Table Of ContentTHE MINDFUL SELF- COMPASSION WORKBOOK
Also from Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer
FOR GENERAL READERS
The Mindful Path to Self- Compassion:
Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions
Christopher Germer
FOR PROFESSIONALS
Mindfulness and Psychotherapy, Second Edition
Edited by Christopher Germer, Ronald D. Siegel,
and Paul R. Fulton
Teaching the Mindful Self- Compassion Program: A Guide for Professionals
(forthcoming)
Christopher Germer and Kristin Neff
Wisdom and Compassion in Psychotherapy:
Deepening Mindfulness in Clinical Practice
Christopher Germer and Ronald D. Siegel
The Mindful
Self- Compassion
Workbook
A PROVEN WAY TO ACCEPT YOURSELF,
BUILD INNER STRENGTH, AND THRIVE
Kristin Neff, PhD
Christopher Germer, PhD
THE GUILFORD PRESS
New York London
Copyright © 2018 Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer
Published by The Guilford Press
A Division of Guilford Publications, Inc.
370 Seventh Avenue, Suite 1200, New York, NY 10001
www.guilford.com
All rights reserved
The information in this volume is not intended as a substitute for consultation with
healthcare professionals. Each individual’s health concerns should be evaluated by a
qualified professional.
No part of this book may be reproduced, translated, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
microfilming, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher.
See page 206 for terms of use for audio files.
Printed in the United States of America
This book is printed on acid-free paper.
Last digit is print number: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Neff, Kristin, author. | Germer, Christopher K., author.
Title: The mindful self-compassion workbook : a proven way to accept yourself, build inner
strength, and thrive / Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer.
Description: New York, NY : Guilford Press, [2018] | Includes bibliographical references
and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2018011237 | ISBN 9781462535651 (hardcover : alk. paper) |
ISBN 9781462526789 (pbk. : alk. paper)
Subjects: LCSH: Self-acceptance. | Compassion. | Security (Psychology)
Classification: LCC BF575.S37 N443 2018 | DDC 158.1/3—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018011237
The story on page 162 is from Awakening Joy by James Baraz and Shoshana Alexander.
Copyright © 2012 James Baraz and Shoshana Alexander. Reprinted by permission.
Acknowledgments
Although the authors of this book started developing Mindful Self- Compassion
(MSC) in 2010, it is now a project of the worldwide community of MSC prac-
titioners, teachers, and researchers, and we find ourselves in the enviable position
of gathering their cumulative wisdom and integrating it into the training program
you have in your hands. Our hope is that MSC will continually evolve as we learn
together the subtle art of bringing compassion into the world, starting with kind-
ness toward ourselves. To this end, we give thanks to the innumerable people whose
voices are contained in the pages of this book.
We have also had the good fortune to live at a time when compassion practice
and science are no longer separate subjects and where the wisdom of East and West
is merging. This convergence is unprecedented in human history. We are therefore
deeply grateful for luminaries who had the courage and vision to build these bridges,
such as the Dalai Lama, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Sharon Salzberg, Jack Kornfield, Richie
Davidson, Sara Lazar, Tania Singer, Pema Chödrön, Thupten Jinpa, Tara Brach,
Daniel Siegel, Rick Hanson, and Paul Gilbert, to name just a few. Their efforts have
paved the way for our own— bringing self- compassion training into mainstream
society.
Right from the start, we had close colleagues who saw the value in self- compassion
and joined our efforts in a variety of selfless ways. They included Michelle Becker,
Steve Hickman, Christine Brähler, Susan Pollak, Pittman McGehee, Kristy Arbon,
Lienhard Valentin, Wibo Koole, Hilde Steinhauser, Judith Soulsby, Vanessa Hope,
Hailan Guo, Seogwang Snim, Marta Alonso Maynar, Dawn MacDonald, and
Micheline St. Hilaire. Steve and Michelle, in particular, launched our MSC teacher
training initiative in 2014 through the University of California, San Diego, and have
collaboratively helped us develop the unique pedagogy that you will find in this
book—self- compassion training that is safe and effective for a wide range of differ-
ent people. It is our hope that readers who notice changes in their own lives through
v
vi Acknowledgments
using this workbook will consider attending an actual MSC program and have a
chance to interact with our talented, trained teachers who are the lifeblood of MSC.
(You can find a local course at www.centerformsc.org.)
This book would not exist if not for the ardent support of Kitty Moore, our dear
Senior Editor at The Guilford Press, who has been trying to make the world a better
place for the past few decades. We are also grateful to Christine Benton, develop-
mental editor, who read every word of this workbook for content and style to make
it as readable and user- friendly as possible.
Finally, over the coming years we hope to pay back the generosity and under-
standing of our nearest and dearest, in particular Kristin’s son, Rowan, and Chris’s
life partner, Claire. May their kind hearts be found by the reader in the pages of this
book.
Contents
Introduction: How to Approach This Workbook 1
1 What Is Self- Compassion? 9
2 What Self- Compassion Is Not 19
3 The Benefits of Self- Compassion 25
4 The Physiology of Self- Criticism and Self- Compassion 31
5 The Yin and Yang of Self- Compassion 38
6 Mindfulness 44
7 Letting Go of Resistance 50
8 Backdraft 57
9 Developing Loving- Kindness 64
10 Loving- Kindness for Ourselves 69
11 Self- Compassionate Motivation 77
12 Self- Compassion and Our Bodies 85
13 Stages of Progress 94
14 Living Deeply 100
15 Being There for Others without Losing Ourselves 110
vii
viii Contents
16 Meeting Difficult Emotions 115
17 Self- Compassion and Shame 121
18 Self- Compassion in Relationships 130
19 Self- Compassion for Caregivers 138
20 Self- Compassion and Anger in Relationships 144
21 Self- Compassion and Forgiveness 153
22 Embracing the Good 160
23 Self- Appreciation 166
24 Taking It Forward 173
Resources 177
Notes 181
Practices and Exercises 195
Index 199
About the Authors 205
List of Audio Files 206
Purchasers of this book can download audio files to complement
some of the exercises at www.guilford.com/neff- materials
for personal use (see page 206 for details).
Introduction:
How to Approach This Workbook
Our task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all
the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
—Rumi
We have all built barriers to love. We’ve had to in order to protect ourselves from
the harsh realities of living a human life. But there is another way to feel safe
and protected. When we are mindful of our struggles, and respond to ourselves with
compassion, kindness, and support in times of difficulty, things start to change. We
can learn to embrace ourselves and our lives, despite inner and outer imperfections,
and provide ourselves with the strength needed to thrive. An explosion of research
into self- compassion over the last decade has shown its benefits for well-being. Indi-
viduals who are more self- compassionate tend to have greater happiness, life satis-
faction, and motivation, better relationships and physical health, and less anxiety
and depression. They also have the resilience
needed to cope with stressful life events such as Learning to embrace
divorce, health crises, academic failure, even com- yourself and your
bat trauma.
imperfections gives you the
When we struggle, however—when we suffer,
resilience needed to thrive.
fail, or feel inadequate—it’s hard to be mindful
toward what’s occurring; we’d rather scream and
beat our fists on the table. Not only do we not like what’s happening, we think there
is something wrong with us because it’s happening. In the blink of an eye we can go
from “I don’t like this feeling” to “I don’t want this feeling” to “I shouldn’t have this
feeling” to “Something is wrong with me for having this feeling” to “I’m bad!”
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