Tough sh*t : life advice from a fat, lazy slob who did good

220 Pages·2012·0.95 MB·English

by  Smith

Tough Sh*t
Tough Sh*t
K E V I N S M I T H
G O T H A M B O O K S
GOTHAM BOOKS
Published by Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
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24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa Penguin Books
Ltd, Registered Offices:
80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England Published by Gotham Books, a
member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
First printing, March 2012
1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2
Copyright © 2012 by Kevin Smith
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or
distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not
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author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.
Gotham Books and the skyscraper logo
are trademarks of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA
Smith, Kevin, 1970-
Tough sh*t : life advice from a fat, lazy slob who did good / Kevin Smith.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-1-101-55424-1
1. Smith, Kevin, 1970-2. Motion picture producers and directors—
United States—Biography. 3. Screenwriters—United States—
Biography. I. Title. II. Title: Tough shit.
PN1998.3.S5864A3 2012
791.4302′33092—dc23
[B] 2011047663
While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone
numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher
nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur
after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does
not assume any responsibility for author or third-party Web sites or their content.
Penguin is committed to publishing works of quality and integrity.
In that spirit, we are proud to offer this book to our readers;
however, the story, the experiences, and the words
are the author’s alone.

ALWAYS LEARNING
PEARSON
Like its author, this book is dedicated to Jen Schwalbach—the gorgeous
mother of my child, the seductive temptress who keeps me faithful, and the
friend I’ve always had the most fun with. My best friend, even.
Also quite like its author, this book is additionally dedicated to Jen
Schwalbach’s asshole.
Everything above also applies here, obviously, except the “mother of my
child” part: Referencing my kid and my wife’s brown-eye in the same
sentiment might come off as crude or something.

(And have a heart: Please don’t go telling my kid you read in her old
man’s book that she’s some kinda Butt-Baby. She’s gonna have a hard
enough time as it is being Silent Bob’s kid—the daughter of the “Too Fat to
Fly” guy.
Also: Please don’t tell my daughter I dedicated the book to her mother’s
sphincter. That’d be weird.)

CONTENTS

Chapter One
Let’s Get This Shit Started!
Chapter Two
Pig Newtons and How All This Shit Happened
Chapter Three
The Shit I Made
Chapter Four
Miramaxkateers and Shit
Chapter Five
Losing My Shit
Chapter Six
Whatchoo Talkin’ ’bout, Willis? And Other Shit It
Took Me Twenty Years to Figure Out
Chapter Seven
Weed, Gretzky, and Getting My Shit Together
Chapter Eight
When the Shit Hit the Fan:
Red State, Part I
Chapter Nine
Holy Shit: Red State, Part II
Chapter Ten
The Glowing Shit That Was in the Briefcase:
Red State, Part III
Chapter Eleven
Talking Shit
Chapter Twelve
The Shit That Happened on the Plane
Chapter Thirteen
Funny as Shit
Chapter Fourteen
My Wife Is the Shit
Closing Thoughts
Taking Someone Else’s Shit
One Last Thing
A Little Shit for the Road
Thanks and Shit!