Table Of ContentUnchosen
The Hidden Lives of Hasidic Rebels
Hella Winston
Beacon Press, Boston
Beacon Press
25 Beacon Street
Boston, Massachusetts 02108-2892
www.beacon.org
Beacon Press books
are published under the auspices of
the Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations.
© 2005 by Hella Winston
All rights reserved
Printed in the United States of America
09 08 07 06 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
This book is printed on acid-free paper that meets the uncoated paper
ANSI/NISO specifications for permanence as revised in 1992.
Text design by Bob Kosturko
Composition by Wilsted & Taylor Publishing Services
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Winston, Hella.
Unchosen : the hidden lives of Hasidic rebels / Hella Winston.—1st ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 0-8070-3627-7 (pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Jews—New York (State)—
New York—Biography. 2. Hasidim—New York (State)—New York—
Biography. 3. Hasidim—New York (State)—New York—Social conditions.
4. New York (N.Y.)—Religion. I. Title.
F128.9.J5W55 2005
305.6'968332'097471—dc22
2005007929
In memory of my grandparents,
Salamon and Hella Schönberg
Contents
Introduction vii
Chapter One: Changing Trains 1
Chapter Two: Wigged Out 19
Chapter Three: Floating 37
Chapter Four: From the Outskirts 49
Chapter Five: Coming and Going 61
Chapter Six: Building a Different Kind of Chabad House 71
Chapter Seven: Becoming a Rock Star 87
Chapter Eight: Second Acts 101
Chapter Nine: Dancing at Two Weddings 117
Chapter Ten: A Cautionary Tale 133
Chapter Eleven: L’Chaim 147
Conclusion 165
Afterword 172
Glossary 177
Acknowledgments 183
Notes 185
The nature of the subject matter of this book required me to change
the names and certain aspects of the characters who appear on its
pages, with the exception of Malkie Schwartz, whose name is her
own. In some cases, elements of particular events were changed as
well. These changes were made solely to protect the privacy of those
who, in many cases, took serious risks to share their stories. These
changes, however, do not alter the essential truth of their experi-
ences, or their thoughts and feelings about those experiences.
Introduction
As I glance around the large dining room table, I am struck by just
how oddly familiar these women seem to me, although I have never
actually met any of them before. They are all members of the ex-
tremely insular Satmar Hasidic sect. Socializing with a secular Jew
like me—let alone having one in their home for a meal—is some-
thing most would do only under very unusual circumstances, if at
all. The women are all dressed modestly, in long skirts, thick stock-
ings, high-necked sweaters, and monochromatic cloth turbans that
expose no hair. But, despite their dress, and their frequent lapses into
Yiddish I can only intermittently understand, there is something
about these Satmar women that reminds me of some of the women
in my extended family, even several of my friends. Is it in their fea-
tures, I wonder? There is, after all, great variety here: a few have dark
eyes and olive skin, while others are fairer, with freckles, or blue
eyes. Perhaps it’s something less tangible or purely physical—like
the forceful, animated way they are speaking over one another, or
their constant concern that I have enough food on my plate.
Whatever it is, I do know that after so many frustrating weeks of
trying to find a way into this community for my doctoral disserta-
tion in sociology, I am excited, and more than a little nervous, to be
sitting here. Of course, I was prepared for how difficult gaining ac-
cess would be, given what I had read and heard about how fervently
the Satmarers seek to avoid contact with outsiders. If I wanted to
meet Hasidic people, I was told repeatedly, I should go to Crown
Heights. There, Lubavitchers zealously court the opportunity to in-
troduce unaffiliated Jews to the beauty of “true” Judaism.
vii
viii Int roduc t i on
Indeed, a good many popular accounts of Hasidic Jews have fo-
cused on Lubavitch. Several Jewish journalists and scholars have pro-
duced largely admiring books describing the compelling Lubavitch
1
philosophy, way of life, and formidable outreach efforts. With its
“mitzvah tanks,” campus Chabad houses, celebrity-studded fundrais-
ing telethons, and outposts across the globe, Lubavitch has become
almost synonymous with Hasidism. This despite the fact that in the
2
United States it numbers less than half the size of Satmar and is
hardly representative of the Hasidic community as a whole. With
their mission—unique in the Hasidic world—to attract unaffiliated
Jews, Lubavitchers are raised to engage with ( Jewish) outsiders, do-
3
ing missionary work wherever Jews are found around the world. As
4
Sue Fishkoff so vividly documents, however, Lubavitch missionar-
ies do this apparently without compromising their strictly Orthodox
way of life.
This emphasis on proselytizing has meant that a significant per-
centage of Lubavitchers were not born into the community, but
joined by choice. Often those who join, known as baalei teshuvah
(“masters of return”), have led formerly secular (or at least non-
Orthodox) lives, which likely included a college education or be-
yond. In fact, in her book on Lubavitch girls, Stephanie Wellen
Levine asserts that in the year 2000, 70 percent of the Lubavitch
5
girls’ school’s graduating class came from baalei teshuvah homes.
This focus on proselytizing has, understandably, fueled much of
6
the interest in this group. Additionally, Lubavitch raises a substan-
7
tial amount of money from non-Hasidic Jews, —including Revlon
billionaire Ronald Perelman and cosmetics mogul Ronald Lauder
—who apparently support its mission without any intention of com-
mitting to the lifestyle. All of this is in strong contrast to the other
Hasidic sects, which include Satmar, Ger, Viznitz, Belz, Bobov,
Skver, Spinka, Pupa, and Breslov, to name only a few. In these sects,
almost all members are born into the community, and none engages
in formal outreach, making them comparatively more insulated
from, and less aware of, the ways of the outside society than their
counterparts in Lubavitch.
Int roduc t i on ix
It was precisely for these reasons that I did not want to go to
Crown Heights. While Lubavitch’s openness to even the most sec-
ular Jew would have made gaining access to that community fairly
easy, it was, to a great extent, the self-imposed insularity and segre-
gation of the Hasidim that had made me so interested in them to
begin with. Also, given that so many Lubavitchers join that com-
munity by choice, I felt that any in-depth inquiry into the daily life
of Lubavitch would require both an exploration of the motivations
and experiences of such people, and a consideration of the effect of
this phenomenon on the group as a whole—tasks I was not prepared
to undertake. Further, I was concerned that the Lubavitch interest
in and skill at proselytizing—not to mention its apparently sophis-
ticated PR operation—might actually make it more difficult for me
to get a complete picture of what everyday life was like in that com-
munity. Groups that are trying to attract potential members, even
those with the purest of intentions, are not apt to expose such peo-
ple to anything that might undermine this goal.
As a result, I decided I would try to find a way into one of the
other communities, and it was ultimately through a doctor friend in
Brooklyn with a large Hasidic practice that I made contact with Suri,
a Satmar woman and my hostess for this evening. When the doctor
first agreed to tell Suri about my interest in meeting Hasidic people,
and to give her my telephone number, I hadn’t actually expected her
to call. After all, Satmar is considered to be the most insular and
8
right-wing of all the Hasidic sects, and anti-Zionist to boot. But, to
my surprise, Suri did call, and our first conversation over the phone
lasted close to an hour. Before we hung up, Suri told me that she
would like to have me to her Brooklyn home for dinner. She wanted
me to meet some of her closest friends—all women deeply involved
9
in the life of their community. I felt as if I had struck gold.
I was impressed, during that initial call, by Suri’s apparent
warmth and openness, her sense of humor and sophistication. She
seemed to have traveled widely, and she held a demanding job in the
community—something that, while by no means unheard of, is still
not the norm for Hasidic women, given their tremendous responsi
