The Gift of Our Wounds: A Sikh and a Former White Supremacist Find Forgiveness After Hate

185 Pages·2018·2.5 MB·English

by  Arno Michaelis

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Table of Contents
About the Authors
Copyright Page

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This book is dedicated to the people who lost their lives on August 5, 2012,
and all of the victims, past and future, of hatred and violence.
Forgiveness is a sublime example of humanity that I explore at every opportunity. Because it was
the unconditional forgiveness I was given by the people I once claimed to hate that demonstrated the
way from there to here.
—Arno Michaelis
Forgiveness is the ultimate vengeance against hatred. “Ek Onkar” means “Our Creator is One.” It is
in this Sikh foundation that we are being called upon to respond with healing the wounds of the past.
—Pardeep Singh Kaleka
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
PARDEEP
I would like to thank our entire communal family domestically and abroad who
have fostered transformative healing in the aftermath of hate. Because of your
love, our community was uplifted and continues to heal.
It is in the love of my mother, Satpal Kaleka, and father, Satwant Kaleka; and
support of my brother, Amardeep, and the entire Kaleka and Nagra family that I
have had the opportunity to find my purpose and strength. It is in my loving
wife, Jaspreet Kaleka, that I have had the support needed to find my dreams.
And it is in the eyes of my four beautiful children, Amaris, Jai, Rohan, and
Taran, that I have been able to find vision.
This memoir is in deep gratitude for my homeland of Punjab, India, and my
new homeland of America. As a first-generation immigrant raised in Milwaukee,
I have truly been nurtured by countless family, friends, and communities who
affirm that this country and this dream are worth fighting for.
Thanks to Jennifer Benjamin, who one day proposed the idea of writing a
book because she believed in the mission of seeing humanity in one another.
From that spark began a process. Thank you Elizabeth Evans, Jennifer Weltz,
and Karen Wolny for the continuous support and guidance; none of this is
possible without you. Robin Gaby Fisher, you have been our serenity, voice, and
strength, and yes, we are connected for life, just as you told us the first time we
met.
Arno, you have become my brother, confidant, teacher, and personal
therapist. My strength when I felt weak, and a true ally to our small community.
You exemplify both the excellence of Sikhism and the humanity. You model
transformation, and remind us that forgiveness, courage, and compassion start
the process of reclamation.
Our work could not be possible without genuine relationships of mutual love.
Thank you to the entire team at Arts@Large, who have helped Serve 2 Unite
foster peace and empower students and communities to see solutions within
themselves. Today as a therapist, my work could not be possible without the
guidance of my colleagues at D&S Healing, Alma Center, and the Milwaukee
Independent, who remind me that healing the wounds of the past is a gift to us
all.
ARNO
Everything I do is for my daughter. For her, I strive to bring about a society
where all are valued and included, as I want her to be. Everything I am wouldn’t
be possible without the eternal, undaunted love of my mom and dad, and my
little brother. I know I put you all through hell. I can only hope that the work I’m
doing today makes you proud and makes going through said hell at least
somewhat worthwhile. Thank you for never giving up on me.
Massive thanks to Robin Gaby Fisher, for doing all the heavy lifting to make
this book happen, and for the love you’ve given us. And I’ll double down on
thanking Jennifer Benjamin, Elizabeth Evans, Jennifer Weltz, and Karen Wolny
for each having a crucial role in bringing our story to the world.
The entire Kaleka family, and the Sikh community around the world—I am
such a lucky guy to count you all as kinfolk.
Pardeep, we’ve known each other a little over five years now and every day I
find new reasons to be grateful for your friendship and inspired by our
brotherhood. You have taught me so much about what it means to be a man and
what it means to be a human being. At your side, I have realized my life’s dream
of waging peace professionally. Together we have reached so many young
people that I can’t help but feel great about the future they will create.
All of the wonderful students, educators, and Global Mentors who have made
Serve 2 Unite the engine of peace that it is today. You all lift me up when I feel
discouraged, and inspire me to be the best I can be.
Big ups to all of the peacebuilding orgs around the world that I’ve been so
fortunate to collaborate with. Listing all of them and all of the brilliant
individuals therein would be another book unto itself. Maybe the next one.
Finally, I must thank Chris and Melissa Buckley, and their lovely children,
my nephew and niece, CJ and Miera. So proud of all of you!
PROLOGUE
What does hate look like?
Hate looks like the body of a devoted mother of two teenage boys, crumpled
inelegantly on a cold tile floor near the altar where she had been praying
moments before her death. It looks like a young husband and father the way his
little girl last saw him—his face ravaged by the fatal bullet that ripped through
his eye and blew his head apart. And the kindly family man who lay in a
vegetative state, with no hope of awakening, while his wife and children sat at
his bedside praying for a miracle. And the tortured expression of a leader,
mortally wounded, as he tried but failed to save his flock and himself.
Hate looks like the bullet hole in the doorframe leading into the prayer room
at the Sikh Temple of Wisconsin—a vestige of the carnage that took place there
on August 5, 2012, when a troubled man with a distorted view of what America
should look like executed peaceful people inside.
Life goes on. Services still take place at the same time every Sunday.
Congregants continue to worship in the prayer room. All people are welcome to
the langar (kitchen) for the free communal meal. Families who lost loved ones
persevere as they continue to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives.
The bullet hole remains, now enshrined with a tiny plaque inscribed with the
message WE ARE ONE.
The victims were devout souls who strived to follow the tenets of their Sikh
faith to live a meritorious life of honest hard work and service to others and God.
Spiritual beings who graced this earth with love, inspiration, and Chardi Kala.
Translated from Punjabi, the language of the Indian region where the Sikh
religion was founded, Chardi Kala means “relentless optimism.”
So why would anyone seek to harm these good people? Why would someone
take the lives of his fellow human beings with such senseless cruelty?