The Positive Parent: Raising Healthy, Happy, and Successful Children, Birth–Adolescence

265 Pages·2008·0.97 MB·English

by  Kerby T. Alvy

ADVANCE PRAISEFOR
The Positive Parent: Raising Healthy, Happy,
and Successful Children, Birth–Adolescence
“A vital, comprehensive parenting manual to guide and support parents
through the complexities of 21st century parenting. The Positive Parent is
an invaluable, urgently needed resource.”
—Katharine Bensinger, Parenting Education Program
Director, Community Counseling Centers of Chicago
“The age-old complaint is that children don’t come with instruction manu-
als. Now they do. The Positive Parentprovides a comprehensive navigation
aid for anyone concerned about raising well-rounded kids. Don’t guess.
Don’t lose sleep. Dr. Alvy provides the tools needed to identify and solve
those vexing issues faced by parents everywhere.”
—Paul Petersen, Child Advocate,
President and Founder of A Minor Consideration
“Dr. Alvy draws on his rich professional and personal experience in this
engaging text for parenthood. He offers depth for professionals with
practical advice and techniques for parents. Parent educators will
welcome this book.”
—Jack C. Westman, M.D., President, Wisconsin Cares, Inc., and
Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, University of Wisconsin Medical School
“A wonderful resource for all parents. Dr. Alvy’s respect for parents and
children is evident in every chapter, and his tips are helpful and easy to
read. He does a terrifi c job of taking complicated research and presenting
it in every-day language. What a comprehensive, easy-to-follow book!”
—Jody Kussin, Academic Chair,
Clinical Psychology Doctoral Program, Phillips Graduate Institute,
author of Catch Them Being Good: A Guide to Positive Parenting
“Dr. Alvy does it again. With The Positive Parent, Kerby raises our aware-
ness of parenting in the new century and challenges us to invest in our
country’s future while focusing on the most important job we will ever
have: parenting all of our children. Thank you Dr. Alvy.”
—Anne S. Robertson, National Parenting Education Network (NPEN)
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“The Positive Parent is an outstanding resource for raising healthy, happy,
and successful children in 21st century America. It is practical because it
offers solutions to common parenting challenges and special parenting is-
sues. It is informational because it offers lists of educational resources and
programs parents can trust. It is also inspirationalbecause the author has
taken the initiative to spearhead a national campaign to motivate parents
and family professionals to make a commitment to effective parenting . . .
and invites each reader to join him in this important cause.
—Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE, parent educator, nationally
recognized parenting expert, and author of the award-winning book,
The Parent’s Toolshop: The Universal Blueprint for Building a Healthy Family.
“A comprehensive, readable, wise, and informed book. A guide for par-
enting in the 21st century.”
—Duane Champagne, Native Nations Law and Policy Center,
University of California, Los Angeles
“Kerby Alvy shares his encyclopedic knowledge of parent education in
an easy-reading resource. Guaranteed you’ll learn ‘stuff’ that helps your
work with parents—a recommended desktop reference.”
—Don Dinkmeyer, Jr., Professor of Counseling and
Student Affairs, Western Kentucky University,
Co-author, Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) Programs
“Parenting has become increasingly diffi cult in a world where commercial
media competes with parents to shape a child’s values and behaviors.
Alvy’s book provides many practical parenting tips and ideas to help
make parents more confi dant and effective in shaping their children’s
growth and development.”
—Karol L. Kumpfer, Professor,
Department of Health Promotion and Education, University of Utah
“InThe Positive Parent, Dr.Alvy has given the context, the circumstances,
and the course that leads to raising healthy, happy, and successful children.
With meticulous care, insight, and skill, the ingredients that are necessary
for rearing children are delineated in all of their variety. Most important,
the numerous parenting effectiveness programs that Dr. Alvy presents are
practical models to equip parents of all backgrounds to be successful at
what is considered to be the toughest job you will ever love.”
—William S. Epps, Editor of the National Baptist Voice Magazine
and Pastor of the Second Baptist Church of Los Angeles
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The Positive Parent
Raising Healthy, Happy,
and Successful Children,
B –A
IRTH DOLESCENCE
K T. A , P .D.
ERBY LVY H
TEACHERS COLLEGE CENTERFORTHE
COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY IMPROVEMENTOF CHILD CARING
NEW YORK AND LONDON STUDIO CITY, CA
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Published simultaneously by Teachers College Press, 1234 Amsterdam Avenue,
New York, NY 10027, and by the Center for the Improvement of Child Caring,
11331 Ventura Blvd., Suite 103, Studio City, CA 91604-3147
Copyright © 2008 by Kerby T. Alvy
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted
in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy,
or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission from the
publisher.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Alvy, Kerby T.
The positive parent : raising healthy, happy, and successful children : birth–
adolescence / Kerby T. Alvy.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN-13: 978-0-8077-4808-4 (pbk. : alk. paper)
1. Child rearing. 2. Parenting. 3. Parent and child. I. Title.
HQ769.A49 2008
649’.1—dc22 2007028591
ISBN 978-0-8077-4808-4 (paper)
Printed on acid-free paper
Manufactured in the United States of America
15 14 13 12 11 10 09 08 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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To the three women I adore:
my wife Mary and our daughters, Lisa and Brittany.
They bring me great pleasure and their interactions are
joyous to behold.
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Contents
Acknowledgments xi
1. Introduction 1
2. Parenting in the 21st Century 5
Relational Contexts for Raising Children 5
Economics 7
Parenting-on-the-Run 10
Childhood Obesity and Other Eating Disorders 11
Cultural Diversity 13
The Media and Technology 15
Autistic and Other Special Needs Children 19
Tobacco, A lcohol, and Other Drugs 20
HIV/AIDS and Other STDs 24
Gangs and Violence 25
Child Maltreatment 26
3. The Job of Parenting 30
Motivations for Parenting 30
Parental Functions and Responsibilities 31
Good Parenting 37
Parental Infl uence Processes 43
Bad Parenting 47
vii
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viii Contents
4. Parenting Guidelines 52
1. GIVE CHILDREN WARMTH,ACCEPTANCE,AND RESPECT 54
2. ENJOY YOUR CHILDREN’S DEVELOPMENTAND
BE ALERTTO SPECIAL NEEDS 60
3. USE FAIRAND FIRM LEADERSHIP 63
4. AVOID CORPORAL PUNISHMENTANDVERBAL AGGRESSION 72
5. START EARLYIN PREPARING CHILDRENFOR SCHOOL 77
6. CREATEA HOME ENVIRONMENTTHAT SUPPORTS EDUCATION 80
7. BEANACTIVE PARTNERWITHYOUR CHILDREN’S SCHOOL 87
8. MANAGEYOUR CHILD’S OBESITYAND EATING-RELATED
PROBLEMS 90
9. TEACHYOUR CHILDREN ABOUTTHEIR OWNAND OTHER
CULTURES 94
10. TEACH CHILDREN ABOUT SUBSTANCE ABUSE 96
11. TEACH CHILDREN ABOUT SEXUALITY 100
12. TEACH CHILDRENTO BE FINANCIALLY SUCCESSFULAND
GIVING 109
13. MANAGEYOUR CHILDREN’S MEDIAAND TECHNOLOGY
EXPOSURE 114
14. MAINTAINA HEALTHY LIFESTYLE 119
15. NURTURETHE RELATIONSHIPINWHICH
YOU ARE RAISINGYOUR CHILDREN 120
16. SETA GOOD EXAMPLEOF LIFE-LONG LEARNING 124
5. Parenting Children with Special Needs 127
What Is a Special Need? 128
Professional Defi nitions 134
Types of Childhood Disabilities and Other Special
Needs 140
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Contents ix
Autistic Spectrum Disorders (ASDs) 141
Attention-Defi cit/Hyperactivity Disorders (AD/HD) 143
Learning Disabilities 145
Importance of Early Identifi cation and Early Intervention 147
Managing a Child with Special Needs 155
6. Skill-Building Programs and Services 159
Parenting and Family Skill-Building Programs 159
Individualized Parenting Education and Support 166
7. Program Descriptions 170
Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) 170
CICC’s Trio of Parenting Programs 175
Confi dent Parenting: Survival Skill Training 175
Effective Black Parenting 178
Los Niños Bien Educados 184
Positive Indian Parenting 186
Siblings Without Rivalry: A Topic-Centered Program 188
TheNurturing Programs 190
Steps to Independence 193
Stop and Think Social Skills Training Program 194
Parents on Board 196
Active Parenting 198
Children in the Middle 198
Families and Schools Together (FAST) 199
Guiding Good Choices 199
Parenting Wisely 199
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