The Best of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader

670 Pages·2002·2.77 MB·English

by  Bathroom Readers' Institute

The
BEST
of
Uncle John’s
BATHROOM
®
READER
The
BEST
of
Uncle John’s
BATHROOM
READER
The Bathroom Readers’
Institute
Bathroom Reader’s Press
Ashland, Oregon
THE BEST OF UNCLE JOHN’S BATHROOM READER
Copyright © 1995 by The Bathroom Readers’ Press (a division of Portable Press). All rights reserved. No
part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except
in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. “Bathroom Reader” is a federally
registered trademark of Baker & Taylor, Inc. “Uncle John” is a trademark of Baker & Taylor, Inc.
For information, write The Bathroom Readers’ Institute,
P. O. Box 1117, Ashland, OR 97520 www.bathroomreader.com
Cover Design by Michael Brunsfeld
ISBN-13: 978-1-6071-0677-7
Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 95-79394
27 26 25 24 23 07 08 09 10 11
“Why Your Feet Smell,” by Teo Furtado. Copyright © 1994. Reprinted by permission of the author.
“The Great T.P. Shortage,” by Ralph Schoenstein. Copyright © 1974. Reprinted by permission of the
author.
“King of Farts,” excerpted from It’s a Gas: A Study of Flatulence, by Eric S. Rabkin, Ph. D. and Eugene M.
Silverman, M.D., Manticore Books. 3644 Creekside Dr., Ann Arbor, MI 48105. Reprinted by permission of
the authors.
“Elvis’s Toothbrush” originally appeared in Meet the Stars. Copyright © 1985, by Missy Laws. Reprinted
by permission of Ross Books.
“You Can Collect Toilet Paper,” originally appeared in Antique & Collecting Magazine. Copyright © 1990,
by Harry L. Rinker. Reprinted by permission of the author.
“Supermarket Secrets,” originally appeared in Nutrition Action Health Letter of the Center for Science in
the Public Interest. Copyright © 1995, by David Schardt. Reprinted by permission of the publisher.
“Birth of the Bikini,” “Fabulous Flops,” “The Mini-Skirt Saga,” “Mustang: Car of the ’60s,” “How
Pantyhose Hatched,” originally appeared in 60s!. Copyright © 1983, by John and Gordon Javna. Reprinted
by permission of the authors.
“M*A*S*H,” “I Love Lucy,” “Star Trek,” “The Twilight Zone,” “Gilligan’s Island,” “Lost In Space,”
“Batman on TV,” “The Three Stooges” originally appeared in Cult TV. Copyright © 1985, by John Javna.
Reprinted by permission of the author.
“Louie, Louie,” “The Magic Dragon,” “Layla,” “The Monster Mash.” “First Hits,” “Real Life Songs”
originally appeared in Behind the Hits. Copyright © 1985, by B. Shannon and J. Javna. Reprinted by
permission of the authors.
“The Birds” originally appeared in Animal Superstars. Copyright © 1985, by John Javna. Reprinted by
permission of the author.
“Doo-Wop Sounds” originally appeared in The Doo-Wop Sing-Along Songbook. Copyright © 1985 by J.
Javna. Reprinted by permission of the author.
Selections from Primetime Proverbs. Copyright ©1989 by Jack Mingo and John Javna. Reprinted by
permission of the authors.
“Marilyn,” “Elvis Lives” originally appeared in It’s a Conspiracy! by the National Insecurity Council. Text
© 1992 by Michael Litchfield. Published by EarthWorks Press. Reprinted by permission of EarthWorks
Press.
THANK YOU!
The Bathroom Readers’ Institute sincerely thanks the people whose
advice and assistance made this book possible.
John Javna
John Dollison
Lenna Lebovich
Gordon Javna
Erik Linden
Jack Mingo
Melissa Schwarz
Sharilyn Hovind
Susan LaCroix
Larry Kelp
Andy Sohn
Michael Brunsfeld
Sherry Powell
Amber James
Benjamin Brand
Brad Bunnin
Lori Emerson
Gordon Van Gelder
Eric Lefcowitz
Leni Litonjua
Julie Roeming
Gordon Javna
Lonnie Kirk
Paul Stanley
Bennie Slomski
Gordon Javna
Thomas Crapper
Jesse & Sophie, B.R.I.T.
…and all the bathroom readers
Hi to Emily and Molly!
P. S. THANKS FOR ALL THE LETTERS!
Here’s one of our all-time favorites (No kidding—someone really sent this to us)
…
Uncle John,
It was a strain writing, but now that we’ve started, it’s a relief, I’m sure the
feeling will pass, so being brief, we’d like to “sit down and be counted”—it has
really bowled us over! We were unable to flush out any discrepancies….Well,
that about wipes it up.
—Mike and Dan M., Colora, Maryland
Uncle John’s Handy Reference Guide
Here’s a book-by-book list of the chapters in The Best of Uncle John’s
Bathroom Reader. It wasn’t easy picking our favorites…we hope you like
them. If you do…check out Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader vol. 1-7!
The following articles are from Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader.
Copyright © 1988, by the Bathroom Readers’ Institute. Reprinted by
arrangement with St. Martin’s Press.
Word Play p. 65
Doo-Wop Sounds
Holy Punctuation
Superstitions
Be My Valentine
Customs
The Magic Dragon
The “Louie, Louie” Story
Gilligan’s Island
Star Trek
The Twilight Zone
I Love Lucy
Nixon Sez
Mustang: Car of the ’60s
Groucho Sez
Quotes from JFK
Allenisms
The Monopoly Story
Toy Origins
Hula Hoop
What a Doll
Elvis’s Toothbrush
Junk Food Controversy
Fabulous Food Flops
Bathroom Lore
Birth of the Bikini
Car Names
Name That Food p. 416
Cary Grant, Acid-Head
Lost in Space
Myth America p. 21
Word Play p. 23
A Food is Born p. 27
Hot Dog!
On the Ballot
Campaign Smears
M*A*S*H
Mark Twain Sez
Selections also appear in:
Rumors p. 439
Famous for 15 Minutes p. 26
Wordplay pp. 471-2
Familiar Names pp. 79-80
Famous for 15 Minutes pp. 280-81
GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE
In Lynch Heights, Delaware, a woman filed for divorce because her husband
“regularly put itching powder in her underwear when she wasn’t looking.”
The following articles are from Uncle John’s Second Bathroom Reader.
Copyright © 1989, by the Bathroom Readers’ Institute. Reprinted by
arrangement with St. Martin’s Press.
Real Names
Limericks
Diner Lingo
Road Kill
The Story of Layla
The Three Stooges
The Patented Car
Fabulous Flops p. 463
Come Up and See Me…
W.C. Fields Sez
Lily Tomlin Says…
Vonnegut Says…
Will Power
The Birds
The Last Word
Myth America p. 181
Myth America p. 102
Thomas Crapper: Myth or Hero
Baseball Names
Football Names
Inside Mother Goose
The Gumby Story
The Birth of Kleenex
Money Talk
The Origin of Levi’s
Monster Movies
The Miniskirt Saga
How Pantyhose Hatched
Dumb Predictions
America’s Nostradamus
Yogi Sez
Diner Lore
The Name Is Familiar
The Origin of Frankenstein
Around the House
Famous For 15 Minutes p. 198
Their Real Names
But They’d Never Been There