Uptight and In Your Face: Coping with an Anxious Boss, Parent, Spouse, or Lover

192 Pages·2010·1 MB·English

by  Nina W. Brown

Uptight and In Your Face
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Uptight and In Your
Face
Coping with an Anxious Boss, Parent,
Spouse, or Lover
Nina W. Brown
Copyright2011byNinaW.Brown
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,
storedinaretrievalsystem,ortransmitted,inanyformorbyany
means,electronic,mechanical,photocopying,recording,orotherwise,
exceptfortheinclusionofbriefquotationsinareview,withoutprior
permissioninwritingfromthepublisher.
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Brown,NinaW.
Uptightandinyourface:copingwithananxiousboss,parent,
spouse,orlover/NinaW.Brown.
p.cm.
Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex.
ISBN978-0-313-38555-1(hbk.:alk.paper)—ISBN978-0-313-38556-8
(ebook)1.Interpersonalconflict.2.Interpersonalrelations—Psychological
aspects.3.Personalityassessment.4.Stress(Psychology)5.Adjustment
(Psychology)I.Title.II.Title:Copingwithananxiousboss,parent,
spouse,orlover.
BF637.I48B76 2011
158.2—dc22 2010034546
ISBN:978-0-313-38555-1
EISBN:978-0-313-38556-8
15 14 13 12 11 1 2 3 4 5
ThisbookisalsoavailableontheWorldWideWebasaneBook.
Visitwww.abc-clio.comfordetails.
Praeger
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Thisbookisprintedonacid-freepaper
ManufacturedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica
Contents
Acknowledgments vii
Preface ix
1 Intense,Anxious,andSelf-Absorbed 1
2 WhatYouSeeandFeel 17
3 ABleakLandscape:TheUptightPerson’sInternalLife 35
4 AnxiousaboutDeprivation:TheImpoverished-self
HoarderType 51
5 DeprivingSelfandOthers:TheAustere
WithholdingType 67
6 WallowinginGreedandExcess:TheIndulgentand
EntitledType 83
7 ‘‘YouWillDoWhatIWant’’:TheControllingand
ManipulativeType 99
8 ‘‘EveryoneandEverythingIsAgainstMe’’:TheRevengeful
ComplainerType 119
9 WhyTheyGetNexttoYou:UnderstandYourReactions 135
10 MakeItBetterforYourself:CopingwiththeUptightPerson 151
References 173
Index 175
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Acknowledgments
Appreciation and thanks are extended to many people who pro-
vided me with the inspiration for this book, and they shall remain
nameless. However, some people deserve recognition for their sup-
port and encouragement during the writing process. I want to thank
Hylene Dublin, MSW, for listening and understanding what I was
trying to sort out and convey; George Saiger, MD, who always has
good suggestions and gives encouragement; and Rosemary Thomp-
son, Ed.D, a good friend and fellow writer.
ThanksarealsoextendedtoDebbieCarvalko,theeditoratABC-CLIO
whoguidedmethroughthisprocessandsawthepotentialforthisbook.
My heartfelt thanks go to each one of you.
Nina W. Brown
May 2010
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Preface
This book was written to be a guide and support for people who
have to live, work, or interact on a regular basis with someone who
is intense, anxious, and self-absorbed, which I term ‘‘uptight.’’ The
dictionary describes uptight as being tense, outraged, angry, and
adhering rigidly to convention, but that definition only captures a
part of what these people are like. Underlying the tenseness is anxi-
ety, and yes, they do tend to be angry but it is difficult to know why
they are angry or toward whom as their anger seems to be about
and toward almost everything and everyone. Further, the rigid ad-
herence is only for what they consider to be right and proper, with
little or no understanding or adoption of standard conventions. In
addition, the definition does not include mention of self-absorbed
behaviors and attitudes that this book addresses.
This book grew out of my experiences with several people who
were intense, anxious, and self-absorbed, but who did not or could
not see or appreciate the negative impact of their attitudes and
behaviors on others, and who would get very angry and defensive
when I tried to make them aware of how they were affecting me and
others. They were not able to understand that the relationships were
affected, seemed to have an attitude that they were right, and that
others just ought to accept the validity of what they said or did with-
out having any negative feelings. They did not seem to care about
others’ feelings and perspectives, although they constantly said that
they did, and were devaluing and dismissive of these.