The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Kama Sutra

385 Pages·2000·12.37 MB·English

by  Johanna Wikoff

The Kama
Sutra
by Johanina Wikoff, Ph.D.,
and Deborah S. Romaine
A Pearson Education Company
201 West 103rd Street
Indianapolis, IN 46290
Copyright © 2000 by Amaranth
All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval sys-
tem, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording,
or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. No patent liability is as-
sumed with respect to the use of the information contained herein. Although every
precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher and authors
assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for
damages resulting from the use of information contained herein. For information, ad-
dress Alpha Books, 201 West 103rd Street, Indianapolis, IN 46290.
THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO and Design are registered trademarks of
Pearson Education, Inc.
International Standard Book Number: 0-02-863900-6
Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: Available upon request.
02 01 00 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Interpretation of the printing code: The rightmost number of the first series of num-
bers is the year of the book’s printing; the rightmost number of the second series of
numbers is the number of the book’s printing. For example, a printing code of 00-1
shows that the first printing occurred in 2000.
Printed intheUnited States ofAmerica
Note:This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its authors. It is intended to
provide helpful and informative material on the subject matter covered. It is sold with
the understanding that the authors, book producer, and publisher are not engaged in
rendering professional services in the book. If the reader requires personal assistance
or advice, a competent professional should be consulted.
The authors, book producer, and publisher specifically disclaim any responsibility for
any liability, loss or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence,
directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this book.
Publisher
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Product Manager
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Managing Editor
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Book Producer
Lee Ann Chearney/Amaranth
Development Editor
Lynn Northrup
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Illustrator
Wendy Frost
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Contents at a Glance
Part 1: The Book of Love 1
1 Who Wrote the Book of Love? 3
A brief history of the Kama Sutra.
2 Morality Rules 15
The moral codes of ancient India.
3 Eastern Philosophy, Western Style 27
Of bodies and energy.
4 Pleasing the Body, Nurturing the Spirit 39
Connections between the body and the mind.
Part 2: What Does Love Have to Do With It? 53
5 Everybody Needs Somebody 55
Why we seek a relationship.
6 The “C” Word (Commitment) 69
What commitment really means, and why it matters in
lovemaking.
7 Great Expectations 83
Looking at your body in a new way.
8 Navigating Troubled Waters 97
The challenges of a relationship and how they affect sex-
ual loving.
Part 3: Friends and Lovers 109
9 The Importance of Trust 111
The correlation between trust and intimacy.
10 Tell Me What You Want 121
Learning to ask for, receive, and give pleasure.
11 Keep the Fires Burning 135
Ways to keep the passion alive in your relationship.
Part 4: Bodies Beautiful 149
12 Her Body 151
Understanding the female body and how it works.
13 His Body 167
Understanding the male body and how it works.
14 When Bodies Unite 181
What happens, physically and emotionally, during sexual
intercourse and orgasm.
15 Kama Sutra Safe Sex 101 191
Ways to enjoy protected sexual loving.
Part 5: The Art of Loving 205
16 The Language of Sexual Love 207
What we say—and don’t say—when making love.
17 The Power of Ritual in Lovemaking 217
Establish a sense of the sacred in your sexual loving
through ritual.
18 Kiss Me, Hold Me, Touch Me 229
Kisses, embraces, and caresses.
19 Joyful Union 241
Sexual unions, Kama Sutra style.
20 Advanced Adventures 255
More sexual unions, Kama Sutra style.
21 After the Loving 265
Staying connected after sexual loving.
Part 6: Beyond the Kama Sutra 273
22 Pregnancy and the Kama Sutra 275
Adapting the Kama Sutra to encourage pregnancy, and
during pregnancy.
23 You’re Never Too Old for the Kama Sutra 287
Keeping the Kama Sutra a part of your life through the
changes of aging.
24 More Stages of Love: The Ananga Ranga 297
Sexual loving from another ancient Indian love text.
25 Tantra and Tantric Sex 311
The joys of spiritual sex.
26 The Future of Sexual Loving 325
Using the Kama Sutra to keep sexual loving alive and
exciting in a relationship.
Appendixes
A Glossary 333
B Resources 341
Index 345
Contents
Part 1: The Book of Love 1
1 Who Wrote the Book of Love? 3
Beyond the Birds and the Bees ....................................................4
The Kama Sutra: 2,000 Years and Still Going Strong ..................5
Time and Place: The Kama Sutra’s Historical Context ................5
Ancient Hindu Culture: Passionate Loving......................................6
Castes and Social Status: Everyone in the Proper Place ..................7
Polygamy, Concubines, and Courtesans ........................................7
Other Partnerships ........................................................................8
Sexual Love in Other Cultures ......................................................8
Enlightening the Eastern World: Vatsyayana ..............................9
The Laws of Life: Artha, Kama, and Dharma ..............................10
The Rules of Love ........................................................................10
Enlightening the Western World: Sir Richard Burton ................11
Transcending Time and Place ....................................................13
2 Morality Rules 15
First Things First: Education and Etiquette ................................16
A Prescription for Living ............................................................17
Preserving the Social Order..........................................................17
Of Marriage and Morality ..........................................................18
Forbidden Love ............................................................................18
Acknowledging and Honoring the Feminine ............................19
Ancient Ways in Modern Times ..................................................20
What Does Sexual Morality Mean to You? ................................22
Your Sexual Morality: A Self-Exploration ......................................22
Assessing Your Attitudes and Values ............................................25
3 Eastern Philosophy, Western Style 27
Blending Dualities ......................................................................28
May the Life Force Be with You: Prana ......................................29
Breathing in Harmony: Two Exercises ..........................................30
The Wheels of Energy Keep on Rolling: Chakras ......................31
Opposites Attract ........................................................................33
Yin: The Feminine Mystique ........................................................33
Yang: The Energy of Virility..........................................................34
In Union with the Universe ........................................................35
Learning to Be Spiritually Intimate ............................................35
“Into Me, You See” ......................................................................36
Reuniting Sexuality and Spirituality ............................................37
4 Pleasing the Body, Nurturing the Spirit 39
What’s Good for the Body Is Good for the Soul ........................40
Activate Your Senses ....................................................................41
Touch Me, Feel Me ......................................................................42
Eyes Wide Open ..........................................................................44
Love Sounds ................................................................................46
Taste and Texture ........................................................................47
The Aromas of Love ....................................................................48
Cultivate Mindfulness ................................................................50
Part 2: What Does Love Have to Do With It? 53
5 Everybody Needs Somebody 55
Sex and Love: Basic Human Needs ............................................56
The Drive to Have Sex..................................................................57
The Quest for Love ......................................................................59
When Souls Connect ..................................................................60
The Myth of Love ........................................................................61
The Power of Ritual ....................................................................62
Finding Your Soul Mate ..............................................................63
The Search for a Soul Mate ..........................................................63
The Mystery of Love ....................................................................64
When You Are Alone ..................................................................65
Get Comfortable with Yourself ....................................................65
When Love Eludes You ................................................................67
Learning to Love Yourself ............................................................67
Touching the Dream Lover in You (or Your Partner) ................67
6 The “C” Word (Commitment) 69
Why Commitment Matters ........................................................70
Commitment as Process ..............................................................70
Committing to Grow Together ......................................................71
What’s in a Name? My Significant Other, My Life Partner,
My Spouse … ............................................................................71
A Self-Quiz: What’s Your Commitment Quotient? ....................73
Commitment Anxiety ................................................................74
Keeping the “U” in “Us” ............................................................76
The Many Faces of Relationships ................................................76
Monogamy: One on One Through the Ages ..............................77
The Fidelity Factor ......................................................................78
Is Monogamy a Natural Human State? ........................................78
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Kama Sutra
Polygamy: Extending the Commitment ....................................79
Group Marriages and Communes ................................................79
Is Polygamy “Right” for Some People? ..........................................80
It’s Not Always Opposites that Attract ........................................80
7 Great Expectations 83
Shaping Your Body Image ..........................................................84
The Super Body Complex ............................................................84
The Shifting Influences of Culture and Fashion ............................85
What’s Your Type? ......................................................................86
The Body Beautiful: A Self-Quiz ..................................................87
What Worries Men About Their Bodies ........................................88
What Worries Women About Their Bodies ..................................89
A Self-Exploration: What Do You Expect? ..................................90
Unwrapping the Package ............................................................91
What’s Under the Covers May Surprise You ..................................91
Are You Ready to Lose Your Inhibitions? ......................................92
Loving Looking at Your Body (and Your Partner’s, Too) ............93
How Do You Think Your Partner Feels About Your Body?..............93
How Does Your Partner Actually Feel About Your Body?................94
How Do You Feel About Your Partner’s Body? ..............................94
The Kama Sutra Can Help You Make Love to (and with)
Your Body ..................................................................................94
Loving Changes ..........................................................................95
8 Navigating Troubled Waters 97
Affairs of the Heart … or the Brain? ..........................................97
Sexpectations ..............................................................................98
The Hazards of What We Think We Know ..................................98
How Good Should Sex Be? ..........................................................99
Does Familiarity Breed Discontent? ..............................................99
Why Relationships Get into Trouble ........................................100
Does Everything Have to Be About Sex? ..................................100
The Pain of Betrayal ..................................................................101
Setting Boundaries ....................................................................102
A Self-Quiz: How Is Your Relationship Doing? ........................102
Rediscovering Desire by Rediscovering Yourself ......................103
Do You Need Sex Therapy? ......................................................104
What Therapy Can Do to Help ..................................................105
What Therapy Cannot Do for You ............................................105
What to Expect from Therapy ....................................................105
viii
Contents
Choosing a Therapist ................................................................106
Sex, Marriage, or Family: What Kind of Therapy
Is Right for You? ......................................................................107
Restoring Your Relationship ......................................................107
How the Kama Sutra Can Help ................................................108
Part 3: Friends and Lovers 109
9 The Importance of Trust 111
Defining Trust ............................................................................111
The Three Faces of Trust ............................................................112
Trust, Intimacy, and Relationships ............................................112
What Trust Means to You: A Self-Exploration ..........................113
Your Relationship’s Foundation ................................................114
Building Trust ..........................................................................114
Can Friends Be Lovers and Lovers Be Friends? ........................115
Expressing Emotions ................................................................116
When Trust Is Threatened ........................................................117
Concern Without Confrontation ................................................118
Trusting Again ..........................................................................118
Embracing Trust with Your Partner ..........................................119
10 Tell Me What You Want 121
Looking Out from Within ........................................................122
Learning How to Say It ..............................................................123
Learning How to Hear It ............................................................124
Silence Can Speak Louder than Words ......................................124
A Self-Quiz: How Well Do You Communicate with
Your Partner? ..........................................................................125
Shifting Gender Roles ................................................................127
She Said, He Said: The Fine Art of Dialogue ............................127
Just Like Sex, Conversation Is an Exchange of Energy ................127
Asking for What You Want ......................................................128
Tendering Response and Feedback ..............................................129
Who Has the Power? ................................................................130
Does Control Really Matter? ......................................................130
A Delicate Balance ....................................................................131
Intercept and Decode Mixed Messages ....................................132
What Do You Want to Change? ..............................................133
Using the Kama Sutra to Improve Your Partnership ................134
ix