Uncle John's Giant 10th Anniversary Bathroom Reader

718 Pages·2012·2.27 MB·English

by  Bathroom Readers' Institute

Uncle John’s
GIANT
10th ANNIVERSARY
BATHROOM
READER
The Bathroom Readers’
Institute
Bathroom Readers’ Press
Ashland, Oregon
UNCLE JOHN’S
GIANT 10th ANNIVERSARY
BATHROOM READER
Copyright © 1997 by The Bathroom Readers’ Press (a division of Portable Press). All rights reserved. No
part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except
in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
“Bathroom Reader” and “Bathroom Readers’ Institute” are registered trademarks of Baker & Taylor, Inc.
All rights reserved.
For information, write The Bathroom Readers’ Institute,
P.O. Box 1117, Ashland, OR 97520
www.bathroomreader.com
Cover design by Michael Brunsfeld
BRI Technician on back cover: Larry Kelp
Uncle John’s Giant 10th Anniversary Bathroom Reader
by The Bathroom Readers’ Institute
eISBN: 978-1-60710-669-2
E-Book Edition: November 2012
“One Tough Lama,” reprinted with permission from CyberSangha: The Buddhist Alternative Journal,
copyright © 1996.
“Sex in Aladdin: Anatomy of a Rumor,” copyright © 1995; “Is Your Name Your Destiny?,” copyright ©
1997, and “The First Computer Programmers,” copyright © 1996, reprinted by permission of the Wall
Street Journal, Dow Jones and Co., Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.
“A Clean Fight: Bath vs Shower,” by Jay Stuller, reprinted with permission from HEALTH (formerly IN
HEALTH), copyright © 1990.
“What a Trip! The CIA & LSD,” “Silkwood,” and “Castro vs. the CIA,” originally appeared in It’s a
Conspiracy! by The National Insecurity Council. Text copyright © 1992, by Michael Litchfield. Published
by EarthWorks Press. Reprinted by permission of EarthWorks Press.
Selections from Primetime Proverbs, copyright © 1989, by Jack Mingo and John Javna, reprinted by
permission of the authors.
“The Insane Experiment,” by David Perlman, copyright © 1973, San Francisco Chronicle, reprinted with
permission.
“Elvis Sings Opera,” and “So You Want to be a Rock and Roll Star?” from Behind the Hits, copyright ©
1985, by Bob Shannon and John Javna, reprinted by permission of the authors.
“The Great Regurgitator” and “The Proverbial Truth” extracts from THE BOOK OF LISTS, copyright ©
1980, by David Wallechinsky, Irving Wallace, Sylvia Wallace, and Amy Wallace and DAVID
WALLECHINSKY’S TWENTIETH CENTURY copyright © 1995 by David Wallechinsky, reprinted with
kind permission from the authors.
“Who Painted the Elevator?,” from Opus Maledictorum: A Book of Bad Words copyright © 1966 by
Reinhold Aman, reprinted by permission of the publisher, Marlowe & Co.
“Countdown to 2000,” “Exploitation 2000,” from The Bathroom Readers’ Guide to the Year 2000,
copyright © 1996, by Eric Lefcowitz, reprinted by permission of EarthWorks Press.
Excerpts used in “Japan’s Space-Age Toilets,” from But Do They Flush?, by Mary Jordan and Kevin
Sullivan (Washington Post Foreign Service), copyright © 1997, The Washington Post, reprinted with
permission.
“Alias ‘Alan’ Smithee,” from Allen Smithee, copyright © 1996, The Economist Newspaper Group, Inc.,
reprinted with permission. Further reproduction prohibited.
“Encyclopedia Bathroomica,” originally appeared as “Encyclopedia Tropicana: A Reference Book to the
Modern World,” by Joel Achenbach, copyright © 1986. Reprinted with permission of The Miami Herald.
“Techno-Slang,” from Jargon Watch by Gareth Branwyn, copyright © 1996. All rights reserved. Reprinted
by permission of Gareth Branwyn and Wired Books, Inc.
“Looking Forward, Looking Back,” was originally the Palo Alto High School Baccalaureate Speech given
June 11, 1995 by Guy Kawasaki, copyright © 1995 Guy Kawasaki. Used by his kind permission.
“Radio Waves” from Reading the Numbers, A Survival Guide to the Measurements, Numbers, and Sizes
Encountered in Everyday Life, copyright © 1989, Beaver Island Books. Permission to reprint by Mary
Blocksma.
Calling all Bathroom Readers!
Visit our new website at
www.unclejohn.com or
www.bathroomreader.com
• Submit articles! • Enter contests!
• Suggest topics for future editions!
THANK YOU!
The Bathroom Readers’ Institute sincerely thanks the people whose advice and
assistance made this book possible.
John Javna
John Dollison
Gordon Javna
Jack Mingo
Lenna Lebovich
Tim Harrower
Erik Linden
Sage
Jennifer Massey
David Sugar (Prof. Pear) Erin Keenan
Casey Bourgeois
Melissa Schwarz
Sharilyn Hovind
Andy Sohn
Michael Brunsfeld
Sherry Powell
Chris Rose-Merkle
Béla Keenan
David Wallechinsky
Scott Dalgarno
Stephanie Keenan
Askjanis Editorial
Julie Roeming
Lonnie Kirk
Paul Stanley
Bennie Slomski
Jeff Altemus
Valerie Hendel
Jeff Painter
Paul Protter
Shelley Brigman
Mary Kaufman
Andrea Freewater
Abby Granach
Richard Moeschl
Jenny McCracken
Bill Eriksen
Peter McCracken
Thomas Crapper
Jesse & Sophie, B.R.I.T.
Steve Brummett
Sam and Sarah
Hi to Emily and Molly!
“The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them”
—Samuel McChord Crothers, The Gentle Reader
Hiya Gideon! Hiya Sam!
CONTENTS
NOTE
Because the B.R.I. understands your reading needs, we’ve divided the contents
by length as well as subject.
Short—a quick read
Medium—1 to 3 pages
Long—for those extended visits, when something a little more involved is
required.
*Extended—for a leg-numbing experience.
BATHROOM NEWS
Short
Bathroom Beginnings
Medium
A Clean Fight: Bath vs Shower
Who Painted the Elevator?
Long
Japan’s Space-Age Toilets
THE REEL STUFF
Short
First Films
Movie Bloopers
Reel Quotes
Reel Quotes
Hard-Boiled
Damn You, Stink Man!
Wretched Reviews
Medium
Video Treasures
Long
Little Shop of Horrors
*King Kong
WORDPLAY
Short
Flubbed Headlines
Why Ask Why?
Why Ask Why?
The Personals
Har-Har! Rah-Rah!
Techno-slang
Alpo & Green Slime
Yiddish-American Slang
Parlez-Vous Pentagonese?
Modern-Day Latin
SUPERSTITION & TRADITIONS
Short
Celebrity Superstitions
Medium
Why a Rabbit’s Foot?
Love Potion #9
Old Wives’ Tales
Curses!
Curses!
Baseball Curses
Superstitions
Long
The Curse of the Hope Diamond
POP SCIENCE
Short
Q&A: Ask the Experts
Q&A: Ask the Experts
Here Comes the Sun
Mr. Moonlight
The Proverbial Truth
Medium
Life’s an Itch
Fart Facts
Oh, What a Tangled Web
How a Microwave Works
The Insane Experiment
The Big Dipper
The Discovery of the Planets
Great Moments in Telephone History
Long
Radio Waves
* Encyclopedia Bathroomica
MYTH-INFORMED
Short
Myth-Conceptions
Myth-Spoken
Medium
Classic Rumors
Based on a True Story
Queen of the Nile
Olympic Myths
Long
*Urban Legends
* Anatomy of a Rumor
POLITICS
Short
Your Government at Work
Medium
Democracy in Action
Presidential Influence
Other Presidential Firsts
Long
Celebrity Also-Rans
THE NAME GAME
Short
Brand Names
Brand Names