The FreeMind experience : the three pillars of absolute happiness

175 Pages·2015·1.08 MB·English

by  Mayer

Contents
Acknowledgments
Introduction Planting the Seeds of Possibility
PART I AWAKENING TO THE FREEMIND EXPERIENCE
Chapter 1 The Beginning of FreeMind
Chapter 2 Bringing FreeMind to the World
Chapter 3 The Classic NO Moments: Fear and Resistance from the Very Beginning
Chapter 4 Balancing the Three Pillars
PART II THE FREEMIND PRINCIPLES AND PRACTICES
Introducing the Three Pillars
Pillar 1 FreeMind Peace: Deprogramming
FreeMind Peace Practices
Pillar 2 FreeMind Power: Reprogramming
FreeMind Power Practices
Pillar 3 FreeMind Purpose: Reconnection
FreeMind Purpose Practices
Conclusion: The Seeds Coming into Bloom
Further FreeMind Resources
Endnotes
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
As I sit here considering who I would like to thank, I am marveling at all the
different people who have played a part in bringing this book to fruition. Writing
this book has been a rite of passage in itself and I’ve been shepherded along the
way with such love and support.
First, I would like to thank my mother and father for everything they have
done for me over the years. I am astounded at the love they have shown me and
the support they have given me. I want to thank my sister Deborah for being
such an inspiration, and my brother Paul for always believing in me as a writer
and encouraging me to tell my story. Thanks also to Gail, Ben and Rachael
Fortes Mayer for the love and laughter we always share.
I am deeply grateful for my daughter Portia. Her wild and wonderful spirit is
a source of absolute joy in my life that continuously puts everything into
perspective. I also want to thank Hester Fortes Mayer for the love, friendship,
and commitment she has shown me on our conscious coparenting journey.
I want to honor Mike Trim, Sarah Jarvis, and their glorious children for
showing me the deepest unconditional love during the hardest time of my life.
Your love made everything possible again. And a special thanks to Mike for the
extraordinary musical scores he has painstakingly created for the FreeMind
recordings. Every note is perfect.
I also want to thank Val and Kim Mould for their generosity, belief, and
investment in the FreeMind vision; and Denise McLeod for her endless support
and encouragement. Thanks also to Maneesh Garg for bringing this work to
Nigeria and for teaching me that entrepreneurship is a marathon not a sprint.
Thanks also to Nick Seneca Jankel for the endless debates, which have
sharpened my understanding of everything I believe in.
I am truly grateful to those friends whom I entrusted with my first, and rather
large, manuscript of The FreeMind Experience. Helen Royle, David Morris,
Chris Randall, Leo Lourie, and Liz Rigby: your feedback made all of the
difference. Huge respect must also go to my dear friend Jont who is the world’s
best-kept musical secret and living saint of not giving up. Thanks also to
Brendon Rowen and Helly Perks for the love, laughter, friendship, and general
cheerleading.
I must also thank Tania O’Donnell for spotting me, inviting me to submit,
and then championing this book all the way through to contract and beyond.
That was a blessed and magical beginning to this book. Thanks also to Kelly
Thompson and Sandy Draper for the brilliance, care, and attention that you both
brought to the editing of this book. I am blown away by your dedication. Thanks
also to the countless other people at Watkins who played a part in bringing this
book to light.
Thanks to Bill Haynes and Patrick Boucard from Verridian for their passion
and vision in bringing FreeMind principles and practices to big business.
Thanks must also go to all the different teachers, mentors, and writers who
have made a huge difference in my life. Notably Nisargadatta Maharaj, Ramana
Maharshi, AH Almaas, Osho, Marianne Williamson, Tony Robbins, Jon Hansen,
Roger Linden, Jan Day and Leora Lightwoman.
Special thanks must also go to Rajyo, Britta, Debbie, and Gina from
Celebration of Being. Their beautiful work brought an essential balance to my
life and my work that is with me every single day.
I am astounded at all the people that are a part of this book. All of the
experiences, upsets, challenges, blessings, and chance encounters along the way
that led me to new places, new people, and new understandings. I am grateful for
all of it. I want to finally acknowledge my darling wife Anna. Her love, support,
encouragement, and, at times, patience have been unwavering. For that and for
the loving home we have created I am eternally grateful.
This book is dedicated to those who have the courage to live in truth.
‘This astonishing book shares the simple yet largely forgotten secrets to living a happy life … it’s a dynamic
text book of unfolding consciousness written by someone who has risked all to open his heart … it’s a map
to love and the manual we have all been waiting for’ Susie Anthony, award-winning personal development
author/mentor
‘This is the best emotional intelligence system I have ever come across. It really works for different types of
people’ Dr. Bal Rana PhD, psychologist and senior psychology lecturer
‘This is an astonishingly powerful tool. I have seen patients with long-term issues, who had previously
explored traditional therapies without much success, be totally transformed by FreeMind.’ Dr David
Morris, General Practitioner and acupuncturist
‘Prior to working with Tom, the world was often a cynical, brutal, shallow place. Afterwards, it feels like
the sun has come out in my life; I can feel the warmth on my back, I stand tall and walk forward with
confidence. If, like me, you are lucky enough to get the opportunity to work with Tom, you’ll never look
back.’ Chris Randall, business coach
‘Tom is truly an extraordinary magician of the mind, deftly weaving images, music and words into a
profound experience that transformed my most stubborn of behaviours into new, fresh, healthy ways of
seeing and being. Thank you from the bottom of my now much more healthy heart!’ Tiu De Haan, celebrant
and co-author of the Ripe and Ready book series
‘FreeMind is just, well, there are not the words………………. Imagine all the colours in the world, as bright
as any could be, a big random set of smiles, the sound of good-humoured belly laughter, some doves flying,
the awesome smell of nature, a huge circle of smiling, laughing friends, a loving glance between two people
that could write a book, some amazing food, the birds singing at dawn, the sun rising and then setting all at
once, spring springing, waves lapping, sunshine we all love, the knowing hoot of an age old owl, the
freedom call of power of a male deer in autumn, some happy wagging tails, lolling tongues (dogs not
people), children laughing, the soundless sound of snow flakes falling, people singing, drums drumming,
stars shooting, water tumbling from a waterfall, and a guitar sweetly echoing the emotion of it all. Well
that’s Tom’s work. I thank him from every cell in my body. And I am sure one day, so will the universe.’
Denise McLeod, animal behaviour specialist
‘Tom’s unique, and I would say ground-breaking, approach to success psychology didn’t just teach me a
great deal about myself, but also opened my eyes to a whole new way to thinking about human behaviour in
general … He provides a straightforward, logical and very practical way of approaching self-development,
without any of the wishy-washy psychobabble.’ John Hillman, online marketing consultant
INTRODUCTION
Planting the Seeds of Possibility
‘There is my truth, your truth and the truth and none of them are right.’ Plato
Welcome to the FreeMind Experience. My greatest hope is that you will read
this book and be inspired to make the most of your precious life. Since the year
2000, I have dedicated myself to helping people find ways to live and love their
lives to the full. I have worked with thousands of people in individual sessions,
groups, workshops, conferences, and celebrations. During that time I have
researched all sorts of different tools, techniques, and approaches – many of
which I’ve trialed in the laboratory of my own life – to enable me to develop
some simple and effective principles and practices that help people overcome
their challenges, achieve their goals and enjoy more happiness and success in
their lives.
I am absolutely in awe of humanity and fascinated with the power we have to
change our lives in an instant. Every day I hear extraordinary stories of courage
and resilience, and work with astounding people endeavoring to be their best and
make the world a more beautiful place. However, many others are struggling
against themselves, in conflict, frustrated, and afraid. Sometimes, despite their
best efforts, they are not experiencing any real or lasting change.
The FreeMind Experience is a journey of self-discovery that involves
learning to cherish and believe in yourself more. It is a way of nourishing
yourself so that you can bring yourself into alignment with your greatest values
and unleash your ultimate potential. However, it is not about sitting on top of a
mountain meditating and only eating lentils, renouncing all worldly goods, and
walking the earth barefoot. Instead, the FreeMind principles and practices
combine the practical wisdom from the world’s ancient traditions with the most
effective rapid-behavior-change techniques – tried-and-tested tools, which
anyone can learn to use and easily integrate into daily life to bring about real
lasting change.
THE POWER TO CHANGE
Have you ever wondered what makes some people wake up on one day and
decide to do something different with their lives? And what stops others from
making the kinds of changes that they know will transform their lives for the
better? Why do so many people knowingly block their own happiness on
purpose?
Time and time again I have found, both in my Harley Street practice in
London and working in the wider community, that many of our difficulties arise
from unresolved fear and resistance; it blocks happiness and causes internal and
interpersonal conflict. The process of human development from ‘cradle to grave’
seems to lead many of us to build up resentments, grudges, pains, and panics,
which can end up skewing our feelings about ourselves and others. These fears
make us ready to believe that we are not OK, that the world is not safe, and we
must compete to survive. This combative stance with reality can underpin all
human behaviors and feelings, and can really strip the joy from life. Freeing
your mind from these feelings is what the FreeMind Experience is about.
This process starts by thinking about some big questions. For example, you
might start by thinking about where you are in your life right now, and then
asking yourself the following questions:
Have you given up or dismissed a dream as being impossible?
*
Are you truly being yourself in all that you do?
*
Do you have total openness and honesty in all your relationships?
*
What is that one thing you want to say to someone, but haven’t yet found the courage to say?
*
Are you excited by life?
*
Are you resilient in the face of difficulty?
*
Does your work reflect your highest ideals and your greatest potential?
*
Are you totally in love with yourself?
*
Or, perhaps everything in your life is working well but you have an intuitive
feeling that you have an untapped power waiting to be unleashed, a clarity
aching to be expressed, a compassion waiting to be shared, extraordinary skills
waiting to be crafted, a deeper peace and happiness waiting to be explored. So
imagine for a moment what it would be to return to the very center of your
being, and pull together the ashes of any forgotten dreams. To remember the
echo of an ancient calling within you to make the most of this most exquisite
life.
I have seen many people living out difficult and painful lives, who have
forgotten the simple things that make living in this world worthwhile. Forgetting
the richest joys that can be found in our deepest craving for awe and
wonderment – the great adventure for true self-expression.
THE UNIVERSAL TRUTHS OF HAPPINESS
For many years I wasn’t on a path of self-discovery. I wasn’t a spiritual seeker –
far from it. I was brought up a devout atheist, and had no leaning toward one
school of thought over another. However, a truly life-changing event in 2000
inspired me to understand more about the human condition and our capacity to
change. I’ll describe this epiphany in the next chapter (see page 3) but when I
had, what I now call that ‘FreeMind Experience,’ a deep sense of natural
happiness welled up inside me and the course of my life changed in an instant. I
was so inspired by the power of that moment of bliss, I devoted the rest of my
life to researching and understanding how to be happy; and how to create
paradigm-shifting experiences for others. To better understand contentment and
the human condition, I studied the ancient and modern wisdom traditions,
including philosophy, spirituality, theology, and psychology.
In that time, I discovered some amazing things about happiness, but I also
became painfully aware that many schools of thought were dogmatic,
prescriptive, and hypocritical, while many of the new-age type approaches were
oversentimental and unscientific. I knew that many people are put off by that
stuff, and it made me wonder how many people throw out the wisdom baby with
the spiritual bathwater. The simple truth is that all these different models of
happiness seem to say the same thing.
There is a more enlightened way of being that is full of
peace, love and happiness.
Soon I noticed a number of other universal truths or principles, corroborated
across different times and cultures, spiritual traditions and religions. These
principles and practices go by many different names, in all sorts of different
cultures and models, but they essentially seem to point to the same important
truths.
1. There is a state of enlightenment that we can all connect to. This state of being is essentially a very
powerful and peaceful mindset, which enables us to love ourselves, and others, unconditionally.
2. We connect to this state of enlightenment, or freedom, when we transcend our conditioned and limited
sense of self (our ego). When we accept and love every part of ourselves, and at the same time no
longer identify with the fear and resistance of our personality, then we can experience real and lasting
happiness.
3. Overcoming the fear and resistance of our personality involves some form of practice or process.
Different cultures have very different ideas about this, but whether it is spinning like a whirling dervish,
dancing tribally, praying, meditating or taking psychedelic plants in the jungle all of the wisdom
traditions agree that transcendence involves some process of evolving our perspective beyond our
limited sense of self.
4. There are ways of living together that support positive and unconditional ways of relating to each other
so that we are more likely to be peaceful and happy. Loving communities built on principles of
compassion, collaboration, non-competition, self-expression, creativity, and regular celebration help us
to be happy.
From these four simple truths, I started to build the Three Pillars of FreeMind,
which I’ll share on pages xx–xxi, but first I had to discover the many reasons
that make it more likely that we find it difficult to embrace these four simple
truths and so struggle with life in some way.
WHY WE STRUGGLE
All the wisdom traditions clarify that living in a society that focuses on
individualization, separation, and isolation is the quickest way to make everyone
miserable. The Western model of civilization is a million miles from the
enlightened description of how best to live together happily (see point 4 above).
What’s more, our aggressive animal instincts and competitive social
hierarchy means we are tuned to interpret reality from a fear-based survival
perspective. In turn, this can lead us to see life as being, on the whole,
threatening and challenging; and this fundamental resistance to life underpins all
of our difficulties. It can lead us to believe that we are not OK, and that the
world is hostile and dangerous. Situations start to occur whereby we start to say
‘NO’ to life and ourselves. I refer to these times as ‘NO moments,’ and over
time they build up. We become more fearful, resistant, and judgmental; and our
overall view of life can become negative.
Caught up in a NO state of fear and resentment, we block our happiness. For
example, you may worry on some level about everything. You might be overly
concerned about what others say, think, and do. Or maybe you don’t notice any
fear because you don’t allow yourself to stop and feel anything. You may simply