Table Of ContentSabotaged Love: The 12 Archetypes Keeping You From The Love You Want
© Kelsey Grant 2014 �1
Sabotaged Love: The 12 Archetypes Keeping You From The Love You Want
Contents
Introduction ——————————————————————————— 3
Chapter 1: The Red Light Runner —————————————————— 8
Chapter 2: The Stage 5 Clinger ——————————————————— 13
Chapter 3: The Avoiding Fantasizer ————————————————— 18
Chapter 4: The Bait and Switch ——————————————————— 22
Chapter 5: The Stonewaller ————————————————————— 29
Chapter 6: The Dreamer —————————————————————— 34
Chapter 7: The Love Martyr ————————————————————— 40
Chapter 8: The Experienced Warrior ————————————————— 47
Chapter 9: The Pedestal ——————————————————————- 52
Chapter 10: The Sassy Minx ————————————————————- 57
Chapter 11: The Go Getter —————————————————————- 64
Chapter 12: The Chase and Dodge —————————————————- 70
Afterword ————————————————————————————— 77
About The Author ————————————————————————— 79
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© Kelsey Grant 2014 �2
Sabotaged Love: The 12 Archetypes Keeping You From The Love You Want
Introduction
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Love, we seek it, we’re curious about it, we’re confused about it, we understand it, we reject it,
we love it, we are addicted to it, we desire it and above all else we want it and want it to stay.
Most of us though are rookies when it comes to the art of love and that’s completely ok. In fact,
it’s how it is meant to be. Understanding the essence of love and learning how to love and be
loved is all part of this glorious human adventure.
“#We trip and fumble as we make our way, but nothing's more perfect than where you are today.” #
The essence of pure love is a beautiful thing, but it’s a real tricky concept for the ego to
comprehend. So we learn the brilliance of love through the ever-present context of the ego’s
contrast. We all deserve to be in incredible, fulfilling and amazing relationships with the people
in our lives. We are also deeply worthy of having the same level of depth, connection and mind
blowing orgasmic bliss in our romantic relationships. The challenge is, most of us have some
serious ego blocks to allowing the flow of bliss and we often don’t know how to effectively
n#ourish our connections in romance land. #
Entering into the world of mind-boggling amazingness in love begins with taking a real solid,
honest look at ourselves. Getting real with ourselves is the first step towards relationship bliss.
Learning to be in absolute bliss with the most important relationship of all- the one you have with
you- is something we all struggle with in various capacities.
Radical Self Love is the process of aligning you with your true nature.
Call it God force, call it the Universe, call it Love– whatever your name for your higher alignment
is– Radical Self Love is the journey of uncovering all that you are and coming to terms with your
brilliance. Part of owning your brilliance embodies having the courage to admit we don’t know
everything. One of the greatest aspects of soul expansion resides in taking full responsibility for
yourself and your life.
You are the reason why you get the results you do. We are in our fullest expression and power
when we own this bold truth. Simply put it means you are the ONLY common denominator in all
your relationships and only once we step out of victim-life is happening to me- mode can we
begin to take our power back. It is only when we are in our alignment can we effectively look at
the inner blocks keeping you stuck in life and in love. It takes courage to do this work and a
massive amount of bravery to consciously design your life around your new awareness.
You are here because you are ready. We are only given that which we are capable of handling.
Your willingness to read these words indicates a willingness to go deeper and expand your
awareness. In this book, you will begin to clearly identify what is in your way when it comes to
love and set yourself on the path to yummy love filled alignment.
I explore the 12 most common ego archetypes which sabotage our love lives and block the flow
of love in all of our relationships; and effective tools to overcome them.
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© Kelsey Grant 2014 �3
Sabotaged Love: The 12 Archetypes Keeping You From The Love You Want
Why do people sabotage opportunities for love when what they really, really, really want
is a deeply fulfilling partnership or relationship?
The answer is simple: To love means to be fully seen, to be real, to be raw, to be naked, to be
vulnerable. Our egos do not want this to happen. If love is in the drivers seat, the ego is no
longer running the show. Ego can only thrive in love’s absence.
Our ego was established at a point in time when there were legit threats on our existence. At the
core, it is a mechanism to keep us safe and alive. However, the immediate threats to human life
(staying out of the reach of a sabre tooth tiger) have significantly shifted. In this day and age we
have evolved to the point where our lives are not being threatened to this extent but yet this
d#ominant protection mechanism continues to reek havoc on our potential. #
The ego thrives on fear and wants to keep you playing small and safe. When we buy into fear
and the illusions of the ego we give up our authentic power. Feeling powerless is always a sign
of misalignment. At some point or another we have all felt powerless in our relationships and it is
my intention with this book to support you in reclaiming your power and giving you tools to
support your re-alignment with love.
Love requires you to expand beyond the limitations of your fear, embrace your brilliance and
actually live this brilliance out loud in your life. Next level relationships require you to expand,
evolve and design your life on purpose. To do this, we are called to cultivate a profound
relationship with self-awareness.
# Self-Awareness Rocks"
The handy work of the ego is at play whenever you are deeply resistant and afraid of the idea of
change. The ego always wants to keep you playing safe and familiar even if this means being
unhappy and unfulfilled. Within this place of fear and resistance we are unable to objectively
look inward and clearly assess what is really at the core of our resistance.
Taking honest inventory on ourselves elevates our perspective. Inside this elevation, the blocks
we have unconsciously placed in our own way are gently brought to our attention. This elevated
perspective allows us to see these blocks through the lens of love. The lens of love is all
accepting and you guessed it- all loving. It doesn’t judge or go down the rabbit hole of blame,
guilt and shame. The lens of love sees all blocks as stepping stones towards your greatness.
The lens of love understands every experience you have had, was meant to be there, just as it
was- or it would’t have manifested in the first place. Without a commitment to self-awareness
and self-love this is a very challenging concept to digest, never mind accept.
Self-love gives us access to seeing our sabotaging archetypes from a place of awareness and
compassion. It gives us the tools to lovingly forgive ourselves, forgive others and move forward
powerfully. Love’s purpose is to bring into our awareness everything and anything that is unlike
itself, aka all our shit. Love brings it all up so we can clear it away and set ourselves free.
Being aware of all the blocks and crap we’ve put in our own way, puts us back in the power seat
of our lives. As our awareness becomes fine tuned our willingness to make behavioural choices
aligned with love increases and so does our effectiveness. As we expand into the brilliance of
love we activate our capacity to fulfill the epic potential we all have in life and in relationships.#
© Kelsey Grant 2014 �4
Sabotaged Love: The 12 Archetypes Keeping You From The Love You Want
Self-Love is Your Pre-Requisite for Relationship Soul Mate Bliss
Before we can ever be truly great with another we must have a foundation of greatness within.
We must know who we are and what we stand for. Radical Self Love leads us to explore and
connect to the radiant wisdom residing within you. When you learn how to love, accept and
compassionately embrace ALL of who you are- and yes this means the shadow aspects too-
y#ou are better equipped to unconditionally love and accept another human. #
Conscious relationships require conscious individuals. These are the types of people who are
committed to their own self-growth, self-awareness and evolution. People who are self-aware
and willing to dive into the dark spaces within from a place of awareness and love. Conscious
individuals make kick ass partners and provide the ultimate opportunity for relationship harmony
and success.
Why?
In conscious partnerships victim mentalities are NOT the dominant themes influencing
behaviour. Because conscious people are aware of their shadow and willing to work on
themselves to learn and transform these elements of their character, they have learned the
profound value of authenticity, accountability and responsibility.
When two conscious individuals meet in the context of a relationship the opportunity for epic
connection is amplified. Instead of victim mentalities running rampant, both people have done
enough work to understand this love equation:
Personal responsibility + vulnerability + an ongoing willingness to forgive + heightened
self-awareness + generosity of the heart + free flowing expression of love
(communication) = epic, intimate and soul connection.
People who understand their roles as conscious creators willingly open up to deeper levels of
connection and level up to new dimensions of being related- on the regular. A willingness to play
in the world of self-awareness ensures these individuals are well equipped to deal with their shit
and, as a result, continually play at higher levels of greatness. A shared desire for continual
growth and self-discovery is a non-negotiable in these next level partnerships.
Conscious relationships call us to new levels of greatness, abundance and love. Conscious
relationships do not mean conflict-free relationships. No relationship is ever going to be 100-%
harmony and bliss. We are human, we all have shit, sometimes we are shits and sometimes life
gets shitty. The difference in a conscious relationship is, these shitty times do not define the
relationship, instead they are used as a catalyst for self-discovery and soul expansion. Self-
discovery leads each partner to identify their individual blocks to love and guides them to
dissolve them with grace. Ultimately contrast in a conscious relationship leads to a more
intimate and love filled connection.
This book is the foundational first step in understanding how we get in our own way and to what
degree we block love. Until we know where we are, we remain stuck. Moving forward in a more
on purpose direction happens when we increase our awareness. In this book, I will explore the
most common archetypes, provide you with practical tools and resolutions to activate the
process of resolving the inner conflict.
© Kelsey Grant 2014 �5
Sabotaged Love: The 12 Archetypes Keeping You From The Love You Want
My intention with this book is to provide you with solid access to healing your archetype patterns
f#reeing you up to move forward towards a brighter more conscious love experience.#
I can say with full certainty I have played out every single one of these archetypes along my
relationship journey. If you see yourself in more than one, know it is completely normal and
compassionately embrace what you discover. It doesn’t make you a bad human if you have all
of these at play- in fact most of us will, just in varying degrees. Focus first on the truest ones or
the archetype that activates a massive ego eruption. Resistance is a sign you have identified an
aspect of your ego, go with it.
Above all else be gentle with yourself- we are all doing the best we can with what we have.
Remember there is no official manual for life and certainly no manual for relationships.
What we learn from Archetypes
Some of you may be wondering what the heck an archetype is and how it’s relevant to your love
life. Curiosity and your inner guidance system have lead you to this exact resource for a reason.
You are here on purpose and you are ready to receive this information or you wouldn’t be here,
period.
Archetypes are models of characteristics, personality traits and subconscious roles we all
embody to varying degrees. The roles we play can lead us to a greater understanding of the
world around us, of our relationships to other people and most importantly lead us back to
understanding and aligning with our most important relationship the one we have with
o#urselves. #
Archetypes help us to clearly understand what is going on behind the scenes of our behaviour. If
we freely choose the path of transformation, we will find the exact information, resources and
tools to heal and transform these shadow elements of ourselves. We give up the familiarity of
these archetypes in exchange for new perspectives, more effective ways of being and
behavioural patterns that bring out the best in us and in others.
Qualities of the archetype are just that- qualities of the archetype. As humans we have the
capacity to take on certain qualities, behaviours and ways of being. The driving force influencing
your unconscious behaviour is what I will refer to as the archetypes.
How this book is designed."
Each archetype will contain an overview into the specifics of archetype and it’s most common
modes of expression. You will also receive the psychological and spiritual insights active within
the archetype to support your full understanding. Both of these sections are designed to
increase your awareness of the soul lessons each archetype ultimately calls us to learn and
transcend. To support your healing, I provide Radical Self Love resolutions to activate the
journey of psychological and spiritual growth. Each chapter completes with relevant RSL
mantras to be used as supports to anchor in your new and expanded perspectives of love.
It is important to remember these archetypes are simply behavioural patterns. Like any habit,
we can re-write and re-establish new habits that truly support who we are and what we are up to
© Kelsey Grant 2014 �6
Sabotaged Love: The 12 Archetypes Keeping You From The Love You Want
in life. This book provides insight into what stops you in love, how to get out of your own way so
you can love and be loved in all the ways you so deeply deserve.
The resolutions and offerings in this book are a starting point. If you truly do things as they are
designed you will see the results. Ultimately your inner guide always knows what to do to
correct the errors in perception of the ego. The solutions are provided to give you access to your
hearts path, access to your inner truth, access to your inner wisdom and most importantly
access to the answers already residing within you.
Open Mind = Open Heart.
The best way to get the most of this book is to approach it with an open mind. An open mind is
always a prerequisite for an open heart. I lovingly invite you to embrace this book with an open
mind and the willingness to be radically honest about the ways you sabotage love. Your
willingness to transform what isn’t working for you, powerfully sets you up on your Radical Self
Love journey. As you do the work as it’s designed, your potential expands aligning you towards
the incredible journey of conscious love and relationship awesomeness.
You got this. Lets dive in.
Much love and bliss to you gorgeous,
K#G
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© Kelsey Grant 2014 �7
Sabotaged Love: The 12 Archetypes Keeping You From The Love You Want
Chapter 1. The Red Light Runner.
“You only see what your eyes want to see” ~ Madonna
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T#he Archetype
This archetype embodies selective “blindness” which often manifests as wildly deflective and
naive behaviour.
This archetype is characterized by a strong desire to avoid, ignore and justify the very obvious
red flags in a potential mate. When I say obvious I mean very obvious. Red flag behaviour such
as exploding in rage on the first few dates at a waiter, loosing it on a complete stranger, going
off about someone who cuts them off in traffic, becoming jealous or obsessive or moving really
fast and “jumping” into a relationship. These are all examples of behaviour’s triggering this
archetype to turn on the blinders and turn up the excuses. This archetype will turn a blind eye to
any unfavourable behaviour and if challenged by peers about it, will justify the behaviour to the
max.
This archetype is aware of the existence of these non-optimal character traits and is a master of
justifying non-optimal behaviour and making exceptions for shitty behaviour. This archetype is
most comfortable in a constant state of denial of reality and refuses to see what is really going
on right before their eyes.
Psychologically What’s Up
Denial is a function of repression and desperation. People with this archetype desperately want
to be loved and will grasp at any person who gives their lonely heart attention. Underneath this
is a deep belief in lack and limitation (I’ll never find love, there aren’t enough good available
men/women, I don’t think I’m good enough to be with someone amazing) leading them to ignore
red flags and be content in a relationship with anyone who will have them.
The strong unconscious association this archetype holds is that being in a relationship =
worthiness and being single = unworthiness. Underneath this perception is the dominant belief
that there is something wrong with you if you are single. To avoid the pain of the “being single
judgement” this archetype goes into overdrive, coming up with every excuse in the book as to
why their partners are complete jerks. Going to the defence of their partner ensures the
relationship status is upheld and the egoic idea of being good enough stays strong.
These people are so starved for authentic connection and love they often settle for any little
scrap they can get. Deep down they are convinced they’re worthless and unworthy of being
happy. If you don’t think you are worthy of happiness a healthy relationship is out of the
question. This leads them to unconsciously seek toxic partners to reinforce their model of “love”
and relationships.
Common Red Flags: "
- aggression
- belittling you, your life, how you look,
- making very vocal judgements about others
- aggressively grabbing arms, leg, neck
© Kelsey Grant 2014 �8
Sabotaged Love: The 12 Archetypes Keeping You From The Love You Want
- not letting you speak for yourself
- drama drama drama- always focused on the negative
- their friends give you the heebie-jeebies or they are just not pleasant to be around
- speaks poorly of former partners
- withholds info about their past (super secretive)
- flaky, makes and breaks plans last minute
- expects to be waited on or taken care of immediately with no willingness to return the favour
- guilt tripper
- avoids responsibility and doesn’t take accountability and never apologies when out of line
- bad family relationships (speaks poorly of them, estranged and refusal to explain)
- inflexible and throws a shit fit if ANYTHING has to change even if it's an emergency
- violence
- do not share core values/life goals
- withholds self-expression and discussing the relationship
People who avoid these toxic cues have been trained from an early age to associate love with
pain. This is likely due to a toxic childhood environment characterized by violence or an
abundant amount of turmoil and aggression. This early association leads the young brain to
equate pain with love and love equals chaos. The unconscious programming here, majorly
impacts the ability to develop a strong sense of perception and to pick up on toxic cues. When
toxicity is just a natural part of daily life early in life it becomes accepted as a normal part of life.
When it comes to relationships we unconsciously seek out familiarity, situations which mirror
what we learned love to be as young little humans. This archetypes understanding about love is
particularly damaging until an awakening to the truth of who you are, the truth of love and
relationships manifests. Without this awakening, we will continue to be pretty crappy judges of
character and keep accepting and allowing these lower level relationships to reek havoc on our
hearts.
Spiritually What’s Up
The presence of this archetype leads you towards taking inventory on your unconscious beliefs.
To do so, you will be called to learn to be present with yourself, tune into your mind and body
and become well acquainted with your emotional intelligence. It is within this expanded
awareness where you will begin to examine through the lens of love, your thoughts, ideas and
beliefs about relationships and their validity.
The dominant belief with this archetype is that being single is to be avoided at all costs because
being single means there is something defective with you. Being single means there is
something wrong with you as much as having a toaster makes you a piece of toast. Holding this
belief is completely absurd and deeply damaging to your self-esteem.
Being single means, you are single. THAT’S IT. All the other crap you tell yourself or allow
yourself to be told- is complete bullshit- stop it. Your spiritual lesson here is to learn to create
empowered meanings around being single AND being in relationships. You will have to face
head on all your internal judgements about yourself and others.
If you have no clue where to start- begin by observing the ideas you hold about people who are
single, what do you say in your mind? What assumptions do you make about them? Then do
© Kelsey Grant 2014 �9
Sabotaged Love: The 12 Archetypes Keeping You From The Love You Want
the same for people in relationships. What judgements and assumptions do you make about
their character and why they are in relationships?
Every judgement you cast about anyone or anything else outside of you is a projection of how
you deeply and unconsciously feel about yourself, but aren’t willing to address and accept- yet.
Your natural state is bliss. Relationships are a place where the love inside has the space to
expand and where you have the potential to create an experience of full blown bliss. For this to
unfold you have to get real with yourself about the crap you are still holding onto. You must
access the courage to not only face and identify your blocks to love but to transform them and
release them for your highest good.
You must learn acceptance is an inside job. Red flag avoiders accept whatever they can get
because they deeply want to be accepted and liked. The world will always occur as hostile and
unfriendly until you become your own best friend and cheerleader. You have to learn how to
accept and seriously like you. This is Radical Self Love to the max.
Finally, you are being called to learn and understand what love really is and what it really isn’t.
Anything that brings painful or violent thoughts, feelings or experiences, internally or externally
is NOT love. Anything that expands you, calls you to embrace your potential, brings out the
happiness, joy and ecstatic bliss inside of you to your awareness IS love.
Fear closes and contracts
Love opens and expands
RSL Resolution
Relationship inventory and detox is the first order of business for this archetype. Begin by listing
out all of your current relationships. Parents, siblings, friends, lovers, romantic partners,
business associates and do some serious soul reflecting.
WHY are these people in your life?
Do you keep relationships with them out of heart desires or obligation?
When you are around them who do you become- what qualities do they bring out in you?
Do you feel yourself around them? Can you be yourself around them?
Is the relationship balanced? Do they contribute to your life to a balanced degree that you
contribute to theirs?
Do you feel good around them?
How are you left feeling after an interaction with them- drained or energized?
Do they respect your opinion and allow you the space to express yourself without judgement?
How do they treat you?
© Kelsey Grant 2014 �10
Description:Love requires you to expand beyond the limitations of your fear, embrace your brilliance and actually .. They send the first funny meme and receive a.
