Table Of ContentPraise for the extraordinary gift of being ordinary
“Brilliant and accessible, The Extraordinary Gift of Being Ordinary gets
to the very core of our human suffering and offers wise and helpful
practices for taming our striving, comparing minds. The peace and
contentment we long for arise naturally as we wake up from the
limiting stories that habitually confine us, and begin to trust the
truth of who we really are.”
—TARA BRACH, PHD, author of Trusting the Gold
“In Zen, one of the highest accomplishments is to be ordinary. This
means not to compare ourselves, but to be free to be authentic and
real. In a wise and loving way, Dr. Siegel shows us how.”
—JACK KORNFIELD, PHD, author of
After the Ecstasy, the Laundry
“This is an insightful, well-written, and extremely useful guide
to finding happiness in the midst of imperfection. Chock full of
practical exercises alongside easy-to-digest nuggets of wisdom, this
book will help you let go of shame and negative self-judgments and
instead embrace who you are with compassion.”
—KRISTIN NEFF, PHD, coauthor of
The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook
“It feels so freeing to just stop comparing myself to other people,
even for a little while. Dr. Siegel’s writing is compassionate, funny,
and insightful. I’ve never been so glad to be ‘ordinary.’ ”
—SUSIE F., Boston
“Dr. Siegel shows how the world lures us with the shiny object called
happiness, then hooks us. We spend our lives pulling and tugging,
only to get more deeply caught in cycles of suffering. But we can
unhook ourselves and swim in a different direction—toward a more
achievable level of well-being, fed by connection and compassion.
This book is written from deep personal wisdom and vast clinical
experience.”
—JUDSON BREWER, MD, PHD, author of
Unwinding Anxiety
“Dr. Siegel’s message—there’s joy in ordinariness and even in fail-
ure—gave me a boost of self-acceptance to step forward in my
career. Dr. Siegel gracefully dismantled my ego as if he were peel-
ing layers of an onion. His book gave me the courage to endure
failure, feel less preoccupied with other people’s opinions, and cel-
ebrate the imperfections that used to keep me up at night.”
—CODY R., Seattle
“Freeing us from toxic self-criticism and shame, this powerful book
is an opening into deep self-acceptance, self-worth, and inner peace.
Dr. Siegel’s warmth fills every page, along with insights and prac-
tical suggestions from his decades as a world-class therapist. With
many examples and lots of brief experiential practices, he brings
together current science, soulful wisdom, and his own humorous
and down-to-earth perspective. Really a gem, this is a book both
for help in the darkest night and for general guidance along the long
road of life.”
—RICK HANSON, PHD, author of Resilient
“Deploying his rare mastery of mindfulness approaches, reinforced
by decades of insight as a psychotherapist, Dr. Siegel offers reliable,
effective, and simple guidance to escape what he aptly calls ‘the trap
of self-evaluation’—a trap all too familiar to many of us.”
—GABOR MATÉ, MD, author of In the Realm
of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction
the extraordinary gift of being ordinary
also available
For General Readers
THE MINDFULNESS SOLUTION:
EVERYDAY PRACTICES FOR EVERYDAY PROBLEMS
Ronald D. Siegel
For Professionals
MINDFULNESS AND PSYCHOTHERAPY,
SECOND EDITION
Edited by Christopher Germer, Ronald D. Siegel,
and Paul R. Fulton
SITTING TOGETHER: ESSENTIAL SKILLS
FOR MINDFULNESS-BASED PSYCHOTHERAPY
Susan M. Pollak, Thomas Pedulla, and Ronald D. Siegel
WISDOM AND COMPASSION IN PSYCHOTHERAPY:
DEEPENING MINDFULNESS IN CLINICAL PRACTICE
Edited by Christopher Germer and Ronald D. Siegel
the
extraordinary
gift of being
ordinary
FINDING HAPPINESS RIGHT
WHERE YOU ARE
Dr. RONALD D. SIEGEL
THE GUILFORD PRESS
New York London
Copyright © 2022 Ronald D. Siegel
Published by The Guilford Press
A Division of Guilford Publications, Inc.
370 Seventh Avenue, Suite 1200, New York, NY 10001
www.guilford.com
All rights reserved
The information in this volume is not intended as a substitute for
consultation with healthcare professionals. Each individual’s health concerns
should be evaluated by a qualified professional.
Purchasers of this book have permission to copy exercises, where indicated
by footnotes, for personal use or use with clients. These exercises may be
copied from the book or accessed directly from the publisher’s website, but
may not be stored on or distributed from intranet sites, Internet sites, or
file- sharing sites, or made available for resale. No other part of this book
may be reproduced, translated, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted,
in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
microfilming, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from
the publisher.
See page 286 for terms of use for audio files.
Printed in the United States of America
This book is printed on acid-free paper.
Last digit is print number: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in- Publication Data is available from the
publisher.
ISBN 978-1-4625-3835-5 (paperback) — ISBN 978-1-4625-4854-5
(hardcover)
The following publishers have generously given permission to reprint or
adapt material from copyrighted works:
“Reclaim Your Brain” by Susan Pollak. Copyright © 2018 Susan
Pollak. Adapted by permission.
Teaching the Mindful Self- Compassion Program by Christopher Germer
and Kristin Neff. Copyright © 2019 The Guilford Press. Adapted by
permission.
“With That Moon Language” in Love Poems from God, edited by
Daniel Ladinsky. Copyright © 2002 Penguin. Reprinted by permission.
“The Cloud in the Sheet of Paper” in Being Peace by Thich Nhat
Hanh. Copyright © 1988, 2020 Parallax Press. Reprinted by permission.
“Positive Psychology and the Bodhisattva Path” by Charles Styron,
in Mindfulness and Psychotherapy (2nd ed.), edited by Christopher Germer,
Ronald D. Siegel, and Paul R. Fulton. Copyright © 2013 The Guilford
Press. Adapted by permission.
contents
AUTHOR’S NOTE vii
PREFACE ix
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS xiii
The Self- Evaluation Trap
PART I
ONE are we doomed? 3
TWO it’s Darwin’s fault 21
The Essential Toolkit
PART II
THREE the liberating power of mindfulness 33
FOUR discovering who we really are 44
Catching Ourselves in the Act
PART III
FIVE the failure of success 63
SIX resisting selfie-e steem 82
v
