happens when you want to bury someone but the ground is
too frozen?
Can you describe the smell of a dead body?
What happens to soldiers who die far away in battle, or whose
bodies are never found?
Can I be buried in the same grave as my hamster?
Will my hair keep growing in my coffin after I’m buried?
Can I use human bones from a cremation as jewelry?
Did mummies stink when they were wrapped?
At my grandma’s wake, she was wrapped in plastic under her
blouse. Why would they do that?
Acknowledgments
Sources

Before We Begin
Oh, hey.
It’s me, Caitlin. You know, the mortician from
the internet. Or that death expert from NPR. Or the weird
aunt who gave you a box of Froot Loops and a framed photo of
Prince for your birthday. I’m many things to many people.
What is this book?
It’s pretty simple. I collected some of the most
distinctive, delightful questions I’ve been asked about
death, and then I answered them. It’s not rocket science, my
friends!
(Note: some of it is, in fact, rocket science. See “What
would happen to an astronaut body in space?”)
Why are people asking you all these death
questions?
Well, again, I’m a mortician, and I’m willing to answer
strange questions. I’ve worked at a crematory, gone to
school for embalming, traveled the world to research death
customs, and opened a funeral home. Plus, I’m obsessed with
corpses. Not in a weird way or anything (nervous laughter).
I’ve also given talks all over the United States, Canada,
Europe, Australia, and New Zealand on the wonders of death.
My favorite part of these events is the Q & A. That’s when I
get to hear people’s deep fascination with decaying bodies,
head wounds, bones, embalming, funeral pyres—the works.