Table Of ContentThe World of Obsessive- Compulsive Disorder
The World of Obsessive- Compulsive Disorder
The Experiences of Living with OCD
Dana Fennell
NEW YORK UNIVERSITY PRESS
New York
NEW YORK UNIVERSITY PRESS
New York
www.nyupress.org
© 2022 by New York University
All rights reserved
References to Internet websites (URLs) were accurate at the time of writing. Neither the
author nor New York University Press is responsible for URLs that may have expired or
changed since the manuscript was prepared.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Fennell, Dana, author.
Title: The world of obsessive-compulsive disorder : the experiences of living with OCD /
Dana Fennell.
Description: New York : New York University Press, [2022] | Includes bibliographical
references and index.
Identifiers: lccn 2021013306 | isbn 9781479881406 (hardback) | isbn 9781479872343
(paperback) | isbn 9781479820320 (ebook) | isbn 9781479869909 (ebook other)
Subjects: lcsh : Obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Classification: lcc rc533 .f46 2022 | ddc 616.85/227—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021013306
New York University Press books are printed on acid- free paper, and their binding materials
are chosen for strength and durability. We strive to use environmentally responsible suppli-
ers and materials to the greatest extent possible in publishing our books.
Manufactured in the United States of America
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Also available as an ebook
To all those who have helped me find my way, especially my mom.
Contents
Introduction: More Than a Neat Freak 1
Part I. The Misunderstood
1. What Is OCD? 25
2. But What Is It Really Like? 39
3. Treatments, Old and New 57
Part II. Living with OCD
4. Is It Me or Is There a Problem? 69
5. Stigma and Trivialization 90
6. Coping and Treatment 117
7. The Power of Knowledge 144
8. Life Goes On 163
Conclusion: Where Do We Go from Here? 191
Acknowledgments 209
Notes 211
Bibliography 235
Index 263
About the Author 275
Introduction
More Than a Neat Freak
I check things a lot, think I’ve hit people when driving, seen bodies in
bushes, have contamination fears. . . . My OCD is mostly focused on pre-
venting any harm coming to other people.
— Miles
Aged thirty-n ine and living in the United Kingdom when we chatted,
Miles recounted how obsessive- compulsive disorder (OCD) manifested
in his life. He might be driving and worry that there was a body on the
side of the road. “Common sense tells you it was a carrier bag. But OCD
says it’s a person, and that if I don’t go back that person will die. And it
will have been my fault,” he told me. Miles and others with this type of
OCD can get caught up in a cycle of checking to make sure they did not
hurt someone, without evidence something bad occurred.
Miles came to believe OCD entered his life in his teen years. He felt
that he had a good childhood, and when he first experienced aspects of
OCD, he did not know what was going on: “I thought maybe everyone
thought/acted like I did but that people just didn’t talk about it. I also
thought that maybe I was being punished by God.” Years later, in his
midtwenties, he read the book The Boy Who Couldn’t Stop Washing and
came to perceive himself as having the disorder. “Once I had a label for
it, I felt better,” he said. “It meant I could read/talk about it.”
Miles was diagnosed with OCD and depression. He took medication,
avoided certain situations, and prayed for the strength to deal with his
OCD. His symptoms came in peaks and troughs. He described episodes
of being entangled with the OCD: “It causes great anxiety and has a
physical effect—I get hot, sweat, and I think my pulse must race. It’s
very tiring and you want to get away from it in your head but can’t.” He
1
2 | Introduction
referred to it as something outside of him, “like it was in a box next to
me and would come out at times, beat me up and then get back in the
box. Or like a gray cloud that follows me around and sometimes rains
on me and sometimes doesn’t.”
Miles viewed himself as exhibiting “odd” behavior and having trou-
bling thoughts, explaining that OCD “affects your self- esteem and
makes me feel less of a man.” He avoided careers that might interest him
such as working as a paramedic. Miles’s fear of harming or offending
others manifested in worries that he had written obscenities on com-
pany materials. He left one job because he kept worrying about this and
checking to make sure he had not committed such an act. He tried and
was often successful in covering up or hiding his OCD from others, but
it impacted his life in profound ways. If people noticed him engaged in
OCD- related behaviors, he believed that they tended to think of him as
meticulous in his work. They were not able to see into his inner world.
As a result of having OCD, he felt motivated to help others. He told me,
“I want to help others and feel that I can put my OCD experiences to
good use. I’d like to work in this area if possible.”
Miles felt that many people either did not know about OCD or had
a misperception of the disorder, which made it hard for them to un-
derstand. Before letting me interview him, he ensured that his answers
would be kept confidential. He believed some of what he said could
sound “bad” to others who do not know about the disorder. “I don’t
mind talking about it but worry about the judgment that is made on you
when you have a ‘mental’ condition.’ ” However, he did have supportive
people in his life. At the time we communicated, Miles had a girlfriend
who told me, “I am keen to help him overcome his anxieties.” She ex-
plained that she accepted “it is part of what makes him who he is. I don’t
even begin to understand where the impulses come from, but accept
that if he needs to look in that ditch for an abandoned baby, that’s what
we will do.” Miles exclaimed, “The irony is that my girlfriend sometimes
asks if something I’ve done is because of my OCD and it isn’t!”
Miles represents the way obsessive-c ompulsive disorder takes a myr-
iad of forms that go well beyond the stereotypes of quirky neat freaks
who want to eradicate an extra dust bunny, tackle germs, and appreci-
ate an organized home. Obsessive-c ompulsive disorder and associated
terms and phrases are referenced more publicly today than in the past,
