Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued about

197 Pages·2016·0.42 MB·English

by  Millington Mil

Things my girlfriend and I have argued about (online version)
Mil Millington

This is an extremely funny online book, which talks about differences between a
man and a woman. The author also has a paper book with the same title, but
nothing in the book has ever appeared online, so they are completely different.

Mil Millington

Things my girlfriend and I have argued about

(online version)

Margret

from the German «M’ Argr et» meaning ‘to be dangerously insane’

Nothing keeps a relationship on its toes so much as lively debate. Fortunate,
then, that my girlfriend and I agree on absolutely nothing. At all.

Combine utter, polar disagreement on everything, ever, with the fact that I am a
text-book Only Child, and she is a violent psychopath, and we’re warming up.
Then factor in my being English while she is German, which not only makes
each one of us personally and absolutely responsible for the history, and the
each one of us personally and absolutely responsible for the history, and the
social and cultural mores of our respective countries, but also opens up a whole
field of sub-arguments grounded in grammatical and semantic disputes and,
well, just try saying anything and walking away.

Examples? Okey-dokey. We have argued about:
1

The way one should cut a Kiwi Fruit in half (along its length or across the
middle).
2

Leaving the kitchen door open (three times a day that one, minimum).
3

The best way to hang up washing.
4

Those little toothpaste speckles you make when you brush your teeth in front of
the mirror.
5

I eat two-fingered Kit-Kats like I’d eat any other chocolate bars of that size, i.e.,
without feeling the need to snap them into two individual fingers first. Margret
accused me of doing this, ‘deliberately to annoy her’.
6

Which way – the distances were identical – to drive round a circular bypass (this
resulted in her kicking me in the head from the back seat as I drove along).
7

The amount of time I spend on the computer. (OK, fair enough.)
8

First Born’s name (Jonathan). Then, when that was settled…