Smile Aerobics - PedagoNet

239 Pages·2012·0.93 MB·English

Smile Aerobics
Smile Aerobics
Facial Workouts
PedagoNet
Smile Aerobics Copyright © 2013
This book was produced using PressBooks.com, and PDF rendering was done by PrinceXML.
Contents
Introduction 1
part 1. Education
1. Teacher And Boots 3
2. Talking Pig 4
3. Test Q & A From Students 5
4. Affection 7
5. Penmanship 9
6. Adult Education 10
7. No More Lip Prints 12
8. School Answering Machine 13
9. Teacher Arrested 14
10. Chemistry 15
11. Baptism 17
12. Proverbs 18
13. Seminars For Men 20
14. Negotiations 21
15. Feline 22
16. Elementary School Quizz 23
17. English Language Instruction 25
18. Are You A Teacher? 28
19. Summer School For Men 30
20. Little Johnny 33
21. Computers - Male or Female 35
22. Thinking Outside The Box 37
23. Summer School Classes (For Women Only) 39
24. Incognito 41
part 2. Life
25. Are You Having A Bad Day? 43
26. Stones 45
27. Morals 46
28. Procrastinator's Creed 48
29. Golf Laws 49
30. Amphibians 52
31. Advice 53
32. Back Pain 54
33. In Love 55
34. Impulsiveness 56
35. Traffic Ticket 57
36. Superstitious 59
37. Dear Diary 61
38. Exercising 64
39. Feelings 65
iv
40. Recipe 66
41. Farmer 67
42. Physical Examination 69
43. Resolutions 70
44. Jesus And Satan 71
45. Reindeer 73
46. Senior Golf 74
47. Country Bumpkin 76
48. Christmas 78
49. Monks 79
50. Literacy 80
51. Viagra 81
52. Bull Fight 82
53. Debate 83
54. Canadian Baby 85
55. Nurse's Revenge 86
56. Noah's Ark 87
57. Table Talk 88
58. Italian Cookies 89
59. Never Touchin’ the Taser Again! 90
60. Driver ID 93
61. Newfoundland Ale Indulgement 95
62. Helicopters 97
63. Stevie and Tiger 98
64. Short Stories 100
65. Retirement Q & A 103
66. God And Forrest Gump 105
67. Surgical Wonders 107
68. The Golfer and the Leprechaun 109
69. Everything Has A Gender 111
70. Never Question A Drunk 112
71. Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder 113
72. Water vs Wine 115
73. Photography 116
74. Are You Too Old For Halloween? 118
75. Heaven and Ducks 119
76. Job Application 120
77. Alligator Shoes 123
78. Tips for Handling Telemarketers 124
79. What Do Retired People Do All Day? 125
80. Bull or Brilliance 126
81. Summer Job 128
82. Computers 129
83. Health Question & Answer Session 130
84. Jokes To Offend Everyone 132
85. Neck Ties 135
86. Jack The Newfie 136
87. Phone Calls 137
v
88. Amish 138
89. What Religion is Your Bra? 139
90. Italian Mafia 140
91. Wine Flu 141
92. Sisters 142
93. A Blonde and Her Horse 143
94. Men Are Just Happier People 144
95. Genealogy Of Jesus 146
96. Colds 148
97. Why Some Men Prefer Dogs To Wives 149
98. The Farmer And The Donkey 150
99. Lawyer Compassion 152
100. Italian Golfer 153
101. Two Cows 154
102. Claude The Hypnotist 157
103. Dating For Seniors 158
104. How To Sell Toothbrushes 159
105. The Miracle Of Toilet Paper 160
106. Texting For Seniors 161
107. Scotsman Moves To Canada 162
108. The Pasta Diet and Your Health 163
109. How-To Books 164
110. Canadian Jokes 165
111. Who Is Norma? 168
112. Because I'm A Man 169
113. Master's Golf 171
114. E-mooning 172
115. Speech Therapy 173
116. Longest Nerve In The Body 174
117. Skinny Dipping 175
118. Grandpa, What Is Sex? 176
119. Telephone Tower 177
120. Lunch With The Girls 178
121. Nasty Divorce 179
122. His Name Was Bubba 181
123. Newfie Diet 183
124. Medical Conference 184
125. Medical Diagnosis 185
126. Salesman 186
127. Quickies 187
128. Romance 188
part 3. Wit
129. Terminology 190
130. Hillbilly Medical Terms 192
131. Decisions 194
132. Canine 195
vi
133. Punderful 196
134. Friars 198
135. Linguistics 199
136. Food For Thought 201
137. Bio-engineer 203
138. Punderfully 204
139. News Flash 205
140. Bumper Stickers 206
141. Paintings 208
142. Advertisement 209
143. Compliance 211
144. Prescriptions For Women 212
145. More Chinese Proverbs 214
146. The Potato 215
147. Redefining 216
148. Mergers 219
149. Matrimony 220
150. Bad Day At Hallmark 221
151. Creative Puns For Educated Minds 223
152. Dead Penguins 225
153. The New Dictionary of Definitions 226
154. My Inconclusive Travel Plans 228
155. 20 Clever Words For Clever People 229
156. My Job Search 231
About PedagoNet 232
vii
If you have a face, this book is for you.
This book is a ten year compilation of emails received from visitors to my website.
(PedagoNet)
Guaranteed to make you smile out loud, this ten year compilation of humour and
laughs is divided into three categories: education, life, wit.
This book is classified as a jump around : page book markers are optional.
Start your facial workout now!
1
1
Education
1
Teacher And Boots
Did you hear about the Calgary teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his
cowboy boots?
Heaskedforhelpandshecouldseewhy.Evenwithherpullingandhimpushing,thelittlebootsstilldidn’t
want to go on.
Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.”
She looked and sure enough, they were.
It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on –this time on the right feet.
Hethenannounced,“Thesearen’tmyboots.”Shebithertongueratherthangetrightinhisfaceandscream,
“Why didn’t you say so?” like she wanted to.
And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.
No sooner they got the boots off and he said, “They’re my brother’s boots. My Mom made me wear ‘em.”
Nowshedidn’tknowifsheshouldlaughorcry.But,shemusteredupthegraceandcourageshehadleftto
wrestle the boots on his feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked, “Now, where are your mittens?”
He said, “I stuffed ‘em in the toes of my boots…”
Her trial starts next month.
3