Table Of ContentHow To 1
The Know-it-all’s
Guide to Life
How to climb Mount Everest, cure
hiccups, live to 100, and dozens
of other practical, unusual, or
just plain fantastical things
By
John T. Walbaum
THE CAREER PRESS, INC.
Franklin Lakes, NJ
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2 The Know-it-all’s Guide to Life
Copyright 2003 by John T. Walbaum
All rights reserved under the Pan-American and International Copyright
Conventions. This book may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, in any form
or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or
by any information storage and retrieval system now known or hereafter invented,
without written permission from the publisher, The Career Press.
THE KNOW-IT-ALL’S GUIDE TO LIFE
EDITED AND TYPESET BY NICOLE DEFELICE
Cover design by Cheryl Cohan Finbow
Printed in the U.S.A. by Book-mart Press
To order this title, please call toll-free 1-800-CAREER-1 (NJ and Canada: 201-
848-0310) to order using VISA or MasterCard, or for further information on
books from Career Press.
The Career Press, Inc., 3 Tice Road, PO Box 687,
Franklin Lakes, NJ 07417
www.careerpress.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Walbaum, John T.
The know-it-all’s guide to life : how to climb Mount Everest, cure hiccups, live
to 100, and dozens of other practical, unusual, or just plain fantastical things / by
John T.Walbaum.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 1-56414-673-1 (paper)
1. Life skills—Handbooks, manuals, etc. 2. Self-help techniques. I. Title: How
to climb Mount Everest, cure hiccups, live to 100, and dozens of other practical,
unusual, or just plain fantastical things. II. Title.
HQ2037 .W35 2003
646.7—dc21
2002041250
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How To 3
Dedication
For my wife, Margot. Without her constant love and support,
this book would not have been written.
Acknowledgments
I am indebted to many people for their assistance in preparing
this book. In no particular order, I would like to thank Gordon Janow
with Alpine Ascents International on climbing Mount Everest; Kyle
Steckel with Military Adventures and Greg Claxtom of Incredible
Adventures on flying MiGs; Paul Turner on being a movie extra; Jim
Carlson on jury selection; Amir Aczel of Bentley College on income
tax audits; Anita Walbaum and Ed McClure for IQ Tests and Ques-
tions; Claudia Bourne Farrell with the Federal Trade Commission on
identity theft; Evan Cattanach of Schieffelin & Sommerset and Rich-
ard Paterson, master blender at The Dalmore, on single malt whisky;
Dave Hughes on curing hiccups; Dr. Jack M. Gwaltney at the Univer-
sity of Virginia School of Medicine on avoiding the common cold, and
Mark Johnson on Allocating Your Assets.
I would also like to thank Gary Webb and Bob Soukup for re-
viewing the first draft and, despite their better judgment, foolishly
encouraging me in this endeavor. And thanks, of course, to all the
people at Career Press, especially Mike Lewis, who saw value in my
manuscript. There are surely others I should mention and I regret
their omission.
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Contents
Introduction 9
How to travel to space 11
How to join Mensa 14
How to try your own case 16
How to decode Wall Street 17
How to hire a contractor 19
How to get rid of the budget surplus 23
How to take the cure 25
How to gain a firm grasp of the obvious 29
How to get a good night’s sleep 30
How to become a movie star 33
How to launch a new career 35
How to get your hair back 36
How to eat an artichoke 40
How to buy a used car 41
How to select an ear of corn 45
How to get a patent 46
How to become a day trader 50
How to protect yourself without buying a gun 54
How to cure hiccups 56
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How to dodge speeding tickets 58
How to photograph an active volcano 64
How to drive like Richard Petty 65
How to go public 66
How to live like a king for a day 72
How to avoid an audit 73
How to climb Mount Everest 77
How to calculate your fortune 82
How to pack for a business trip 83
How to crash a black-tie party 85
How to make great chili 87
How to improve your memory 88
How to solve the problem of public schools 92
How to cure tennis elbow 94
How to get an audience to pipe down 95
How to beat the odds in Vegas 97
How to hit out of a water hazard 102
How to obtain a title of nobility 103
How to resurrect a dead philosophy 107
How to cure bad breath 107
How to eat with chopsticks 111
How to do a swan dive into an empty pool 112
How to find Blackbeard’s treasure 113
How to avoid hitting a moose 115
How to avoid inheriting the Earth 117
How to remove a tattoo 117
How to tell if a president is any good 119
How to prevent jet lag 119
How to get elected to the Senate 123
How to get blood from a stone 130
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How to stop solicitors 131
How to avoid gridlock 133
How to correct your credit report 134
How to ace an interview 136
How to get admitted to Augusta National 143
How to avoid being hit by lightning 144
How to travel in style 147
How to drink like Hemingway 152
How to make great grilled chicken 153
How to learn to fly fish 155
How to prevent identity theft 158
How to compete at altitude 160
How to watch the Tour de France 161
How to get rid of tailgaters 167
How to avoid jury duty 167
How to choose a Christmas tree 169
How to lose weight without dieting or breaking a sweat 170
How to fake it at a bullfight 171
How to conduct like Toscanini 172
How to fly a jet fighter without joining the armed services 177
How to vex the terminally pleasant 180
How to cure a mid-life crisis 180
How to cut an onion without crying 182
How to improve your public speaking 183
How to save the Earth 184
How to turn a mountain back into a molehill 187
How to get rid of all those frequent flyer miles 188
How to live to 100 189
How to run a democracy 192
How to win a basketball game when your team is down
by two with the ball and 30 seconds remaining 193
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How to select a single malt scotch 194
How to run with the bulls 198
How to become a Scrabble master 200
How to prevent mosquito bites 206
How to choose a fast food 209
How to remove a fishhook 216
How to avoid catching a cold 217
How to permanently cure a slice 220
How to tell if you are getting fat 220
How to get rid of a fruitcake 221
How to become a billionaire 222
How to train a basset hound 223
How to listen in on the CIA 224
How to allocate your assets 226
Additional resources 233
Index 249
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How To 9
Introduction
Like millions of other Americans, I treat bookstores as my private
library. When I want to know something, I pull a how-to book off the shelf,
skim it, furiously take mental notes, and then return it to the shelves for
the next consumer to rough up. It’s no wonder bookselling is a tough
business.
Well, who wants to spend $30 on a book just to look up how to cut
crown molding (upside-down and backwards) by the way? Don’t get me
wrong. I love those old Time-Life guides with illustrations of people wear-
ing bell-bottom pants installing their own ceiling tile. Step-by-step books
are great for hobbyists and weekend carpenters. But let’s face it, most
“instructional” books are overloaded with arcane details just so the au-
thors can show how smart they are.
Then there are books that purport to offer the “secret” to something
(losing weight, curing wrinkles, growing hair, etc.). The trouble is, you might
read one book only to find another one pushing a completely different
theory. Take a stroll through your local library and you’ll see that the half-
life of each new miracle cure is about six months. Who has time to keep up
with all this stuff? You need the straight scoop and nothing but. Life’s too
short, after all, to waste time plowing through books written by fast-buck
doctors, talk-show hosts turned authors, and former vice presidents.
So to make your life simpler, I’ve written the Know-it-all’s Guide to
Life, a wry, wisenheimer’s look at approximately 90 subjects, ranging from
the practical (how to stop solicitors) to the fantastical (how to travel to
space). Although it’s lighthearted, the material presented is serious. Each
chapter is a distillation of the best advice available on a given topic. I’ve
done the research so you won’t have to. Besides my personal experience,
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