Table Of Content“At once deeply theological and practically relevant, this is one of the top books
on marriage I have ever read. Paul Tripp allows readers to examine marriage
through a biblical lens so that we understand how God can graciously heal our
hurting homes. As a pastor, I will implore our people to read this book.”
CHRIS BRAUNS, Senior Pastor, Congregational Christian Church,
Stillman Valley, Illinois; author, Unpacking Forgiveness
“What I’ve come to expect from Paul Tripp is consistently deep, transparent,
biblical, wise, practical, gospel-driven counsel. Rather than muddying the water
with self-focused strategies designed to meet our ever-multiplying needs, Paul,
as the seasoned soul-physician he is, correctly diagnoses our problems and
provides the cure—humble faith in Jesus Christ. I wasn’t disappointed. You
won’t be either.”
ELYSE FITZPATRICK, author, Women Helping Women
“Paul Tripp brings many years of counseling, growth as a husband, and
deepening discovery of the liberating power of grace to this realistic and
challenging guide to God’s engagement in redeeming marriages that are
threatened by complacency, misunderstanding, and selfishness. The Bible’s
message of the humbling and healing power of Christ’s mercy and the powerful
presence of his Spirit in our homes comes through loud and clear. The daily
practicality of gospel doctrine is made crystal clear by Tripp’s transparency
about his personal missteps in becoming a Christ-reflecting husband and the
many examples of couples who have discovered that they are sinners married to
sinners. But that the third, divine Party in marriage gives hope and change when
unrealistic expectations are shattered and when we confront our sin. But be
warned: Tripp’s diagnostic questions are downright uncomfortable. Even those
with strong marriages by God’s grace will find their deep tendencies toward self-
coronation challenged!”
DENNIS E. JOHNSON, Professor of Practical Theology, Westminster
Seminary California
“Paul Tripp issues a challenge for couples to roll up their sleeves, get to work,
and do what it takes to build a God-honoring relationship. He presents six
commitments for couples to make, and contained within each is insightful,
practical, and effective advice on how to construct a loving, growing, grace-
soaked marriage.”
MARY A. KASSIAN, author, Girls Gone Wise in a World
Gone Wild; Professor of Women’s Studies, Southern Baptist
Theological Seminary
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
Crossway books by Paul David Tripp:
A Shelter in the Time of Storm:
Meditations on God and Trouble (2009)
Whiter Than Snow:
Meditations on Sin and Mercy (2008)
What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage
Copyright © 2010 by Paul David Tripp
Published by Crossway
1300 Crescent Street
Wheaton, Illinois 60187
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without
the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law.
Cover design: Josh Dennis
Cover illustration: Veer
First printing 2010
Printed in the United States of America
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English
Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News
Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations marked ASV are from the American Standard Version of the Bible.
Scripture quotations marked NASB are from The New American Standard Bible®. Copyright © The
Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission.
Scripture references marked NIV are from The Holy Bible: New International Version ®. Copyright ©
1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All
rights reserved.
The “NIV” and “New International Version” trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and
Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires the permission of
International Bible Society.
All emphases in Scripture quotations have been added by the author.
Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-4335-1176-9
PDF ISBN: 978-1-4335-1177-6
Mobipocket ISBN: 978-1-4335-1178-3
ePub ISBN: 978-1-4335-2340-3
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Tripp, Paul David, 1950–
What did you expect? : redeeming the realities of marriage / Paul David Tripp.
p. cm.
ISBN: 978-1-4335-1176-9 (hc)
1. Marriage—Religious aspects—Christianity. I. Title.
BV835.T75 2010
248.8'44—dc22 2009040500
Crossway is a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
LB 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10
15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
There aren’t many couples who are graced
by having such fine examples go
before them.
Thanks, Tedd and Margy,
for giving us a living example
of how to live in marriage
God’s way.
CONTENTS
Preface
1 What Did You Expect?
2 Reason to Continue
3 Whose Kingdom?
4 Day by Day
COMMITMENT 1: We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession
and forgiveness.
5 Coming Clean: Confession
6 Canceling Debts
COMMITMENT 2: We will make growth and change our daily agenda.
7 Pulling Weeds
8 Planting Seeds
COMMITMENT 3: We will work together to build a sturdy bond of trust.
9 Sticking Out Your Neck
10 Someone to Be Trusted
Description:Marriage, according to Scripture, will always involve two flawedpeople living with each other in a fallen world. Yet, in pastorPaul Tripp's professional experience, the majority of couples entermarriage with unrealistic expectations, leaving them unprepared forthe day-to-day realities of married lif
