Teen Manners: From Malls to Meals to Messaging and Beyond

144 Pages·2007·0.93 MB·English

by  Cindy Post Senning

TEEN MANNERS
from Malls to Meals
to Messaging and Beyond
BY CINDY POST SENNING, ED.D.,
AND PEGGY POST
We dedicate this book to our sons—Dan,
Will, Casey, and Jeep—who shared with us the
joys and challenges of their teen years.
CONTENTS
C H A P T E R O N E
WHY ETIQUETTE? 1
C H A P T E R T W O
BUILD AND STRENGTHEN EVERY RELATIONSHIP 9
C H A P T E R T H R E E
KEEPING IN TOUCH 33
C H A P T E R F O U R
THE MANNERS AND ART OF MEALTIME 55
C H A P T E R F I V E
SCHOOL DAZE 71
C H A P T E R S I X
GETTING A JOB OR GETTING INTO COLLEGE 85
C H A P T E R S E V E N
SOCIAL SAVVY 95
C H A P T E R E I G H T
OUT AND ABOUT 115
INDEX 131
Acknowledgments
About the Authors
Credits
Cover
Copyright
About the Publisher
C H A P T E R O N E
Why Etiquette?
In this chapter we’ll cover:
1.Etiquette is really about relationships. It
can help you start new relationships and
build and strengthen those you already have.
2.Etiquette can shape the way you interact
with people and create the mood for your
day.
3.Etiquette can guide you in unfamiliar
situations and tell you what you can expect
from other people. It can make every new
situation a little easier.
4.Etiquette is about choices. You can act in
ways that are respectful, considerate, and
honest, or not.
T E E N M A N N E R S
A FRENCH WORD FROM YESTERDAY FOR TODAY
In the seventeenth century King Louis XIV had a
magnificent château with beautiful gardens and parks all
around it. Often, when he hosted parties, people would walk
all over the grass, pick the flowers, wade in the fountains, and
leave litter behind. They didn’t have formal gardens and
parks at their own houses and didn’t know how to behave.
The head gardener went to the king in great distress and
asked what he could do to keep things nicer. They decided to
put up little signs all the over the place:
f
KEEPONTHEPATHS
fENJOYTHEFLOWERS, BUTPLEASEDON’TPICKTHEM
f
STAYOUTOFTHEFOUNTAINS
f PLEASEDON’TLITTER
The French word for “little sign” or “ticket” is etiquette.
All these years later, etiquette still is simply a collection of
“little signs” to guide us in unfamiliar situations. That
guidance helps us get along better with others and feel more
comfortable everywhere.
WHAT IS ETIQUETTE?
When asked this question, people often respond:
f Saying please
f Manners
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W H Y E T I Q U E T T E ?
f Which fork you use
f Taking off your hat
f Thank-you notes
f Respect
f Caring for others
All of them are right. Some talk about specific manners,
and some talk about principles that help us get along.
Etiquette is actually a combination of both.
No matter what they think etiquette is, most
people agree that it is important.
WHAT ETIQUETTE IS NOT
f A little pinkie stuck up in the air
as you drink your tea
f A limp-fish handshake
f An officious, superior attitude toward others
f A bow tie and white gloves
f Old-fashioned and only for some people
A FORMULA FOR SUCCESS
Etiquette = Manners + Principles
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T E E N M A N N E R S
MANNERS MATTER
Manners tell you what to do in a myriad of situations. Are
you going to a wedding and wondering what’s expected?
There are manners that will help you out. Are you going to
your sister’s concert and trying to decide what to wear? There
are manners to guide your decision. Are you unsure how to
reply to a party invitation? There are manners to help you
respond, whether or not you can go. Sometimes manners tell
you what to do in specific situations; sometimes they tell you
what you can expect others to do.
PRINCIPLES MATTER MORE
So how do manners come into being? Who decides and
how? That’s where the principles come in. All manners are
rooted in just three principles:
1.Respect:caring for and understanding others just as
they are—whether they look different, come from
different cultures, or have different beliefs. It is
important to show respect for everyone with all his or
her differences and similarities. And you look to others
to show respect for you.
2.Consideration: thinking about how your actions will
affect others around you.
3.Honesty: more than just not telling lies. If the truth
might be hurtful, it means finding the most positive
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W H Y E T I Q U E T T E ?
FINDING THE POSITIVE TRUTH
Your grandmother has cooked all day to make a special dinner. She notices
you haven’t eaten the spinach and asks you, “What’s the matter? Don’t
you like the spinach?”
You don’t say,“Thanks, Grandmother,but I’m full” (a lie that will become
painfully obvious if you eat a huge piece of cake for dessert).
Instead, you find the positive:“You know, Grandmother, spinach has
never been my favorite, but this chicken is the best I ever had.”
You won’t need to worrythat she’ll expect you to eat a lot of spinach
again. And it had better be an honest statement about the chicken
because she will be sure to cook it for you!
way you can to tell it . . .or sometimes keeping silent.
These principles are timeless and universal. Manners, the
ways that people apply the principles of etiquette, change over
time and from culture to culture, but the
principles do not. It is respectful to greet
someone when you meet, but the
specifics of the greeting may be
different. In some cultures you
shake hands, in some you bow,
but in all cultures the
respectful thing to do is to greet the people
you meet.
You can trace every manner in this book
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