The Pampered Child Syndrome: How to Recognize It, How to Manage It, And How to Avoid It-a Guide for Parents And Professionals

154 Pages·2005·0.46 MB·English

by  Maggie Mamen

The Pampered Child Syndrome
Revised Edition
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The Pampered Child Syndrome
Revised Edition
How to Recognize It, How to Manage It,
and How to Avoid It – A Guide
for Parents and Professionals
Maggie Mamen
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia
Excerpts fromConners’ Rating Scales – Revised (CRS – R)on pp.57–9 Copyright © 1997 Multi-Health Systems
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[phone]. Fax, [phone]. Reproduced with permission.
“When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking…” (2004) on pp.93–4 from the bookWhen You Thought
I Wasn’t Looking© Mary Rita Schilke Korzan. Dist. by Andrews McMeel Publishing,
reprinted with permission. All rights reserved.
“My Declaration ofSelf-esteem” on p.142 used with permission ofAVANTA The Virginia Satir
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First published in Canada in 2004 by
Creative Bound International Inc.
This revised edition first published in 2006 by
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
116 Pentonville Road
London N1 9JB, UK
and
400 Market Street, Suite 400
Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA
www.jkp.com
Copyright © Maggie Mamen 2006
Second impression 2006
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Library ofCongress Cataloging in Publication Data
Mamen,Maggie,1946-
Thepamperedchildsyndrome:howtorecognizeit,howtomanageit,andhowtoavoidit:aguidefor
parentsandprofessionals/MaggieMamen.
p.cm.
Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex.
ISBN-13:978-1-84310-407-0(pbk.:alk.paper)
ISBN-10:1-84310-407-5(pbk.:alk.paper)1.Childrearing—UnitedStates.2.Parenting—UnitedStates.
3.Parentandchild—UnitedStates.I.Title.
HQ769.M24752005
649’.1—dc22
2005019373
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN-13: 978 1 84310 407 0
ISBN-10: 1 84310 407 5
ISBN pdfeBook: 1 84642 244 2
Printed and bound in Great Britain by
Athenaeum Press, Gateshead, Tyne and Wear
This book is dedicated to AC, KC,
EH, DL, CM, and all the other
children who have had to work so hard
for the basic necessities, and for whom
a chance to be pampered would have
been a fine thing.
Acknowledgments
Every story in this book is based on composite children from
composite families, along with just a touch of poetic license. If you
recognize yourself, it is because of the universality of our collective
experiences, and not because I have been in your living room.
Speakingwithandlisteningtohundredsofparentsandprofessionals
(including physicians, lawyers, mediators, educators, counselors,
psychologists, social workers, nurses, school secretaries) who deal
withchildrenonadailybasis,ithasbecomeincreasinglyobviousthat
theyoungstersIencounterinmyclinicalpracticearenotthatdifferent
from the multitudes who are out there in our schools and our
communities.Iamgratefultoalltheparentswhohavesharedwithme
both the joys and the frustrations of trying to raise responsible,
independent, competent, unspoiled children amid the barrage of
competing values that define our current culture.
Icouldnothavewrittenthisbookwithoutanumberofimportant
people:GailBairdfromCreativeBound,whotoleratesmultipleideas
thatappeartobegoingsomewhereandwhoisalwaysenthusiasticon
the rare occasion when they do; my colleagues at Centrepointe
ProfessionalServices,whoshareexperiencesoverbrown-baglunches
and keep me grounded; Sally, whose unconditional support and
constructive advice are always there when needed; Audrey, whose
humorandwisdomconnectmewithmyroots;Rolf,whohastaught
methatthereisnosuchwordas“cannot,”sothatallthingsarepossible
ifyouarecreativeandwillingtoworkhardenough,andwholetsme
have my space when I need it; and, of course, our three grown-up
children,Natalie,Katy,andJorin,whohavebecomeadultswhomwe
not only love, but like, and can now pamper without anxiety.
Thank you all.
Contents
PREFACE 9
PART I The Pampered Child Syndrome:
How to Recognize It
1. Background and Evolution 13
2. Pampered Children 22
3. The Pampered Child Syndrome 37
4. Depression 42
5. Anxiety 49
6. Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder 54
7. Behavior Disorders 62
8. Learning Problems 67
PART II The Pampered Child Syndrome:
How to Manage It and How to Avoid It
9. Management and Prevention: General Objectives 73
10. Restoring Balance: Breaking the Pampering Cycle 76
11. Parent Matters 85
12. Roles and Goals for Professionals 95
13. A Class Act: Pampered Children and their Teachers 113
14. Sparing the Rod without Spoiling the Child: Ten Strategies
that Work 126
Epilogue: Happily Ever After? 144
SUBJECT INDEX 147
AUTHOR INDEX 152