Table Of ContentWhy Not All Self-Development is Self-Development
Robert Fritz
The intent is clear. Improve yourself. Develop your talents and abilities. Turn your
weaknesses into strengths. The instinct comes from our desire to grow, to better
ourselves, to reach for what we imagine is possible, to live up to our potential.
However, often what looks like self-development is a dual-edged sword. One edge
of the blade is the notion that, as we are, we are not enough: not good enough, not
accomplished enough, not worth enough, not virtuous enough, not smart enough,
and not competent enough.
Self-development begins with the premise that there is something wrong with us
and therefore, we MUST change. The motivation is not the actual developmental
process itself, but fixing something that we think is broken.
Too often, those who enter into self-development programs have mixed motives. On
the one hand, they feel there is more to who they are and more to life, and they
aspire to fulfill that potential. Yet, lurking in the back of their minds is the obligation
to overcome their faults, heal their mental or emotional failings, and conquer the
basic iniquity that exists in their souls.
Self-development, in this context, is about getting away from how one sees oneself.
On the surface, it’s all about the benefits of growth and progress, but underneath the
surface is a kind of hidden shame about what is suspected to be the real truth: a
critically flawed human being. What looks like seeking higher accomplishment is,
ironically, actually driven by a clear rejection of one’s self.
Some programs that talk in terms of self-development play off hidden fears that
people have. They warn against the undeveloped human condition. They preach
that, if left unchanged, people can be destructive, harmful, and perhaps even evil. As
a result, they are in need of saving, and, throughout the program, they are reminded
of their deep-seated fears. Marketing can be steeped in guilt, goading potential
participants to sign up or experience the negative consequences. This is an example
of the stick in the stick and carrot metaphor.
Then there is the carrot. How wonderful life will be once one becomes “self-
realized.” Much of this kind of magical thinking, in the form of positive thinking, law
of attraction, super-powers of the mind, and other such metaphysical “secrets” are
invitations to join the special club of those in-the-know and working toward
spiritual enlightenment. It is an attractive proposition to all. Yet, too often, after
years of hardworking dedication, the person who has spent much time and a small
fortune on learning and practicing the various techniques, finds him or herself in the
very same place they began. Patterns have a way of recurring. What seemed like
self-development was actually a vicious circle in the end.
Yet there is a path to true self-development. It does not begin with the motivation of
overcoming ones-self as if there is a problem to solve. Nor does it begin with the
demand to adopt the right beliefs and mental techniques. It begins with the desire to
engage in a true life-building process. At the root of this desire is a longing to reach
for more, not because it will ensure happiness or rid one of one’s own devils, but for
the same reason that explorers want to see what is beyond the hill, or inventors
want to play with a new way of engineering something, or composers want to write
music they can imagine but have never heard in reality. It is the height of the human
spirit: to create, to bring into being something that has yet to exist.
The first step in this type of self-development is the exact same as that practiced in
the creative process in the arts and sciences; to envision an outcome or creation, to
give birth to something that matters. Once that vision becomes the central
organizing principle, the next step is to understand the starting point: where are we
now in relationship to where we want to be? This question often engenders a real
exploration of one’s-self. Truth, rather than positive or negative thinking, is the
stock-in-trade of this step. The motivation is not to uncover hidden problems to
address, but to be able to create the outcome that was envisioned.
Step three is to translate the first two steps into actions, actions that are designed
for only one reason, to accomplish the desired result.
And from this creative process, growth and development are natural by-products,
not sought for their own aims, but in order to support the vision. This, then,
becomes the key to true self-development. Not to try and develop one’s self, but to
create something that matters deeply, and from the act of creating, find that you
have grown, learned, and developed as a human being.
For more on Robert Fritz and “Creating Your Life” online course visit
www.wisepond.com
©2011 Robert Fritz
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