Solace: Finding Your Way Through Grief and Learning to Live Again

161 Pages·2009·0.62 MB·English

by  Roberta Temes Ph.D.

Solace
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Solace
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Finding Your Way Through Grief
and Learning to Live Again
Roberta Temes,Ph.D.
American Management Association
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Temes,Roberta.
Solace :finding your way through grief and learning to live again / Roberta Temes.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN-13:978-0-8144-1463-7 (pbk.)
ISBN-10:0-8144-1463-X (pbk.)
1.Grief. 2.Bereavement—Psychological aspects. I.Title.
BF575.G7T454 2009
155.9'37—dc22
2009009839
© 2009 Roberta Temes
All rights reserved.
Printed in the United States of America.
This publication may not be reproduced,stored in a retrieval system,
or transmitted in whole or in part,in any form or by any means,electronic,
mechanical,photocopying,recording,or otherwise,without the prior written
permission of AMACOM,a division of American Management Association,
1601 Broadway,New York,NY 10019.
Printing number
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Dedicated to the memory of my parents,
Eleanor and Irving Rempell
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Contents
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Author’s Note xi
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction 1
Chapter 1:What Is Bereavement? 5
Initial Numbness 8
Disorganization 11
Your Emotions Now 12
Your Needs Now 19
Reorganization 20
Chapter 2:Cause for Concern? 25
When to Worry 25
Can You Die of a Broken Heart? 28
Strange Things Are Happening 29
Are You Having Visitation Dreams? 29
Are You Having Flashbulb Memories? 30
Are You Having Hallucinations? 30
vii
viii Contents
Are You Forgetting About the Death? 31
Are You Crying? 32
Are You Suffering from Stress? 34
Chapter 3:Helping Yourself 39
Work Is Therapy 39
Socializing Is Therapy 40
Organizing Is Therapy 40
Taking Action Is Therapy 42
Food Is Therapy 43
Planning Is Therapy 44
Religion Is Therapy 44
Writing Is Therapy 45
Art Is Therapy 49
Learning Is Therapy 51
Reading Is Therapy 51
Sweet Moments 52
Chapter 4:Help from Others 55
Bereavement Groups 55
Disenfranchised Grief 58
Group Benefits 61
Bereavement Counselors—Pros and Cons 64
Repression 66
The Myth of Closure 67
Help for Military Widows 68
Your Funeral Director 69
Your Family and Friends 70
The Unhelpful 72
Financial Assistants 73
Finding Help on the Internet 74
Websites 76
Contents ix
Blogs 84
YouTube 86
Chapter 5:Rituals and Remembering 89
Funerals 89
Cremation 90
Green Burials 91
Eulogies 92
Mourning Customs 94
Monuments 96
Anniversary Days 99
Personal Rituals 100
Memorial Celebrations 101
Chapter 6:Helping Children Through Grief 103
Listening to Your Children 104
Speaking to Your Children 106
Understanding Your Children 109
Chapter 7:Novel Ways to Help Yourself 113
The Tapping Cure 113
Visualizations That Heal 117
Chapter 8:Your Future 121
Reinvention 123
Conclusion 126
Appendix 129
Bibliography by Chapter 139
Index 141