Walking the night road : coming of age in grief

180 Pages·2015·10.08 MB·English

by  Butler

Walking
the
Night Road
Coming of Age in Grief
ALEXANDRA BUTLER
Walking the Night Road

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Walking

the
Night Road
Coming of Age in Grief
W
ALEXANDRA BUTLER
Columbia University Press
New York

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Columbia University Press
Publishers Since 1893
New York Chichester, West Sussex
cup.columbia.edu
Copyright © 2015 Alexandra Butler
All rights reserved
A translation of C. P. Cavafy’s poem “The God Abandons Antony” is reprinted
here by permission of Princeton University Press from C. P. Cavafy:
Collected Poems, edited by George Savidis, translated by Edmund Keeley
and Philip Sherrard (Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1992).
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Butler, Alexandra.
Walking the night road : coming of age in grief / Alexandra Butler.
pages cm
isbn 978-0-231-16752-9 (cloth : acid-free paper)—isbn 978-0-231-16753-6
(paperback : acid-free paper)—isbn 978-0-231-53679-0 (e-book)
1. Butler, Alexandra—Family. 2. Lewis, Myrna I.—Health. 3. Glioblastoma
multiforme—Patients—Family relationships. 4. Glioblastoma multiforme—
Patients—United States—Biography. 5. Mothers and daughters—United
States. 6. Butler, Robert N., 1927–2010. 7. Women caregivers—United States—
Biography. 8. Caregivers—Psychology—Case studies. 9. Terminal care—
Psychological aspects—Case studies. 10. Grief—Case studies. I. Title.
rc280.b7b88 2015
362.196994810092—dc23
2014045641
Columbia University Press books are printed on permanent
and durable acid-free paper.
This book is printed on paper with recycled content.
Printed in the United States of America
c 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
p 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Cover design: Jordan Wannemacher
Cover image: © Ketuta Alexi-Meskhishvili
References to Web sites (URLs) were accurate at the time of writing.
Neither the author nor Columbia University Press is responsible for URLs
that may have expired or changed since the manuscript was prepared.
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For Robin and Kon
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When suddenly, at midnight, you hear
an invisible procession going by
with exquisite music, voices,
don’t mourn your luck that’s failing now,
work gone wrong, your plans
all proving deceptive—don’t mourn them uselessly.
As one long prepared, and graced with courage,
say goodbye to her, the Alexandria that is leaving.
Above all, don’t fool yourself, don’t say
it was a dream, your ears deceived you:
don’t degrade yourself with empty hopes like these.
As one long prepared, and graced with courage,
as is right for you who proved worthy of this kind of city,
go fi rmly to the window
and listen with deep emotion, but not
with the whining, the pleas of a coward;
listen—your fi nal delectation—to the voices,
to the exquisite music of that strange procession,
and say goodbye to her, to the Alexandria you are losing.
—C. P. Cavafy, “The God Abandons Antony”
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Acknowledgments
W
I
WANT TO THANK MY GUARDIAN ANGEL JUDITH
Estrine, the fi rst person after my father to read the manu-
script of this book, and Helen Rehr, who is the reason it
is published. Jennifer Perillo of Columbia University Press is
a fantastic editor and a joy to work with, and Stephen Wesley,
Meredith Howard, Kathryn Jorge, Anne McCoy, and Jordan
Wannemacher all helped make transforming my manuscript
into a book possible.
Dan Blank, Lynne Griffi n, Anna Goldstein, Anne
Burack-Weiss, Andrew Achenbaum, Tracy Brown, Jeanette
Takamura, Ursula Staudinger, Helen Rehr, Thomasena
Wilson, Morriseen Barrimore, Diane Meier, Barbara Paris,
Andrea Longacre-White, Brendan Fowler, Janelle Cori,
Beverly Torres, Caitlin Rider, Lina Mati, Anicka Yi, Ketuta
Alexi- Meskhishvili, Lisa Farjam, Mirabelle Marden, Sahra
Motalebi, Tina Tyrell, Cristina Bloom, Vicky Usle, Emily
Straight, Caitlin Wall, Eli Robinson, Isabel Penzlien, Alec
Coiro, Daniel Holzman, Karyn Starr, Will Reiser, Alex
Maynard, David Maynard, Dori Maynard, Marc Clopton,
Joan Retallack, Vicki Levy, Alexandra Sacks, Anna Kelly,
Marina Auerbach, Michael Trubkovich, Lev Trubkovich,
Maya Levin, and Katie Rudik all deserve my gratitude, as do
my big, beautiful Minnesota family and the intrepid Anne
Carlson.
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