The State of Affairs: Explorations in infidelity and Commitment

280 Pages·2004·14.3 MB·English

by  Jean Duncombe

The State of Affairs
Explorations in Infidelity
and Commitment
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LEA'S SERIES ON PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Steve Duck, Series Editor
BENNETT Time and Intimacy: A New Science
of Personal Relationships
CANARY/DAINTON Maintaining Relationships Through
Communication: Relational, Contextual,
and Cultural Variations
CHRISTOPHER To Dance the Dance: A Symbolic Interaction
Exploration of Premarital Sexuality
DUNCOMBE/HARRISON/ The State of Affairs: Explorations
ALLAN/MARSDEN in Infidelity and Commitment
GOODWIN/CRAMER Inappropriate Relationships: The
Unconventional, the Disapproved,
and the Forbidden
HONEYCUTT/CANTRILL Cognition, Communication, and
Romantic Relationships
MILLER/ALBERTS/HECHT/ Adolescent Relationships and Drug Use
TROST/KRIZEK
MONSOUR Women and Men as Friends: Relationships
Across the Life Span in the 21st Century
ROGERS/ESCUDERO Relational Communication: An
Interactional Perspective to the Study
of Process and Form
For more information, contact us at www.erlbaum.com
The State of Affairs
Explorations in Infidelity
and Commitment
Edited by
JEAN DUNCOMBE
University College Chichester, England
KAEREN HARRISON
University College Chichester, England
GRAHAM ALLAN
Keele University, England
DENNIS MARSDEN
University College Chichester, England
LAWRENCE ERLBAUM ASSOCIATES, PUBLISHERS
2004 Mahwah, New Jersey London
Copyright © 2004 by Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form,
by photostat, microform, retrieval system, or any other means,
without prior written permission of the publisher.
Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc., Publishers
10 Industrial Avenue
Mahwah, New Jersey 07430
Cover design by Kathryn Houghtaling Lacey
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
The state of affairs : explorations in infidelity and commitment /
edited by Jean Duncombe ... [et al.].
p. cm. — (LEA's series on personal relationships)
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 0-8058-4457-0 (alk. paper) — ISBN 0-8058-4458-9 (pbk.: alk. paper)
1. Adultery. 2. Commitment (Psychology). 3. Marriage. 4. Couples.
I. Duncombe, Jean, 1950- II. Series.
HQ806.S82 2004
306.73'6—dc22 2003057396
Books published by Lawrence Erlbaum Associates are printed on acid-free paper,
and their bindings are chosen for strength and durability.
Printed in the United States of America
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 21
Contents
Series Foreword vii
Steve Duck, Series Editor
Preface xi
Kaeren Harrison and Dennis Marsden
About the Contributors xxiii
1 Sex, Lies, and ... Transformation 1
Lise VanderVoort and Steve Duck
2 The Sociological Significance of Affairs 15
David H. ]. Morgan
3 Intimacy, Negotiated Nonmonogamy, and the Limits 35
of the Couple
Lynn Jamieson
4 Communication and Marital Infidelity 59
Anita L. Vangelisti and Mandi Gerstenberger
5 Renaissance of Romanticism in the Era of Increasing 79
Individualism
Osmo Kontula and Elina Haavio-Mannila
6 Men, Women, and Infidelity: Sex Differences in Extradyadic 103
Sex and Jealousy
Bram P. Buunk and Pieternel Dijkstra
7 Being Unfaithful: His and Her Affairs 121
Graham Allan
8 "From Here to Epiphany...": Power and Identity 141
in the Narrative of an Affair
Jean Duncombe and Dennis Marsden
VI CONTENTS
9 A Different Affair? Openness and Nonmonogamy 167
in Same Sex Relationships
Brian Heaphy, Catherine Donovan, and Jeffrey Weeks
10 Affairs and Children 187
Jean Duncombe and Dennis Marsden
11 The Role of Female Friends in the Management of Affairs 203
Kaeren Harrison
References 223
Author Index 241
Subject Index 249
Series Foreword
STEVE DUCK, Series Editor
University of Iowa
Since its inception, the Personal Relationships series from Lawrence Erl-
baum Associates has sought to review the progress in the academic work on
relationships with respect to a broad array of issues and to do so in an
accessible manner that also illustrates its practical value. The LEA series
already includes books intended to pass on the accumulated scholarship to
the next generation of students and to those who deal with relationship
issues in the broader world beyond the academy. The series, thus, com-
prises not only monographs and other academic resources exemplifying
the multi-disciplinary nature of this area, but also books suitable for use
in the growing numbers of courses on relationships and in the growing
number of professions that deal with relationship issues.
The series has the goal of providing a comprehensive and current survey
of theory and research in personal relationships through the careful analy-
sis of the problems encountered and solved in research, yet it also con-
siders the systematic application of that work in a practical context. These
resources not only are intended to be comprehensive assessments of prog-
ress on particular "hot" and relevant topics, but also have already shown
that they are significant influences on the future directions and develop-
ment of the study of personal relationships and application of its insights.
Although each volume is focused, authors place their respective topics
in the broader context of other research on relationships and within a
range of wider disciplinary traditions. The series already offers incisive and
forward-looking reviews and also demonstrates the broader theoretical
implications of relationships for the range of disciplines from which the
research originates. Collectively, the volumes include original studies,
Vll
Vlll SERIES FOREWORD
reviews of relevant theory and research, and new theories oriented toward
the understanding of personal relationships both in themselves and within
the context of broader theories of family process, social psychology, and
communication.
Reflecting the diverse composition of personal relationship study, read-
ers in numerous disciplines—social psychology, communication, soci-
ology, family studies, developmental psychology, clinical psychology, per-
sonality, counseling, women's studies, gerontology, and others—will find
valuable and insightful perspectives in the series.
Apart from the academic scholars who research the dynamics and pro-
cesses of relationships, there are many other people whose work involves
them in the operation of relationships in the real world. For such people as
nurses, police, teachers, therapists, lawyers, drug and alcohol counselors,
marital counselors, the priesthood, and those who take care of the elderly,
a number of issues routinely arise concerning the ways in which relation-
ships affect the people whom they serve and guide. Examples of these are:
• The role of loneliness in illness and the ways to circumvent it
• The complex impact of family and peer relationships upon a drug-
dependent's attempts to give up the drug
• The role of playground unpopularity on a child's learning
• The issues involved in dealing with the relational side of chronic
illness
• The management of conflict in marriage
• The establishment of good rapport between physicians and seriously
ill patients
• The support of the bereaved
• The correction of violent styles of behavior in dating or marriage,
and
• The relationships formed between jurors in extended trials as these
may influence a jury's decisions.
Each of these is a problem that may confront some of these professionals
as part of their daily concerns and each demonstrates the far-reaching
influences of relationship processes in one's life that is presently theorized
independently of relationship considerations.
This volume deals with many aspects of affairs, and also extends the rel-
evance of the series to ordinary folks and their relationships in everyday
settings. As is indicated in the introduction by Harrison and Marsden,
there is a disparity between the predominance of affairs on the one hand
SERIES FOREWORD IX
and the extent to which they have been studied academically on the
other—whether within heterosexual marriages or other forms of exclusive
partnerships. Affairs are clearly important life events for those who have
them and yet their significance has led to very little attention in research
and even less understanding in homosexual or heterosexual relationships.
This volume begins to address that as shown in the book's title.
Although there is currently little direct research on affairs, this book
collects a wide range of different ideas and approaches from a variety of
different source disciplines and countries. Chapters range from the theo-
retical/literary review to the empirical and cover the broad nature of affairs
(and their consequences on narratives of identity, aspirational myths
of self-fulfillment, and Utopian symbolism) as well as the practical and
socially direct consequences of affairs on children, and the complex balance
of obligations and stresses experienced by network members who learn of
affairs. Here, then, is a complex set of issues that pertains to a huge set of
interpersonal, social, and cultural realities that can be enlightened by—
and are of interest to—many different academic disciplines and theoretical
frameworks. However, the book presents a larger canvas than the dis-
quisitions of academics and demonstrates the fundamental issues of prac-
tical management that face persons who engage in affairs. Such persons
encounter personal and social moral dilemmas head on, and for them the
consequences of renegotiating self-image are real rather than theoretical.
For all of these reasons, this book is a landmark in both theoretical inter-
est and practical relevance. It encapsulates and exemplifies the series' intent
to address both sides of the issue and to demonstrate the ways in which
research on relationships is not only inherently interesting but also has rel-
evance to the lives of people living outside of academic institutions.