The One-Life Solution: Reclaim Your Personal Life While Achieving Greater Professional Success

424 Pages·2008·1.33 MB·English

by  Henry Cloud

The One-Life
Solution
Reclaim Your Personal Life While
Achieving Greater Professional Success
Dr. Henry Cloud
TO MY PARENTS,
Henry and Louise Cloud,
who both passed away during this book’s writing.
Thank you for the integrated life you both led. You
showed us that it is possible to make business, family,
faith, service, and fun all come together. You leave your
family, your friends, and your community much to be
grateful for. We will miss you, and may we strive to
give all of life its due, as you both did for more than
ninety years.
Contents
Part One: Foundations
1. Identifying the Problem—and the Solution 3
2. Your Vision and Your Boundaries 33
3. Structure and Boundaries 51
Part Two: Rebuilding Boundaries
4. Reclaiming Your Power 89
5. The Audit 110
6. The Laws of Boundaries 143
7. You and Your Words 182
8. Make the “No-Choice” Choices First 226
9. Follow the Misery and Make a Rule 248
iv Contents
Part Three: Boundaries on the Job
10. Time, Space, and E-Mail 283
11. Getting Your Balance Sheet in Order 308
12. End Some Things Now 325
13. Communicating Your Boundaries 339
Conclusion: The Path Ahead 381
Appendix: Helpful Hints 389
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Other Books by Dr. Henry Cloud
Credits
Cover
Copyright
About the Publisher
PART ONE
Foundations

1.
Identifying the Problem—
and the Solution
MARIA, THE CEO WHO CAN’T
PULL THE TRIGGER
Maria is the CEO of a tech company, and has a
team reporting to her that has multiple func-
tions, from finance to marketing and retail. She is
ultimately responsible for both the performance of the
business and for the culture within the organization.
Profits have been good for several years, and because
of that she has been able to hide a problem that troubles
her in her more reflective moments.
Stan, one of her VPs, is a weak link in the team.
She knows it, and so do others. A very nice guy, he is
just not the kind of performer the team needs in that
position. The momentum they have experienced keeps
4 FOUNDATIONS
the overall picture looking good enough to hide what
everyone at that level knows to be true. Stan is over
his head and should be replaced. Other team members
resent the fact that he is there for two reasons. First,
they feel like their efforts are making him successful,
and thus feel that the situation is not fair. But second,
and more demoralizing, they know they could all be at
a different level if Stan were replaced. They feel like
they are being cheated of what they could all have if a
real star were in his place.
So, they feel deflated about where they are, resentful
of Stan, who is such a nice guy, and resentful of Maria,
who will not do anything about him. When I asked
Maria why she could not fix the situation, she said, “I
just cannot pull the trigger with him. He is so nice. He
is fifty-five years old, at the pinnacle of his career, and
it would kill him. Where would he go? I don’t know. I
know I should do something, and I have to, but so far,
I just have not been able to do it. I just keep putting off
the inevitable.”
DAVID, THE MANAGER WHO CAN’T
STAND UP TO A BULLYING BOSS
David is a middle manager on an operations team. He
is responsible for project management and keeping
production schedules moving forward. As a result, he