Total Redneck Manual: 221 Ways to Live Large

348 Pages·2017·14.98 MB·English

by  T. Edward Nickens

THE TOTAL
REDNECK
MANUAL
T. EDWARD NICKENS
and WILL BRANTLEY
FROM THE EDITOR
WHAT IS A REDNECK?

HUNTING
SMALL GAME
001 KNOW YOUR SQUIRREL DOGS
002 CALL SQUIRRELS WITH STUFF IN YOUR JUNK DRAWER
003 BARK A SQUIRREL
004 MAKE A SQUIRREL TOTE
005 PIMP YOUR .22
006 GO PRONE FOR TREE TOPPERS
007 EAT SQUIRREL BRAINS
WHAT THE #*&! IS A WARBLE?
008 SELL A LITTLE TAIL FOR POCKET MONEY
HELL, I CAN SKIN THAT!— SQUIRRELS
009 MAKE A CAJUN SQUIRREL SKINNER
010 PRESERVE A SQUIRREL TAIL
011 TAKE A BUNNY STAND
012 BUILD A RABBIT GUM
013 HANG A SWAMP RABBIT
014 SPEAK LIKE A HOUNDSMAN
015 HUNT A JUNKYARD
HELL, I CAN SKIN THAT!—RABBITS
016 TOTE A SINGLE SHOT
BLOCK OUT FOR BUSHYTAILS
017 KNOW YOUR HOUNDS
BIG GAME
018 HUNT A 20-ACRE WOODS
WHAT THE #*&! IS A HOLLER?
019 MOVE A BUDDY STAND
020 PEE FROM A TREE
021 SHOOT A BUCK OVER BAIT
022 GRAB A BUCK BY THE OYSTERS
023 MAKE RATTLING ANTLERS
024 FIX YOUR BOW WITH DENTAL FLOSS
025 KNOW YOUR X-BOW
026 SPIT-TUNE A MUZZLELOADER
027 AGE VENISON IN A COOLER
028 MAKE A UTILITY TABLE BUTCHER SHOP
029 SHOOT A DEER IN FRONT OF DOGS
030 DRAG A DOE WITH A STICK
031 MAKE YOUR OWN COVER SCENTS
032 PUT ON AN OLD-SCHOOL DEER DRIVE
033 MAKE MEAT
034 LOAD A DEER BY YOURSELF
035 HUNT A SWAMP BUCK
DON’T STEAL YOUR PREGNANT WIFE’S BUCK
036 FRY UP THE BEST ELK EVER
037 SPEAK CRITTER
038 DON’T OVERTHINK IT
039 KNOW YOUR HORSE
040 LOSE THE GUT
041 DECOY A PRONGHORN
HELL, I CAN SKIN THAT!— MOUNTAIN LION
042 TAPE YOUR GATORS
043 BE A REDNECK GOURMET
044 SNATCH A BEARD
045 BLOW A WINGBONE YELPER
046 KILL THE FARM BIRD
047 DRY A FAN
048 MAKE A MOCK DUSTING BOWL
049 BLITZ A MOUNTAIN BIRD
050 PICK A HEN FIGHT
051 DOUBLE LIKE A PRO
052 COOK GOBBLER HOT WINGS
053 SWITCH IT UP WITH AN OLD-SCHOOL CALL
054 FRY A BIRD WHOLE
055 KNOW YOUR TARGET
056 SHOOT A ROTISSERIE PIGLET
057 STICK A WILD PIG
058 READ SWINE SIGN
059 PULL OFF A BEAR DRIVE
060 BAIT A BEAR WITH BACON
061 KILL A BEAR WITH AN $8 KNIFE
062 KNOW WHERE THE BIG BEARS LIVE
GETTING THE MOOSE HOME
UPLAND BIRDS
063 HUNT DITCH PARROTS WITHOUT A DOG
064 MASTER THE GROUND SWAT
065 TEACH A DOG TO TRAIL
066 PREPARE A DOVE FEAST
067 AMBUSH BIRDS AT PONDS AND PINES
068 SHOOT FOR THE BEST DAY
069 PUT BIRDS ON A WIRE
070 BE A SWINGER
071 KNOW WHAT YOUR BIRD DOG SAYS ABOUT YOU
WATERFOWL
072 CLEAN A DUCK CALL
073 COOK DUCK ON A STICK
074 KNOW THE RULES OF PUBLIC LAND
075 SHOOT BEAVER-SWAMP DUCKS
076 MAKE A CANOE VANISH
077 LEARN TO LOVE A SMILING MALLARD
078 HUNT YARD BIRDS
HELL, I CAN CLEAN THAT!—DUCK
079 ROCK A PIRATE’S DUCK HEAD
WORK FOR YOUR DUCKS
SHOOT SOME VARMINTS
080 HUNT ’YOTES DURING DEER SEASON
081 MASTER THE COYOTE KISS
082 DIAL IN A COYOTE SHOTGUN
083 BE A CAT CALLER
084 ENJOY ROAST BEEF OF THE CREEK
085 FIGHT A CHIGGER BITE
086 SQUALL DOWN A COON
HELL, I CAN SKIN THAT!— RATTLESNAKE
087 SHOOT FROM A TRUCK HOOD
TAKE A KID FROG GIGGIN’

FISHING
PANFISH
088 PULL THE LONG LINES
089 FIGHT ’EM TIGHT
090 CATCH BIG GIRLS WITH A SPIDER RIG
091 KICK IT WITH SWIMBAITS
092 MAKE A CRAPPIE LOVE NEST
093 HOLD THE MINNOWS
WHAT THE #*&! IS A SAC-A-LAIT?
094 KEEP A WORM BED
095 GO TO BED
096 MAKE A BREAM PEE
097 ’CRACKER THE CODE
098 FISH LIKE THEY DO IN L.A. (NO, NOT THAT ONE)
099 SHOP LOCAL
100 CHUM BREAM WITH MAGGOTS
HELL, I CAN SCALE THAT!—BREAM
101 BE A BASKET CASE
102 MAKE A BLUEGILL POPPER FROM A WINE CORK
103 FISH A CORK RIG FOR RIVER REDBREAST
104 SPOTLIGHT WHITE BASS
105 FISH THE DEPTHS FOR ELEPHANTS
106 AMBUSH SPAWNING WHITE BASS
GET SERIOUS ABOUT PANFISH
CATFISH
107 FISH THE BENDS
108 LEARN TO LOVE LILY PADS
109 CATCH CATFISH WITH LINGERIE
110 GO NOODLING
111 LEARN SOME WRASSLIN’ MOVES
112 GET THE HOTS FOR CATS
113 SPEAK THE LOCAL LINGO
114 GET THE GEAR
115 GET THE LOW DOWN
116 MAKE A SURVIVAL BUSH HOOK
117 MAKE A POOL NOODLE JUGLINE
118 CHUM FOR POND CATS
HELL, I CAN SKIN THAT!—CATFISH
119 EAT A CAT BELLY
WHAT THE #*@! IS A FIDDLER?
120 MAKE GLOWING LIMBLINES
121 CATCH LIVE BAIT WITH YOUR HANDS
122 BAG BAIT IN BULK
BASS
123 TAKE A HERO SHOT
124 HELP YOUR KID BUILD A BASS PLUG
125 CRANK A RUBBER CRAYFISH
126 STEER A SHINER TO A BIG HAWG
127 TAKE A DATE FISHING
128 FISH A GOLF COURSE
129 ID A GREAT BASS POND
130 WIN THE LOCAL DERBY
131 TWITCH CYPRESS KNEES
132 NIGHT FISH FOR LARGEMOUTHS
133 CATCH A POND LUNKER
134 ’NECK UP A PORK RIND
SNAKES AND SMALLMOUTHS
135 WIN A SLIME FIGHT WITH AN EEL
136 HOOK A LANDLOCKED ROCKFISH
137 SURF-CAST LIKE A CANNON
138 FISH A BASS ORGY
TROUT AND FLIES
139 EMBRACE POWERBAIT
140 SERVE FISH A CASSEROLE
141 SHOW THEM THE SIZZLE
142 FISH A SURE THING
143 DITCH YOUR TREBLES
144 GO TINY WITH A CASTING BUBBLE
145 CATCH A NIGHT MONSTER
146 COOK TROUT ON A STICK
147 FISH A BREAM BED
148 HUNT FOR FLY-TYING MATERIALS
149 GEAR UP
150 TEACH A KID TO FLYFISH
151 PREP YOUR LESSON PLAN
152 TIE A FLY WITH TRUCK TRASH
TROUT FISHING WITH KENNY DEAN
FISH WITH TEETH
153 TWITCH UP CHAINED LIGHTNING
154 RIP HEAVY METAL FOR MUSKIES
155 CATCH A PINT-SIZE WATER WOLF
156 MAKE A DAM JIG
157 FISH A LEECH
158 HEAD SOUTH FOR YOUR TROPHY
159 HAND-LINE A BIG WALLEYE
HELL, I CAN CLEAN THAT!— NORTHERN PIKE
LEARN TO LOVE TRASH
160 BUILD A BOWFISHING RIG
161 BEAT THE DRUM
162 FIND THE BEST CARP