The No-Bullshit Guide to Succeeding in Culinary School

180 Pages·2015·1.32 MB·English

by  Brauer

The No-Bullshit Guide to
Succeeding in Culinary School

Kim Brauer

Copyright © 2015 by Kim Brauer

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any
manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use
of brief quotations in a book review.

No-Bullshit Career Guides
www.NoBSguides.com
ISBN-13: 978-1516866274
ISBN-10: 1516866274
Welcome

My fellow and future comrades in the food industry, if you’re thinking about going to
culinary school, or you’ve already taken the plunge and enrolled, this book is for you.
A career in cooking isn’t like any other. So this guide – with its cussing, irreverence,
name calling, honest observations, and direct, hard-won advice – isn’t some sappy, generic
succeed-in-school-and-life-by-building-your-personal-brand pile of crapola. It’s a war
journal, a lifehacker’s field manual, a no-bullshit guide to sucking the marrow out of
culinary school, avoiding the stupid shit that’s hard to shake later, and building yourself a
solid foundation for a career in an industry that may never be easy, but can be a fuckton of
fun to work in.
If my language has already offended you – Why, swearing is crass; a sure sign of a
faltering intellect and poor vocabulary! – then for the love of God, don’t try to read the
rest of this book. Back slowly away, buy that colorful parachute one instead, and get a
respectable job as an accountant, an astronaut, an astronaut’s nanny – whatever else you
can possibly do with yourself that doesn’t involve working in a kitchen. This biz isn’t for
the faint of heart or the fearful of tongue.
This is a quick and easy read, because if you believe the press we get (we being the
service-level, boots-on-the-ground heroes of the food industry), we may be a creative
bunch, but we’re a little dum, and not inclined to read and write much. While you’re
reading the good news about our industry’s fine reputation, you’ll also hear that we’re a
pack of thieves (who regularly slip beef tenderloins into the flattering black-and-white-
checked pants we wear), so please accept my heartfelt thank you for buying this guide,
rather than stealing it from a friend. I hope to return the favor (ten times over) by sharing
with you the very best advice I’ve come across for how to genuinely succeed in this
quirky industry – some that I’ve learned through my own experience, and lots that I’ve
gleaned from a pile of helpful interviews I’ve done with food industry professionals of all
sorts.
So lace up, and let’s get this shit rolling.
Table of Contents

Part 1: Getting Started

Do you need to go to culinary school?

An Alternative Apprenticeship
What will you learn in culinary school?

Great Expectations
The Fundamentals
What shit do you need to get together to start culinary school?

Ready at the Starting Gate
Building Your Kit
Your Uniform
Working Neater, Cleaner, Tighter
Part 2: Setting Yourself Up for Success

Q: How are culinary schools organized?

Introducing Instructor Iceberg
Classroom vs. Kitchen Time
Kitchen Rules
Kicking Ass in the Classroom
Q: What if I’m X? (Where X equals young, old, female, male, vegetarian, etc. etc.)

Early Adopters
Older Students and Career Changers
Women in the Kitchen (A Primer for Men)
Eating Your Ethics
Part 3: Seeing the Bigger Picture
Get Peeps
The Three Questions Everyone’s Asking
The Tribe
Building Your SWAT Team
The Tricky Bits
The Killers
Don’t Shit Where You Eat
Get Comfortable…
… But Not Too Comfortable
Get a Job
Happy Birthday, Go Get a Job.
Yep, It’s Still Who You Know
Get Serious
Do You Have the Right Traits to Succeed?
Is Your Heart In It?
Carpe Diem: Seize the Carps!
When Is It Okay to Quit?
Keep Getting Better
Your Better Self
Developing Your Palate
Kaizen
Part 4: The Bad News

A Dozen Ways Culinary School ISN’T Preparing You for Restaurant Work
Part 5: The Glossary

Acknowledgements

Next Steps

Sneak Peek
Part 1

Getting Started

You have a story in your head about what kind of student you are, right now. You love
school, you hate school. You’re a good student, you suck at school. You’re smart, you’re
dumb, you’re too smart for this bullshit, you’re bored, you’re working hard but it doesn’t
seem to click for you…
I’d bet you a crisp hundo, if I had one, that you could tell me right away what kind of
student you are, and that that story has a lot to do with what kind of student you end up
being. That’s good information, but that’s all it is – information, a starting point. Because
whatever kind of student you’ve been in school so far, cooking school can be quite
different.
The rules are different in culinary school. You’re on your feet, working your ass off,
learning physical skills in potentially-dangerous kitchens. It’s relentlessly vocational – no
one’s quizzing you on the names of the Roman Emperors, and no one gives one shit about
what you learn if you can’t also put that knowledge and those skills to good use. The
relationships you’ll be thrown into are also different in culinary school, and you’ll need to
interact with your instructors and your peers in ways that might feel intense to folks who
are used to sitting around in desks a lot at school.
That’s why I wrote this super-practical “how to” guide: To help you get the most out of
your time and your work in culinary school, focus on what matters the most, and avoid
really common mistakes that I saw people making (and that, alas, I made myself). It’s a
collection of some of the funny, fantastic, and fucked-up things I’ve seen, heard about, and
experienced – in both culinary school and in restaurant jobs, since gaining solid
experience as a line cook is the primary goal for most peeps who enroll in culinary school
(whether or not it’s their long-term career goal).
I wrote this guide to help very specific people. Are you one of them?
• The anxious student (or prospective student) who thinks that doing well in culinary
school means knowing a bunch of French terms, reciting the growing season of
[1]
morels, or coming in the door with great knife skills. This is your field manual to
what really matters the most.

• The dude in the kitchen who sweats confidence, but has a ton of questions about his
cooking career that he’s – let’s be honest here – never actually going to actually his
peers or his sous. It’s okay, lambchop – we can talk about all your secret questions
and concerns.

• Career changers (like me) who want to know what the fuck they’re getting into. I’ll
help you walk into school feeling competent, even confident, despite being a total
newbie again.

• Those of you who love to cook, but are smart to be curious about the big-ass
difference between throwing a dinner party for a dozen friends and cooking on the
line. Grab the cocktail shaker and let’s talk.

• And peeps of all ages who want a more interesting job, and some killer lifehack-
style advice about how to most efficiently bump up your badass quotient while
making money doing work you really dig.

I’m assuming that you’re either thinking about going to culinary school, or you’ve
signed on already and gotten started. Looking at the bigger picture, I’m also assuming
you’re interested in becoming a cook, and that you’re one curious mofo, ready to do a
little research to be better prepared for the challenges ahead.
Cooks are the finest folks on Earth.
As the great and handsome and never-swearing and ever-elegant Chef Eric Ripert said,
“A cook and a chef are different entities. ‘Chef’ is a title… but when you are a cook, it is
[2]
who you are. It is your spine and your soul.” The cooks I’ve had the honor of meeting
and working with have been funny and fierce, crass and caring, skilled and still always
learning, freakishly fast and sometimes amazingly patient. They have great nights and shit
services, successes and failures, they have meltdowns and injuries and come back from
them – like successful folks in any intense and creative line of work.
Cooking is different than other lines of work in important ways, though, and it’s
crucial to know what you’re getting into if you think this might be a career for you. I’ve
been working as a big-hearted gal in tough-ass industries for a long time, so I’m the last
one who’s going to shit on your dreams. If you are chock-ass full of grit and persistence,
and you have work ethic coming out of your ears, you can make any career work,
including this one.
But I’m also not here to blow powdered sugar up your ass. This is tough goddamn
work, and it’s really not for everyone. Anthony Bourdain wrote pretty much the seminal
work on whether or not someone should go into cooking. And by seminal, I mean he
wrote it with his own semen, which he can produce better and faster than any other man-
chef alive. It’s a chapter called “So You Wanna Be a Chef” in his book Medium Raw, and
there’s a link to it at www.NoBSguides.com, in the long and hopefully-super-helpful
resources page.
Bourdain focuses on line cooking in high-end restaurants, which definitely isn’t for
everyone. There are lots of different ways to work in this big giant industry. Maybe your
little secret dream has nothing to do with working the line, and what really blows your
skirt up is the idea of food photography, food styling, private or personal cheffing,
catering, bakery work, recipe testing and product development, etc. Newsflash, though:
All these folks are busting their asses, too. None of these peeps are sitting down playing
desk jockey for the day. They’re not even sitting down to eat lunch – they’re plating that
shit up all gorgeous, and standing off camera eating the over-charred shit out of a ninth
pan for lunch just like any line cook would. There’s no such thing as an easy corner of the
food business to tuck yourself into. It’s all hard work.
Chefs are on television now. They act like rockstars. The top 1% of them make big
money, and for that reason alone, mothers don’t cry (quite as much) when their babies
decide to go into cooking. But being a cook still means working your ass off for years,
building your foundational knowledge, your skills, your techniques, your palate, your
speed, your muscle memory – learning step by step, with no shortcuts. If that doesn’t
appeal to you, you’re heading for big trouble, because this is a career of hard work and
then more hard work.
I’m getting ahead of myself, though. This isn’t the part of the book where I’m
supposed to scare the shit out of you. I’m still supposed to be charming you. So let’s look
ahead briefly. The menu for this big adventure will be roughly as follows:
Part 1: The Appetizers
Just the nuts & bolts kind of shit you need to know to get started. Do you need to go to
culinary school, and what will you learn there? What’s the best way to make a good first
impression with your new Chef Instructor? What knives and supplies will you need to
drop some cash on in the first week or two?

Part 2: Getting into the Meaty Bits
Who teaches in culinary schools? How are these programs structured and organized? What
do you need to do to kick ass in the kitchen and the classroom? This is the fundamental
but very important information you’ll need to start off on the right foot, so that you don’t
have to spend the second half of your program explaining to everyone that you’re not
actually a douchenozzle, you were just nervous.

Part 3: The Main Course
You don’t just want to survive culinary school, you want to thrive in it, and leave there
strong and ready to explode into a cooking career. Read the basics, okay? But this is where
we’ll roll up our sleeves and start talking strategy. This is where you make the power
moves that will set you up well for the cooking career that follows.

I’ll be your guide in this adventure. My name is Kim, and I’m a couple years into what
I hope is a long and successful cooking career.
The No-Bullshit Guides operate on a two-steps-ahead philosophy. You’re not getting
culinary school advice here from someone who learned to poach an egg from Escoffier
himself. You’re not even getting culinary school advice from some executive chef who
went to the Culinary Institute of America in the 1980’s and has built a profitable empire in
the decades since. Those books may exist, but this ain’t one of them.
I went to cooking school three years ago, and for me it was a gift – both a luxury and a
challenge. Like many students, I went to culinary school to build my confidence and
professional-level skills and techniques. Plenty of people start long and successful cooking
careers without any culinary schooling – certificate, degree, or otherwise – but I didn’t
have the nuts to roll into a professional kitchen, talk my way into a job (much less pull off
the tryout-style interview to land that job), and adopt a fake-it-’til-I-make-it attitude while
I quickly learned the ropes. I’ve nabbed jobs I was blatantly under-qualified to tackle in
the past, but I knew I wasn’t going to take that route into professional kitchen work. I got a
lot more out of it than I expected, and I’m really thankful for the knowledge, skills, habits,
and community that I built in school.
I’ve had three jobs in the culinary field so far: Recipe development and retail for a
specialty foods company; prep cooking; and line cooking. Culinary school prepared me
for all of these jobs very well, and for me was worth every penny – and, more importantly,
all the time I invested in it.
But I’m also interested in dissecting the experience – talking about how to get the most
out of what can be a significant investment of both time and money, looking at the things
that will probably annoy and frustrate the shit out of you in school, and evaluating how
closely school lines up with entry-level cooking jobs, and where it falls short in preparing
you for real food industry work.
I also talked to a whole pile of culinary school instructors, cooks, chefs, and students
while writing this book. They come from a tribe of skilled and generous folks that I love
being a part of, and I’m thrilled to share their voices and thoughts with you, too. The
experiences and insights they’ve shared with me inform this whole book, and are also
featured in quotes and stand-alone interviews throughout the sections that follow.
On The Rail:
• If being a cook is part of “your spine and your soul,” you might want to get that
looked at.

• This is a career that’s going to require a huge amount of hard work and persistence.

• It’s also a fuckton of fun, though.

An Alternative Apprenticeship
For centuries, most skilled trades were taught through an apprenticeship system. There
were guilds for painters and masons and cooks, for butchers and bakers and candlestick
makers. When you were new to a trade, you went and worked in the studio of a master.
You did all the shit work – the sweeping and the latrine cleaning and whatever the fuck
they told you to do, for however long they told you to do it. The master was hardly aware
of your presence, and the folks who were one or two steps ahead of you delighted in
crapping upon you. But you persisted and showed grit, and eventually you got to paint the
blue sky, and then the mountains, and then the angels, and eventually you were the dude
painting the fat, naked Baby Jesus. Jackpot!
That’s pretty much how kitchens still work, centuries later. Maybe you get your foot in
the door by offering to work for free, as a stage, and you settle in to small dice onions for
the rest of your life, but then the prep cook flames out and they stick you in that role. Or
you start by washing dishes, and you peel a metric fuckton of fava beans all spring. Maybe
you make it onto the line, on pantry or garde manger, and you make salads until your
hands smell like vinaigrette all the time. And then you move up to fry station, or to sauté
or grill, and then eventually you’re the sous chef and then the chef de cuisine, running the
[3]
whole kitchen.
Working your way up from the bottom is not only a viable option in the restaurant
industry, it’s a well-respected path. Tough-nut chefs who started at the bottom just love
telling people about how they started at the bottom. I’m not knocking this. They should be
proud. It’s hard fucking work, and they stuck with it. That brings them serious cred in an
industry that requires and therefore values an incredible amount of hard work.
This is all to say, you don’t need to go to culinary school in order to kick off a cooking
career. You can just show up in a kitchen, talk your way into a job, and work your way up
from there.
__________________

Becky Selengut, Private Chef:

If there was someone in a restaurant willing to give you an intensive apprenticeship,
and you knew you wanted to be a restaurant chef, I would take the apprenticeship.
Say you already know this is the life for you, and you’ve been studying the lives of
restaurant chefs, and through connections you’ve been able to get someone to commit
to putting you through an intensive three-month apprenticeship, and if you do well
they’ll hire you on staff. And it’s the type of restaurant and the chef you want to learn
from. Okay, don’t say no to that in order to go to culinary school. That seems like a
special opportunity you may never get again, and you could always go back to
culinary school after that kind of apprenticeship, if you felt you still needed the
schooling. If you already know what you want to do, I think you can learn the same
amount in school or in a good apprenticeship.

But if you don’t know what you want to do, or you don’t have that offer on the table,
culinary school is a great way to figure out where you might want to go in this career.
And it’s a very nurturing way to introduce you to the concepts in a supportive
environment.

__________________

I absolutely agree with Becky, but look at the number of ifs that she takes the time to
insert into this hypothetical situation:
1. IF someone’s willing to take you on as an apprentice, and

2. IF they’re a chef and the type of restaurant you want to work with, and