The Path to No-Self: Life at the Center

199 Pages·1991·0.931 MB·English

by  Bernadette Roberts

THEPATHTONO-SELF
OtherbooksbyBernadetteRoberts
TheExperienceofNo-Self
WhatisSelfi-
BERNADETTEROBERTS
StateUniversityofNewYorkPress
Publishedby
StateUniversityofNewYorkPress, Albany
©1991StateUniversityofNewYork
Allrightsreserved
PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica
Nopartofthisbookmaybeusedorreproduced
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exceptin thecaseofbriefquotationsembodiedin
criticalarticlesand reviews.
Forinformation,addressStateUniversityofNewYork
Press,StateUniversityPlaza, Albany,N.Y.12246
ProductionbyMarilyn P.Semerad
MarketingbyTheresaA. Swierzowski
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Roberts,Bernadette,1931-
Thepathtono-self:lifeatthecenter /BernadetteRoberts,
p.cm.
Originallypublished:Boston:Shambhala, 1985.Withnew introd.
ISBN0-7914-1141-9.—ISBN0-7914-1142-7(pbk)
1.Mysticalunion.2.Contemplation.I.Roberts, Bernadette,
1931-.H.Title.
BT767.7.R631991
248.2'2—dc20
10987654321
91-30833
CIP
TotheCistercian monksofSt.Benedict’sMonastery
highintheColorado Rockies.
CONTENTS
Prefaceix
Introduction3
PhasesoftheUnitiveLife9
DichotomyofExperience15
PhaseI25
PrefacetoPhase II49
PhaseII51
PhaseHI 77
Between PhasesIIIandIV113
PhaseIV119
PhaseV153
PhaseVI165
Conclusion199
Thisbookisapersonalaccountofaparticular stagein
theChristiancontemplativejourney,astageIcall"the
pathtono-self."Afterthebookwasfirstpublished,
however,certain misunderstandingsaroseregarding the
termsegoandselfandexactlywhatImean by"no-ego"
and"no-self."Since thisprefaceisbeingwrittenin
anticipationofasecond edition, Iwouldliketotakethis
opportunitytoclarifythesetermsand, atthesame time,
giveabriefoverviewofthecompletedjourney.
Ourspiritualjourneybeginsinearnestwhenwefol¬
lowuponagratuitousgrace—arevelationorpieceof
enlightenment—thatvirtuallyturnsourlifearound. To
seekthisgracemoreabundantlyandtomakeourselves
worthyofit,ourenergiesbecomefocusedonareforma¬
tionoflife,aco mmitmenttospiritualpractice,atotal
dedicationtopursuinganintimatelifewithGod.
Althoughthisreformationissomething wemustdo, our
besteffortswillonlygetusso farin thismatter.The
IX
THEPATHTONO-SELF
changeswecanbringaboutbyourowneffortsarerela¬
tivelyimpermanentandsuperficial,aboveall,theyare
stillreversible. Itiswhereourowneffortscometoan
end—when wehavedoneallwecoulddo—thatGod
takestheinitiativeandthetruetransformationprocess
begins. BecauseonlyGod'stransforminggracecan effect
aprofound, irreversiblechangein ourdeepest experience
ofbeing, wecansaythatwherereformation ends,
authentictransformationbegins.
Sinceagreatdeal hasbeen writtenonthebeginning
orreformativestagesofthespiritualjourney, the
accountgiven inthisbookbeginswiththetransforming
process.IntheChristian mystical traditiontheonsetof
thisprocessisknownasthe"PassiveNightoftheSpir¬
it."Althoughthisphrase wascoinedbyJohnofthe
Crossforaparticular setofexperiences, theseexperi¬
enceswerealreadywellknowntohiscontemplative
peers. 1Inmodern psychologicalterms, entranceintothe
PassiveNightoftheSpirit isthefallingawayoftheorig¬
inalself-center, orego,andtheconsequentencounter
withagreatemptinessorvoidin ourselves. Whereprevi-
1.JohnoftheCrossspeaksofanumberofDarkNights.Hisprimary
divisionisbetweenanactiveandpassiveNightoftheSenses, andan
activeandpassiveNightoftheSpirit. By"active"hemeanswhatwe
cando,by"passive"hemeanswhatonlyGodcando.1.ActiveNight
oftheSenses:detaching ourselvesfromimperfectionsandworldly
distractionsinorder toattachourselvestoGodinstead.2.Passive
NightoftheSenses:periodicallyGodseemstowithdrawhispres¬
enceandthuswefeelspirituallyempty,dry, orarid. Thisisactually
theonsetofinfusedcontemplation orGod'spresenceonamorepro¬
foundlevel—whichwehaveyettoappreciate.3.ActiveNightofthe
Spirit:detaching ourselvesfromspiritual goodiesandtheefforttobe
morepassivetoGod'spresence;therecognition thatGod'sabiding
presenceisbeloworbeyondallthoughtandfeeling.4. PassiveNight
oftheSpirit:apermanentandirreversible6trokeofGodwhichisthe
fallingawayoftheself-center orego,theencounterwithaterrible
voidin ourselves—ablackhole,darknessandnothingness. Where
experiencesofthesecondandthirdNightoverlap,andfirstand
fourthareclearlymarked.
x
PREFACE
ouslywehad encounteredGod, nowthereisonlydark¬
nessandnothingness. Althoughthisinitial eventis
experiencedasanabsenceofGod,weknowthatGod
cannotbeabsent.ThusJohn oftheCrossaffirmsthat
thisdarkness isduetoasuperabundanceoflight—like
beingstruckblindwhen lookingdirectlyatthesun.
Whatmakesthisdirectlookpossible, however,isthe
fallingawayorabsenceoftheself-center (ego)whichhad
veiledor obstructedthedeeperrecessesofbeing.
Unknowntoourselves,prior tothispointinourjourney
theegohadbeen theveilthroughwhichwehadseen or
encounteredGod.Theego,overlyingthedivinecenter,
hadbeen thatin uswhichexperiencedthedivine.When
theegofellaway,ittookitsexperienceofGodwithit.
Althoughthisexperienceisaccompaniedbyasenseof
beinglosttoourselves,thislossofselfisoverwhelmed
byourgreatersenseofhaving lostGod.WithoutGodwe
havenosense ofadeeper selfand, thus,withoutadeeper
self(theego inthiscase)wehavenosense ofGod.
Itisimportanttopointoutthatuntiltheegofalls
away, thedeepestandtruestselfweknowistheego-self.
Itisonlyin retrospectthatthetruenatureoftheegocan
beidentifiedorknownbyitsabsence. 1Asouroriginal
self-center,theegoisneither false,bad, nornecessarily
selfish.Indeed, itwasthisegothatexperiencedGodand
2.CarlJungoncepointedoutthatmanypeoplemistaketheemer¬
genceoftheegofortheemergenceofthenuminousortrueself.I sus¬
pect,however,thisisthewayitgoesforeverybody.Theego-selfcan
onlybeknowninretrospect,butneveratthetimewearelivingit—
orareit.When livingit,theegoisthedeepest,truestselfweknow;it
isnotoursuperficialorfalseself.Thisiswhywegothrougha
tremendousdark nightwhentheegofallsaway,- thefallingawayof
anything lesswouldnotresultin aradical upheaval,change, orread¬
justmentofthewholepsyche. Afalseself,ontheotherhand,never
fallsaway, itisonlyseen throughforwhatitis. Thereisanenor¬
mousdifference, then,between theegoandafalseself.Failureto
makethesedistinctionsclear hasledtomanyfalsenotionsregarding
theauthenticcontemplativejourney.
xi
THEPATHTONO-SELF
putallitsenergiesintothepursuitofGodandaholy
life.Theego isonlyfalsewhen itrefusesGodandclings
solelytoitself.Inmyownjourney, whatIwouldlater
knowasthe"ego,"Ihadoriginallycalledmy"realself,"
sometimesmy"trueself"(asopposedtoasuperficial
self)becausethiswasthedeepest selfIknewpriortoits
fallingaway. Notforasecond diditoccurtomethatthis
"deepestself"couldfallaway.In thePassiveNightof
theSpirit,however,thisego-centerfallsawayand, with
it—becauseofitsattachment toGod^-goesthewhole
experienceofGod;thus,weseem tobewithoutGod.
Ourfirstconcern istofindGod,forweknowthatonly
inGodwillweeverfindourtrueself.ThePassiveNight
oftheSpirit, thefallingawayoftheego-center, isthe
direexperienceofemptinessandvoidin ourselves,an
absenceofGodandourdeepestselfthatleavesusin
utterdarknessfeelingasifthecenter ofourbeing has
suddenlyfallenout.
Asthewholepsycheorpersonbegins toadjustto
thisstateofnothingness, theinterioreyegraduallyaccli¬
matestothedarkness,and inthedepthsofthisdarkness
God'sfaceeventuallyappears.InChristian termsthis
wholeprocessisknownas"transformingunion."Thus,
entranceintothePassiveNightoftheSpiritisthebegin¬
ningoftheunitivestateorunitivewayoflife.Themajor
changeaffectedinthisNightisthatourinitial, deepest
senseofbeing isreplacedbytheindescribablesenseof
God'sbeing, sothatGodandselfareindistinguishablein
oursingularsense ofbeing. Wemightdescribethis
changeasamovementfromanI-thouconsciousness to
asimpleandsingularWeconsciousness. Theendofthis
transformingprocesswillbemarkedbyadefinitive, uni¬
tiverevelation:awhollydivinecenter wherein ourdeep¬
estselfishidden in onenesswithGod.
Withthisrevelationtheinwardmovement ofour
journeyisfinished,completed. Wecannot godeeper
thanthedeepest—thedivinecenter. Having cometo
xii
PREFACE
thisdivineend, withnothingmoretobedesired, it
appearswehavegoneasfarinthislifeasishumanly
possible.Looking around,weseenopathanymore;
ahead,thereonlyappearstobeapermanentdissolution
ineternal bliss,acondition,however, thatseemsincom¬
patiblewithcontinuedearthlyexistence.Ofourown
accordwecannottakethispermanentstep, thechoiceis
notourstomake.Whatisleft,instead, istheexerciseof
thisnew unitivestatein theordinaryaffairsoflife.
Thus,thejourneynowturns(orreturns)tothemarket¬
place. Whereinitiallythemovementofthejourneyhad
been inward,thejourneynowturnsaroundandbecomes
anoutwardmovement.Unknowntousat thetime,this
outwardmovement—themarketplace—isanimperative
stageofthetotaljourney.Lying beyondtheunitivereve¬
lation,themarketplaceistheunknownpaththatleads
toyet agreater end—thefallingawayofthedivinecen¬
terwherein selfishidden in itsonenesswithGod.The
pathfromthebeginning ofthejourneytotheunitive
stateisthepathtono-ego,apathwellknownandarticu¬
latedin contemplativeliterature.Fromtheunitivestate
outwardtotheendofthemarketplacestage,however,is
theunknownpathtono-self,astagenotoftenrecog¬
nizedin contemplativeliteratureasnecessaryandvital
forthecompletionofthejourney.
Thelongerweliveintheunitivestatethemore
ordinaryitbecomes.Aftermanyyearswelookback and
seethatthetransformingprocesshadactuallybeen a
processofhumanmaturation.Weseetoo,thatwithout
realizingan abiding onenesswithGod,no humanbeing
canberegardedasauthentically"mature."Neither
chronological,psychological,anthropological,orany
developmentalagecanrightlydefinehuman maturity,-
onlyatransformationwroughtbyGodcan begetthe
matureindividual.Duringtransformationitwasthe
action ofgracethatgavethisprocessitsmysticalflavor;
infact,weoften refertothosewhohavebeen through
THEPATHTONO-SELF
thisprocessas"mystics,"amysticbeing noneother
thananauthenticallymaturehumanbeing. Atthesame
time,weask:IsthismaturitytheendofGod'sworkin
us?DoesGodintendnohigher destinyformanthan his
becomingamaturehuman being?
Aftermanyyears livedin theunitivestate,wehave
toacknowledgethatalthoughitisaprofoundandhappy
improvementoveran immature,egoicexistence,itis
notatotallyperfectstate—certainlyitisnot"heaven"
orman'sfinaldestiny.Thecontinuationofself-aware¬
nessandthearisingofself(thoughtsandfeelings)in
responsetolife'sevents,remain asasubtleobstacletoa
totallyselflessloveofGod.Somehow,selfstillhasatoe¬
holdorafinger ineverything wedo. Althoughthese self¬
responsesseem tobearequirement ofearthlyexistence
andpresent nomajorproblem, theyneverthelessstand
inthewayofamoreperfect state.Apartfromsitting
stillandalooftherestofourlives,wecannot imagine
howordinarylifecouldgoonifallsuchself-responses
werepermanentlytocease.Also,wedo notseeanyway
wecouldpossiblymakethishappen;in truth,onlygod
canbringaboutapermanentcessation ofself.Justasthe
fallingawayoftheego-centerwasGod'sdoing, sotoo,
theeventualfallingawayofallselfcan onlybebrought
aboutbyGod.Thuswhen theunitivestatehasbeen
livedtoitsfullestpotentialorwhen thereisnothingleft
inthemarketplacetoexperience, theunitivestate—self
andGod—fallsawayinonefellswoop.Justaswehad
notanticipatedthefallingawayoftheoriginalself-cen¬
ter(ego),wecouldnever haveanticipatedthefalling
awayofthedivinecenter.
Beyondself,itbecomesobviousthatthepurpose
andendoftheunitivestatenotonlyrepresentsmature
humanexistence,butthatthismatureexistence is,
itself,amovementtowardahigher estate.Thustheuni¬
tivestateistheunknown pathwherein alifeofegoless
living—andgiving—eventuallybringsustoadimension
xiv
PREFACE
beyondournotionsofhumanfulfillment, beyondany¬
thingheretoforeknownorexpected. Thepathtono-self,
then,istheegolessunitivestate.Althoughtheegoless
condition,orunitivestate,isman'smaturelife,itisnot
theendofhisjourney. Thefallingawayoftheegoor
originalself-center wasnotthecessation ofthewhole
selfortrueself;thereremainsawaytogobeforethetrue
selfcanceaseor fallaway.Itisimportanttoremember
thatbeforereachingtheunitivestatewehadneverlived
theegolesslife.However hardwestrovetobeunselfish,
wehadnotyetattainedtheegolessorunitivecondition;
onlythetrueselflivesinsuchacondition. Onlyafter
theegolesscondition ortrueselfhasbeen livedtoits
fullestpotentialin themarketplacecanitcometoan
endandlifego onwithoutit.
Theassumption thattheegolesscondition,or
unionofselfandGod,isman'sfinalgoalandultimate
destiny,isagreatmistake. Mypurposehereistoaffirm
thattheunitivestateisahidden pathinitself,amove¬
mentinitsownright thatultimatelyleadstono-self(no
trueself)andno-union. Inshort,theunitivestateisthe
hidden pathtono-self.
IntheChristiantradition thefallingawayofself
(nottheego)hasneverbeen addressed, possiblybecause
itisheldtobeeither animpossibleeventoranignoble
idea.Thegreatfear isthatwithoutselfthemonotheistic
revelationwillcollapseintoamonisticorpantheistic
impersonalprinciple—akindof"cosmicsoup,"asone
theologianputit.When allissaid anddone, however,
theonlyeventthatcouldpossiblyverifyornullifythe
fearsandobjectionstoatotallyselflessstate,wouldbe
theeventitself—thefallingawayofallself.Beyondself,
whatisactuallyrevealed—cosmicsoup?animpersonal
principle?abrilliantlight?Beyondself,therevelation is
notofanimmaterialsoulorspiritbut,rather,therevela¬
tionofthetruenatureofthebodyaspartandparcelof
Christ'seternalMystical Body. ThisMysticalBody
xv
THEPATHTONO-SELF
dwellsinthegloryoftheFather anditsenlightenmentis
theHolySpirit. Ifthisisnotasufficientdestiny, then
whatis?FaithinChrist eventuallycastsoutallfearof
lossofself,forwhereselfleavesoff,theeternalChrist
begins.
IfIweretoreadoverthefollowingpages, written
almostten yearsago,Iwouldprobablymakemany
changes.Therei^onlyoneplace, however,whereI
knewfromtheoutset Ihad failedtomakethepoint.
Thisoccursin thechapter on"theopen mind"orPhase
IVofthebook,whereIspeakofthecessation ofjudg¬
ment.IhopeitwillnotbeoutofplaceifIendthispref¬
acebyinserting thepoint Ihad originallyintendedto
make.Apartfromthisomission,thereisnothingessen¬
tialIwouldadd totheoriginal narrative.Thoughsome
ofitsterminologymightbechanged, Ihavediscovered
thatthosewhocanidentifywithcertain experiencesdo
soregardlessofthetermsused. Whenitcomestocom¬
municatingexperience, semanticsisnotatruebarrier;
rather,thetruebarrier isnever having hadtheexperi¬
ence.
Inthechapteronthe"open mind"(PhaseIV),by
judgmentIdonotmean adeliberateact ofmoraljudg¬
mentbut,rather,themind'sautonomousactofdiscrim¬
ination.In itselfthisunconsciousdisc riminationisa
subtleformofjudgment,butonesointimatelylinkedto
self-awarenessthatthecessationofthisdisc rimination
wouldbeequallythecessationofself-awareness.Togive
anexampleofthis:whenmeeting another personweare
instantlyreflectedback onourselves,andwiththis
reflexiveact comecertain associationsattachedtothis
act.Butuntilwecanseetheworldandotherpeople
withoutthissubtlediscrimination,wewillnever see
themastheyarein themselves;instead, wewillsee
xvi
PREFACE
themonlyastheyareinourselves—whicharetwovery
differentviews.When wecannotseeothersastotally
new,orasifforthefirsttime,wecannot allowfor
changeeither inthem orinourselves.Sothesubtleform
ofdiscrimination thatI amspeakingofisahindranceto
amoreperfectcharity,compassion, forgiveness,justice,
andsoon.
Itisimportant,then,torealizethatthereflexive
mindisanautomaticdiscriminator.Whenwecatch our
mindsinthisdiscriminatingact, wecomeascloseaswe
everwilltocatchingourmindsin .theveryact ofself-
awareness.ThepointIoriginallyintendedtomakein
thischapteristhediscoveryofthemind'sautonomous
andunconsciousactivitywherein theact ofdiscrimina¬
tionisnotdifferentfromtheactofself-awareness(that
is,thecessationofdiscrimination isequallythecessa¬
tionofself-awareness).
Althoughunknownatthetime,thisdiscoveryisan
importantinsightor preparation fortheeventualcessa¬
tionofself-awareness. Whereinitiallythisdiscrimina¬
tionappearedtobeasubtleformofjudgment,itturns
outtobeasubtleformofself-awareness. Iamgrateful
fortheopportunitytoclarifythisfactin thisnewedition
ofthebook.
IwishtoexpressmygratitudetoBillEastman of
SUNYPressformaking thisneweditionpossible. Bill
firstcameuponthisbookin aremotevillageofIndia
and, onreturningtotheUnitedStates,foundittobeno
longerinprint.Sincethisbookisapersonalaccountof
theChristiancontemplativejourney,Billfeltitwould
beathomeamong theliteratureofotherreligioustradi¬
tionspublishedbySUNYPress. Ourmutualhopeisthat
thisaccountwillhelpshed somelightonthepsycholog¬
ical-spiritualjourneythateveryoneiscalledtomake.