The Teen Survival Guide To Dating & Relating: Real-World Advice on Guys, Girls, Growing Up, and Getting Along

258 Pages·2005·2.44 MB·English

by  Annie Fox

THIS BOOK IS FREE!
This book was first published as Can You Relate? in 2000. In 2005 it was re-released as
The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating. It went out of print in 2008. That’s the
way things go sometimes. Instead of letting all this truly great relationship information
vanish forever, I decided to give it away for FREE. No strings attached. So here it is.
Everything you need to know about getting along better with yourself and everyone else.
This book is yours to read wherever you want. Think about what you read. See how
it applies to situations you’ve been in. Remember the stuff that makes the most sense
to you because you never know when you might need it. And if you’ve got friends who
could use help sorting out their feelings, pass it on to them. That’s what friends are for.
Giving things away for free is not usually the way publishing companies like to do
business. That’s why I want to give a big shout out to Free Spirit Publishingfor being so
supportive of this wacky idea. Shows what cool people they are. In return, I invite you
to visit Free Spirit’swebsite (www.FreeSpirit.com). Check out my other books for teens
and tweens which are still for sale: Too Stressed to Think? A Teen Guide to Staying Sane
When Life Makes You CRAZY and the Middle School Confidential™ series. And while
you’re there, check out Free Spirit’s other amazing books. You can also buy my other
books through Amazon.comor at my website books.AnnieFox.com. In fact, you should
visit my site, AnnieFox.com, whether you want to buy books or not. You’ll probably
appreciate the information you find there.
And if you’ve got something going on in your life that you could use some help
sorting out, email me: contact.AnnieFox.com. That’s what I’m here for.
Enjoy this book!
In friendship,
Annie Fox
P.S. All links in this PDF are clickable. No need to copy the URLs into your browser.
The Teen Survival Guide
to Dating & Relating
Real-World Advice on Guys, Girls, Growing Up, and Getting Along
by Annie Fox, M.Ed.*
*also known as Hey Terra!
Edited by Elizabeth Verdick
Copyright ©2005 by Annie Fox, M.Ed.
The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relatingwas originally published in 2000 as Can You Relate?
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions.
This book is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No
Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. You are free to share this book (to copy,
distribute and transmit the work) under the following conditions:
Attribution—You must attribute the work in the manner specified by the author or licensor
(but not in any way that suggests that they endorse you or your use of the work).
Noncommercial—You may not use this work for commercial purposes.
No Derivative Works—You may not alter, transform, or build upon this work.
Free Spirit, Free Spirit Publishing, and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks
of Free Spirit Publishing Inc. A complete listing of our logos and trademarks is available at
www.freespirit.com.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Fox, Annie, 1950–
The teen survival guide to dating and relating : real-world advice on guys, girls, growing up, and
getting along / by Annie Fox.
p. cm.
“Originally published in 2000 under the title Can you relate?”—T.p.
verso.
ISBN 1-57542-190-9
1. Teenagers—United States. 2. Adolescent psychology. 3. Interpersonal
relations in adolescence. 4. Dating (Social customs) I. Title.
HQ796.F745 2005
305.235—dc22
200500765
At the time of this book’s publication, all facts and figures cited are the most current available; all
telephone numbers, addresses, and Web site URLs are accurate and active; all publications, organi-
zations, Web sites, and other resources exist as described in this book; and all have been verified as
of February 2005. The author and Free Spirit Publishing make no warranty or guarantee concerning
the information and materials given out by organizations or content found at Web sites, and we are
not responsible for any changes that occur after this book’s publication. If you find an error or
believe that a resource listed here is not as described, please contact Free Spirit Publishing. Parents,
teachers, and other adults: We strongly urge you to monitor children’s use of the Internet.
Free Spirit Publishing Inc. Cover design by Marieka Heinlen
217 Fifth Avenue North, Suite 200 Interior design by Percolator
Minneapolis, MN 55401-1299 Index compiled by Randl Ockey
[phone]
PDF-1.0 September 27, 2009
[email protected]
www.freespirit.com
To David—my love, my partner, my best friend, my rock—
always in all ways. Thank you for our unlimited relationship
of thirty years. It nurtures me in everything I do.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Many good-hearted people spent days reviewing early drafts of The Teen Survival Guide
to Dating and Relating and sharing their ideas and suggestions with me. Their insights
helped shape a manuscript into what I hope is a useful, compassionate book filled with
highly accessible information. For that I thank Cheryl Amon, Kasey Arnold-Ince, David
Fox, Deborah Roberts, Geoffrey Wild, and Jenna Woodul. Likewise, I’m indebted to my
dear friend Peg Shalen, MFCC, whose compassionate and insightful work with teens has
made her an invaluableresource to our community.
I’d also like to thank Talk City, original host of The InSite, for giving Terra her first
online home. Without the support of Peter Friedman and company, Terra would have
remained just another idea inside my head. Of course, this book wouldn’t exist without
the thousands of teens online around the world who reached out to Terra and trusted
her to help them sort out their confusion, worries, fears, and dreams. Nothing pleases
me more than knowing I’ve helped them.
Thank you to my editor at Free Spirit Publishing, Elizabeth Verdick. Her knowing
hand guided the structure of what could have been a very unwieldy project. I wish also
to acknowledge my agent, Harvey Harrison, a man who knows how to recognize,
encourage, and promote ideas that can change the world. I’m honored to have him rep-
resent me.
Finally, I’d like to proclaim my love and admiration for my daughter, Fayette, and
my son, Ezra. It has always been a delight and a great source of pride for me to be their
mother. There’s no doubt in my mind that they’ve taught me more about being a teen
than I ever learned from being one myself.
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION 1
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Chapter 1: Me, Myself, and I
5
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
WHAT’S UP WITH PEER PRESSURE? 6
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Kids bug me because I’m different...7 If I stand up for someone, other people might not
like me anymore...8 Why should people care if the girl I like is only a sophomore?...9
RIDING EMOTIONAL WAVES 10
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Anger 10
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I get mad about everything...13
Embarrassment 15
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I always make a fool of myself...16
Insecurity 17
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I don’t think I’m good enough...18
Loneliness 19
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
On weekends, it’s like I live on a deserted island...20
Sadness 21
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
My grandma died, and I feel lost without her...23
HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR LOOKS 24
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I want to look like the models in the fashion magazines...26 My breasts are too big!...28
Would a popular girl ever like a chunky guy?...29
MAKING DECISIONS 30
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Isn’t it MY decision?...32 How far should I go for a friend?...33
Chapter 2: What Are Boyfriend /Girlfriend
Relationships All About?
35
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LOOKING FOR LOVE 36
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Is my true love someone exactly like me?...37 I wish I had a girlfriend!...38 I need a boy-
friend!...38 I’ve looked everywhere for a boyfriend...40 I always like guys I can’t get...40
LOVE VS. LUST 41
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
He says he loves me and wants to have sex...43 I feel guilty about what I did...44
How can we spend less time having sex?...45 Is he up to something?...46
GETTING NOTICED 47
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
How can you tell if someone likes you?...48 I’m too shy to talk to her!...49 My dream
guy already has a girlfriend!...50
ASKING SOMEONE OUT 51
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I don’t have the guts to ask a girl out...53 What if she laughs at me?...53 How can
I find out if she likes me?...54 He only likes me as a friend...55 What do girls
REALLYwant?...56
WHAT MAKES A “GOOD” BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND? 57
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I’m having trouble finding my type...61 Am I too picky?...61 What makes a great
girlfriend, anyway?...62 Where can I find a boyfriend who will stay?...63 How come
some girls like guys who treat them badly?...64
Chapter 3: Making Boyfriend /Girlfriend
Relationships Work
65
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
BUILDING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS 65
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Honesty 66
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I lied to my girlfriend, and I’m afraid she’ll find out...68 My boyfriend doesn’t know
that I’m part black...69
Cheating (dishonesty) 69
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Why do I keep cheating on my girlfriend?...71 Is he cheating or not?...72
I cheated on my jealous boyfriend...73
Respect 74
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
My boyfriend calls me names...75 My girlfriend is always late...76
Trust 77
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I don’t know if I trust my girlfriend...78
Jealousy (lack of trust) 78
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
My boyfriend gets mad if I talk to other guys...80 My boyfriend has two girlfriends!...81
Communication 81
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I wish my girlfriend talked to me more...83 How come boys don’t talk about
their feelings?...83
REDEFINING RELATIONSHIPS 84
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
From nearby to long distance 85
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My girlfriend lives in another part of the state...86 How can our relationship last when
my boyfriend is away?...87
Friends or something more? 88
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
She only thinks of me as her best friend...88 I went out with my best friend, but it didn’t
work out...89 Should I tell her how I feel?...90 Will he ever kiss me?...91
Chapter 4: Sex, Unhealthy Romantic
Relationships, and Good-byes
93
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
GETTING CLOSER PHYSICALLY 94
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SEX AND PHYSICAL RISKS 95
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Pregnancy 96
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Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) 96
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Did we have sex?...97 What is this rash?...98 My girlfriend is pregnant!...99
SEX AND EMOTIONAL RISKS 101
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How do you know when you’re ready for sex?...102 My girlfriend and I ended up having
sex, but I didn’t want to...103 I don’t want to have sex, but I don’t want to lose him!...104
UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS 106
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
My boyfriend is totally mean to me...109 I’m afraid to ask my girlfriend what’s going on with
her...110 My boyfriend questions my every move...111 He loves me, but he hits me...112
SAYING GOOD-BYE 113
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I don’t like her as much as I used to...116 What’s going on with my boyfriend?...117
I’m not happy with my girlfriend, but I don’t want to be alone...118 My boyfriend thinks
I’d be perfect if I’d only change a few things...119 My girlfriend told people we broke up,
but we didn’t!...120 Can I break up with my boyfriend without hurting him?...121
GETTING OVER A BROKEN HEART 122
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
My boyfriend says he doesn’t know why he dumped me...124 I’m having a hard time
getting over my girlfriend...125 I miss my ex, and I want her back!...126 My girlfriend
dumped me...127 I’m not over him yet...127 How can I get him to love me again?...128
Chapter 5: Friends, Peers, and Enemies
131
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
REAL FRIENDS VS. THE OTHER KIND 132
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I’ve lost respect for my “druggie” friends...133 I used to like this girl, but now I don’t
want her as a friend...134 My two best friends are worst enemies...135 My friend is
having sex with her boyfriend!...136
Communicating 137
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
My friend won’t talk to me about our fight!...138 My friend has no idea what’s going
on with me...139 I told my friend that I’m a lesbian...140
MAKING AND KEEPING AGREEMENTS 141
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
She didn’t get me a birthday present...142 He promised not to tell...143 We made
a pact not to mess around with each other’s boyfriends...144
Support 145
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
She says she’ll call back, but she never does!...147 I want to stand up for my friend...148
People are spreading rumors about my friend...149
Trust 150
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Isn’t it wrong to date your best friend’s ex?...151 I said something awful behind my
friend’s back...152 My best friend stole my girlfriend!...153 What if your girlfriend’s
best friend comes on to you?...154
PEER GROUPS 155
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
My friend is pressuring me to be cooler...156 My friends are into things that I know
are wrong...157 I’m not ready for all this boy stuff...158 They want to keep picking
on this girl, but I don’t...159
ENEMIES 160
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
How can I get this guy to leave me alone?...161 Why did my friends turn against me?...163
GROWING APART 164
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My best friend isn’t interested in me anymore...165 My old best friend is acting like she
doesn’t like me anymore...166
Chapter 6: Getting Along with Parents
167
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INDEPENDENCE 169
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Why can’t I pick out my own clothes?...170 My parents still treat me like I’m seven,
even though I’m seventeen!...171 My mom criticizes everything that I do!...172