Table Of ContentTavistock Marital Studies Institute
T HE UNINVITED GUEST
I
Emerging from Narcissism
towards Marriage
JAMES V. FISHER
THE UNINVITED GUEST
THE UNINVITED GUEST
Emerging from Narcissism
towards Marriage
James V. Fisher
Foreword by
Alberto Hahn
London
KARNAC BOOKS
First published in 1999 by
H. Karnac (Books) Ltd,
118 Finchley Road,
London NW3 5HT
© 1999 James V. Fisher and the Tavistock Institute of Medical Psychology
The rights of James V. Fisher to be identified as the author of this work have
been asserted in accordance with §§ 77 and 78 of the Copyright Design and
Patents Act 1988.
Extracts from Complete Poems and Plays of T.S. Eliot reproduced by permission
of Faber & Faber Ltd.
Extracts from Marriage: Studies in Emotional Conflict and Growth, edited by Lily
Pincus, reproduced by permission of the Tavistock Marital Studies Institute,
London.
Cover illustration, Baco, by Enrique Torrijos, reproduced by kind permission of
Enate Vineyard, Sala Bajas, Spain.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a
retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written
permission of the publisher.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A CLP for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 85575 196 5
10987654321
Edited, designed, and produced by Communication Crafts
Printed in Great Britain by Polestar Wheatons Ltd, Exeter
that gracious couple whom I have and have not lost
Esther Chapman Fisher, my mother
and in memory of
George Clinton Fisher, my father
O, alas!
I lost a couple, that 'twixt heaven and earth
Might thus have stood, begetting wonder, as
You, gracious couple, do.
Shakespeare, The Winter's Tale, V.i.130-133
JAMES FISHER takes his title from the mysterious psychiatric figure
of T. S. Eliot's play, The Cocktail Party. He identifies himself with this
theatrical representation of a "marital therapist" in order to conduct
his own review of what he convincingly tells us is Eliot's internal
account of his first marriage, to Vivienne Haigh-Wood. It forms the
centre-piece of his book. He does it from the vantage point of a
distinguished marital psychoanalytic psychotherapist who is as willing
to delve into English literature as he is into the psychoanalytic
literature. The reader of this book will get the benefit of his
considerable knowledge and enthusiasm for both.
He begins with Shakespeare's* The Winter's Tale and ends with
Othello in an account of the vicissitudes of marriage to illuminate his
central thesis, which is that in intimate relationships there is a struggle
and oscillation: "narcissism marriage". In-between, in addition to
the chapters on The Cocktail Party, he reviews published pioneering
marital work in order to throw light on his current practice and his
view of marital disturbance. Both in the literary and clinical contexts,
these are troubled waters, and James Fisher is not one to dangle his
toes in them—he plunges in and invites us to plunge in after him. He
manages to expound his and various analytic writers' ideas on human
relationships in a clear and scholarly way whilst keeping the reader in
touch with the passion, suffering, and horror that is its raw material.
Literature carefully analysed suits this purpose admirably. Whilst
outlining his thesis of the eternal tension between narcissism and
object love in marriage, he reminds us that the ultimate possessive act
is murder, as celebrated in a poem by T. S. Eliot, The Love Song of St
Sebastian.
Ronald Britton
Training and Supervising Analyst,
British Psycho-Analytical Society
THIS IS a fascinating, complex, and imaginative book. James Fisher
brings together a deep thoughtfulness about the insights of psycho
analysis and its application to work with troubled couples with an
original and closely argued reading of some classic plays about
marriage. Shakespeare's The Winter's Tale and Eliot's The Cocktail
Party both concern the reunion of a husband and a lost wife. These
marriages have been damaged, Fisher argues, as a consequence of
narcissistic withdrawal from engagement with the "otherness" of the
other. Marriage is hauntingly described as the "inheritor of the tension
and the intimacy of the Oedipal drama", and it is this fact that makes
the marital relationship such a potent place for therapeutic inter
vention, as well as for exploration in the drama. The history of psycho
analytic work with couples in the Tavistock Marital Studies Institute
and its precursors sets the scene for this tour de force of clinical ,and
theoretical thinking. The book will give pleasure and much food for
thought to readers interested in psychoanalysis and literature. It should
enrich both clinical practice and our experience of theatre.
Margaret Rustin
Consultant Child Psychotherapist,
Dean of Postgraduate Studies, Tavistock & Portman Clinics
* * *
JAMES FISHER is a gifted and imaginative thinker and teacher. His
writing is soundly rooted in a profound love of the clinical work and is
a reflection of his honest and sometimes relentless search after the
truth. His fascination for the darker dynamics of the couple relation
ship—envy, jealousy, betrayal, and abandonment—and the corre
sponding challenge to the "self" of the therapist is a thread through all
his work.
In contemporary society, with its changing pattern of marriage, the
subject is of profound interest and importance. The psychic centrality
of "marriage" is irrefutable; we are endlessly fascinated by it and its
vicissitudes. This book is timely in reflecting the present preoccupa
tion with the question of what it really means to move into marriage,
to encounter the other and the self in the other.
Fisher's use of "the play" and "the story" as vehicles for this ex
ploration captures the imagination in a way that standard textbooks
cannot do and makes reflection and reverie on the subject irresistible.
This is a profound yet accessible book of interest to clinicians and
non-clinicians alike. Marital therapists will find it a welcome addition
to their libraries.
Gillian Walton
Director of Training and Clinical Services,
London Marriage Guidance
* * *
very first paragraph, felt like an invited guest at a wonder
FR OM THE I
fully exciting dinner-party given by Fisher. He invites the reader to
join literary figures—Shakespeare and Eliot—and psychoanalysts—
Freud, Klein, Bion, and Meltzer, to name just a few—in thinking with
him. The book is very creative in style, and I doubt that there is
another volume like it. The use of The Winter's Tale, The Cocktail
Party, and Othello as vehicles towards understanding narcissism,
marriage, and the role of the couples therapist reminds me of Tom
Stoppard's use of a story within a story to make the experience both
intellectually and emotionally meaningful. Like marriage itself, Fisher
brings readers to new places and at the same times reminds them of
old, familiar scenes.
The Uninvited Guest is wonderful to read at many levels. found
I
the book enjoyable and useful from the very first chapter on for work
ing with individuals as well as couples. I particularly like the stretch
ing of the mind to think about psychoanalytic theory, playwrights,
literature, and couples, integrating them as a couple therapist has to
integrate the couples' histories, their stories, and the here-and-now of
what is' going on in a session. I look forward to using it in teaching
couples therapists.
Joyce Lowenstein
Vice Chair,
Psychoanalytic Object Relations Family & Couple
Psychotherapy Training Program,
Washington School of Psychiatry, Washington DC
CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS , XI
FOREWORD by Alberto Hahn xxi
1 The Winter's Tale: marriage and re-marriage 1
2 The false-self couple: seeking truth and being true 35
3 The gathering of the transference 57
4 Duet for one? Two people or a couple? 78
5 Separations and the capacity to mourn 105
6 That which couples bring to therapy 124
7 Couple stories and couple dreams 147
8 The uninvited guest 163
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