Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day

235 Pages·2016·1.25 MB·English

by  Anne Katherine

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C
ONTENTS
Multitudinous Gratitude
Chapter 1. What Are Boundaries?
Chapter 2. Time Boundaries
Chapter 3. Defenses versus Boundaries
Chapter 4. Communication Boundaries
Chapter 5. Setting Boundaries on Defensiveness
Chapter 6. Boundary Violations
Chapter 7. Setting Limits on Attack
Chapter 8. Anger Boundaries
Chapter 9. Making Amends
Chapter 10. Friendship Boundaries
Chapter 11. Gossip Gossip Gossip (or Triangulation)
Chapter 12. Intimacy Boundaries
Chapter 13. Holiday, Birthday, and Celebration Boundaries
Chapter 14. Sexual Boundaries
Chapter 15. Gender Boundaries
Chapter 16. Divorce Boundaries
Chapter 17. Possession Boundaries
Chapter 18. Parent Boundaries
Chapter 19. Spiritual Boundaries
Chapter 20. Tidiness Boundaries
Chapter 21. Dress and Appearance Boundaries
Chapter 22. Boundaries for Illness and Chronic Conditions
Chapter 23. When Someone Is Dying
Chapter 24. Autonomy Boundaries
Chapter 25. Food Boundaries
Chapter 26. Internet Boundaries
Chapter 27. Therapist Boundaries
Chapter 28. Your Safe Country
To the loved ones who rest in my heart:
Sherry Ascher
Frances West
Barbara Blackburn
Jill Shea
Shirley Averett
&
The Antique Buddies
Abe (Ann Briel Weston)
Cassie (Cassandra Major)
Dusty (Karen Riggs Selby)
Jabber (Judy Burns)
And to those who form the fabric of my beloved community:
The Admiral’s Cove Bridge and Liverpool Society Comfort Zone
M G
ULTITUDINOUS RATITUDE
In our era, the road to holiness necessarily
passes through the world of action.
—D H
AG AMMARSKJÖLD
I give thanks:
To the Creator for blessing me with life;
To my loved ones for believing in what I could not see for myself;
To my family, who, despite various trials, showed up in time, especially
Mamaw, and Papaw, Uncle Bud, and Aunt Marji;
To my community for steeping me in joy and fun;
To my clients for calling for the best from me;
For the sacred places of the earth, particularly Camp Koch, Northern Hills,
Hollyhock, Delphi, and the Island;
To my teachers, especially Dr. Jean Houston, Marge Felder, MA, and Cody
Sontag, MS, for lighting passages to vivid, soul-expanding places;
To Scott Edelstein, my honorable, boundaried agent, a mensch;
To Caroline Sutton, my delightful editor, who uses brush-strokes to move
mountains;
To Christine Lockhart, who does the incredible, puzzling job of keeping me in
order;
To Rabbitt Boyer, Computer Guru Extraordinaire, who—at midnight—
rescued my printer from convulsive fits, and who says, no matter how terrifying
the problem, “This isn’t serious. We can fix it.”
And to Laura Blankenship and Roxy Etherton, who—two weeks before my
deadline when my house became uninhabitable—reached out with their
abundant kindness and generosity to provide shelter and a spirit of possibility.
C
AUTION
As you deal with most people of good nature, setting boundaries will improve
not only your life, but theirs as well. But there are some people who are
dangerous, or who love their power or control so much that a clear verbal
boundary is seen as a challenge to be defeated.
If someone has given you reason to fear them, be careful about how you set a
boundary with them. Before deciding on what boundaries to set, first assess your
own risk. If you, your children, your home, or your possessions would be
endangered by setting verbal boundaries, create a physical boundary through
distance, or by relocating. If you live with or work for a person who could
threaten you if you set a boundary, talk to a third person for counsel as to the
best course for you to follow. As necessary, use lots of help from other good,
trustworthy people to ensure your safety and security.