The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want

344 Pages·2007·1.67 MB·English

by  Sonja Lyubomirsky

The How of Happiness
The How of Happiness
A Scientific Approach to
Getting the Life You Want
Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D.
THE PENGUIN PRESS
New York
2008
THE PENGUIN PRESS
Published by the Penguin Group
Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, U.S.A. •
Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4P 2Y3 (a
division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) • Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England •
Penguin Ireland, 25 St. Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd) • Penguin
Books Australia Ltd, 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson
Australia Group Pty Ltd) • Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New
Delhi–110 017, India • Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0632, New Zealand
(a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd) • Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd, 24 Sturdee Avenue,
Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa
Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices:
80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England
First published in 2007 by The Penguin Press, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
Copyright © Sonja Lyubomirsky, 2007
All rights reserved
Grateful acknowledgment is made for permission to reprint “The Journey” from Dream Work by
Mary Oliver. Copyright © 1986 by Mary Oliver. Reprinted by permission of Grove/Atlantic, Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Lyubomirsky, Sonja.
The how of happiness : a scientific approach to getting the life you want / Sonja Lyubomirsky.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN: 978-1-1012-0280-7
1. Happiness. I. Title.
BF575.H27L98 2008 2007039942
158—dc22
Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the
copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the
permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic
editions and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrightable materials. Your support of
the author’s rights is appreciated.
To Gabriella and Alexander,
the biggest hows behind
my happiness
THE JOURNEY
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept
shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do— determined to save
the only life that you could save.
—Mary Oliver
CONTENTS
Foreword
Part One
How to Attain Real and Lasting Happiness
1. Is It Possible to Become Happier?
A Program for Lasting Happiness
Do You Know What Makes You Happy?
Discovering the Real Keys to Happiness
The Most Rewarding “Work” You’ll Ever Do
Why Be Happy?
2. How Happy Are You and Why?
Where Do You Fit In?
Happiness Myths
The Limits of Life Circumstances
The Happiness Set Point
The Promise of Intentional Activity
Conclusion
3. How to Find Happiness Activities That Fit Your Interests, Your Values,
and Your Needs
Three Ways That Strategies Can Fit
Corniness, Again
Person-Activity Fit Diagnostic
P.S. More Options
Final Words
Part Two
Happiness Activities
Foreword to Part Two: Before You Begin
4. Practicing Gratitude and Positive Thinking
Happiness Activity No. 1: Expressing Gratitude
Happiness Activity No. 2: Cultivating Optimism
Happiness Activity No. 3: Avoiding Overthinking and Social
Comparison
5. Investing in Social Connections
Happiness Activity No. 4: Practicing Acts of Kindness
Happiness Activity No. 5: Nurturing Social Relationships
6. Managing Stress, Hardship, and Trauma
Happiness Activity No. 6: Developing Strategies for Coping
Happiness Activity No. 7: Learning to Forgive
7. Living in the Present
Happiness Activity No. 8: Increasing Flow Experiences
Happiness Activity No. 9: Savoring Life’s Joys
Final Words
8. Happiness Activity No. 10: Committing to Your Goals
Six Benefits of Committed Goal Pursuit
What Kinds of Goals Should You Pursue?
Recommendations for Committed Goal Pursuit
9. Taking Care of Your Body and Your Soul
Happiness Activity No. 11: Practicing Religion and Spirituality
Happiness Activity No. 12: Taking Care of Your Body (Meditation)
Happiness Activity No. 12: Taking Care of Your Body (Physical
Activity)
Happiness Activity No. 12: Taking Care of Your Body (Acting Like a
Happy Person)
Part Three
Secrets to Abiding Happiness
10. The Five Hows Behind Sustainable Happiness
The First How: Positive Emotion