Table Of ContentThe Alcohol Memoirs:
A Fun Place for Drunks
Drug Users, and Voyeurs by Misty J. Moreton ©
Copyright 2017 Misty J. Moreton ISBN 978-1-63393-
564-8
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a
retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic,
mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in
printed reviews, without the prior written permission of the author.
The publisher and the author do not condone harmful use of alcohol, drugs, and
other substances, nor do we condone any illegal acts brought about by the
consumption of alcohol and drugs. These stories were shared by people whose
names have been changed and whose moral character and memories might be
unreliable. The stories have been lightly edited to remove salacious or
gratuitously offensive content and grammar. We promote the wise use of the
human brain and all adult substances.
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DEDICATION
I am eternally grateful to CL and BP, otherwise I never would have found
out how many amazing and interesting people I have “met” on the Internet and
the endless amounts of things there are to talk about.
This book is dedicated to every single one of you.
I have never been so caught off guard or laughed so hard, but most
importantly I learned the valuable lesson that snap judgement will blind you
from enlightenment.
Don’t ever forget, you have no idea who you are sitting next to at the bar or
who is on the other end of that website. Literally.
THE ALCOHOL MEMOIRS is collection of true stories, as they
were remembered, recounted, and submitted by real people from all over the
United States. I have spent thousands of hours compiling, editing, and
organizing, but I have only altered them for clarity, grammar, and taste in order
to preserve their authenticity.
Otherwise, they are 100 percent true.
These tales range from tame and slightly innocent to shocking infidelity—
the types of secrets that people usually take to their grave. But now they have
been given the opportunity to confess anonymously.
Some of the stories are graphically sexual, and there quite a few people who
have stayed in the closet, so to speak, but have had secretive homosexual
encounters. The contributors are as normal as your neighbor—the man sitting on
the subway next to you, some woman’s husband who stands behind you in line
at the grocery store buying an anniversary card for his wife, your child’s best
friend’s parents, or even your local politician
This is far from G-rated; it is actually closer to XXX-rated. If you are easily
offended or have a weak constitution, please proceed with caution. This is not a
recommendation or a glamorization of alcohol, its effects, or its consequences.
In May of 2016, I was finishing a bottle of wine when all of a sudden, I had
this fabulous idea. I was thinking of a recent night after a long night of drinking
and partying with some friends at a bar and some of the outrageous things I did,
and I was feeling borderline ashamed but amused at the same time.
I decided to try and collect stories from real people about what kind of
trouble they had gotten into or crazy things they had done while drinking and
what ensued or resulted from their wild nights.
I have had hundreds of drunken, blurry, and black-out nights, where I had
to hear about what I did from other people who did remember. Those are always
interesting, frequently embarrassing, and yet I continue to get away with my
outrageous behavior. Surrounding yourself with friends who understand what
black-outs are and commonly start stories with; “Well, I can’t remember
anything after we did those 3 shots . . . ” also helps quite a bit.
My stories are hidden amongst the others since it’s not really fair for
everyone else to bare their soul and not me. But I tried to keep everyone’s story
as anonymous as I could, including mine.
So, I wrote hundreds of ads in every major city in the US on various
websites, and then I went out for the night to drink more. I had a great night, but
deep down I was so excited to get back home and read all of the emails I was
going to get that I actually tried to stay sober enough to drive myself home. I had
expected to get a few funny emails and that it was going to take a year or more
to get enough stories and to add my own and put a book together.
I had no idea what I was getting into.
When I checked my email my jaw literally dropped. I had gotten over 500
responses in just a few hours! I was mesmerized as I scrolled through the
messages. Hundreds of people had sent me their deepest secret drunken
confessions. They were graphic, shocking, hilarious and they definitely exceeded
my wildest expectations. I swear that there aren’t enough words in the thesaurus
to accurately describe them all.
I am not a doctor or a critic, and am not particularly qualified to add
commentary to any of these stories, but I am a woman, and a drinker, and, for
the most part, open-minded. So, my comments are just what they are, just
comments.
And so, The Alcohol Memoirs, was born.
Enjoy . . .
TABLE OF CONTENTS
WRONG BED AND OTHER ADVENTURES
YOUR FRIENDLY POLICE
LIGHTS OUT
LAUNDRY THIEF
HUGGING THE PORCELAIN THRONE
LOST IN L.A.
YAK
BEACH STREET DRINKING CLUB
COSPLAY
CHEERS AND BEERS
HAIRY SITUATION
DRUNKEN HIJINKS
LOST IN LA
CHIPS
LAW AND DISORDER
SOUTH OF THE BORDER
FIREWORKS
BEACH SURPRISE
BAY TO BREAKERS STREAK
WHEN IN BOISE
MIXING DRINKS
ACID TRIP
PERFORMING FOR AN AUDIENCE
JOLLY GREEN GIANT
IT’S ONLY ROCK AND ROLL
ROCK OUT
BEEN A WHILE
HOLE IN ONE
STEPS
911
NO REGRETS
MISSED CONNECTION
CAR HIJINKS
BLACKOUT
THERE’S AN APP FOR THAT
NAVY TALES
PRANK
TAXPAYER MONEY
BIRTHDAY BOY
OUT IN THE COLD
SPELUNKING
SWINGERS
CHILI
DANGEROUS TIMES
LESSON LEARNED
SHOOT-OUT
THE BOSS
TEETH TALE
THE TROUBLE WITH BOOTS
WALKING HOME
IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?
TRAIN TRACKS TALE
TOON TALE
HAUNTED HOUSE
PLAY BALL
A TAIWAN ADVENTURE
SMOOTH MOVES
CHIMNEY TALE
WILD NIGHTS
THE BACHELOR PARTY
BLACKOUT
TRUCK RACING
BROTHERLY LOVE
TIJUANA ADVENTURE
MOTHER AND DAUGHTER
STRIP CLUBS
ENTANGLEMENTS
ASHLEY MADISON
TOWEL TALE
THE VOYEUR
ALL TIED UP
FROM A VIETNAM VET
REVENGE
LUCKY ROCK
THE DUDE FROM NEW LONDON
CHICKEN AND BACON
THE POWER OF REINVENTION
DATE-NIGHT SURPRISE
THE NAKED MULE
SLEEPING TALES
BUTT GUTT
Description:Remember that one company Christmas party where you drank twelve shots of tequila and three Long Island Iced Teas? And then ended up dancing naked on the conference table, only to pass out face-first in your boss's wife's lap? And remember later that year, when your co-workers brought it up in front
