Table Of ContentSiren Suicides
Second Edition
Ksenia Anske
Also by Ksenia Anske
The Badlings
Irkadura
Rosehead
Siren Suicides
Copyright © 2016 by Ksenia Anske
http://www.kseniaanske.com/
All rights reserved.
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bution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 license, http://creativecommons.org/
licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/.
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ISBN-13: 978-0-9861979-3-2
ISBN-10: 0-9861979-3-9
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my daughter, Anna Milioutina,
who gave me a new purpose in life when I became a
mother at eighteen. At seventeen, I escaped the violence
of my home life by running away. I was a suicidal teenager, the
result of an abusive father. Then, at seventeen, I got pregnant.
Giving birth to a baby girl drove the suicidal thoughts out of my
mind and filled me with new life. I am forever grateful for her.
This book is also dedicated to my partner, Royce Daniel,
who believed in me as a writer and helped me finish this book
by painstakingly reading and commenting on my writing every
single day. At thirty-three, I was suicidal again, from revisiting
my adolescence and discovering that my father sexually abused
me. Becoming a writer and writing out my pain in Siren Suicides
gave me the will to live once more.
Above all, this book is dedicated to every single human being
who has ever wanted to take his or her life and leave this world.
If you are thinking about killing yourself, please, don’t. Life is
beautiful, and it’s even more beautiful with you in it. It might
seem like there is no other way out at times, but, please, hang on
to it, hang on to me, hang on to this book. It gets better. There
is love everywhere, if only you’re willing to stretch out your hand
and ask for help. I know how hard it is; I know that it’s nearly
impossible. I know how painful it seems to continue living in
your body, continuing an existence that you hate. Please, ask for
help. I know you don’t want to, I know you don’t believe anyone
cares. I do. E-mail me at [email protected], tweet to me at
@kseniaanske, and I’ll respond back as soon as I can.
If you’d rather talk with someone anonymously, you can also
call the US Suicide Prevention line at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-
784-2433) or visit http://www.suicide.org/.
This book is available for free, forever, as a download from
my website, http://www.kseniaanske.com/. Why? Because I
have a secret wish. I wish that my novel will help save a life, or
two, or more.
Contents
Marble Bathtub ................................................................1
Bathroom Door ..............................................................17
Aurora Bridge .................................................................27
Lake Union ....................................................................37
Lake’s Bottom ................................................................49
Brights’ Boat ..................................................................57
Blake Island ....................................................................64
Stern Trawler ..................................................................81
Fish Factory ....................................................................91
Wet Lab .......................................................................102
Dry Lab .......................................................................114
Padded Cell ..................................................................122
Lifeboat ........................................................................136
Allen Bank ...................................................................144
Salmon Bay ..................................................................153
Fremont Bridge ............................................................164
Fremont Canal .............................................................173
Mount Rainier .............................................................184
Paradise ........................................................................201
Nisqually River .............................................................209
Douglas Fir ..................................................................219
Mud Lake .....................................................................227
Cascade Range .............................................................237
Brights’ House ..............................................................248
Marble Bathtub ............................................................258
Epilogue .......................................................................271
“The Sirenes (Sirens), daughter of the River
Achelous and the Muse Melpomene, wandering
away after the rape of Proserpina [Persephone],
came to the land of Apollo, and there were made
flying creatures by the will of Ceres [Demeter] be-
cause they had not brought help to her daughter.
It was predicted that they would live only until
someone who heard their singing would pass by.
Ulysses [Odysseus] proved fatal to them, for when
by his cleverness he passed by the rocks where they
dwelt, they threw themselves into the sea. This
place is called Sirenides from them, and is be-
tween Sicily and Italy.”
—Pseudo-Hyginus, Fabulae 141 (trans. Grant)
(Roman mythographer C2nd AD)
Introduction
Iw as breaking my head over how to write the introduction
to this second edition. I looked at heaps of books and read
heaps of introductions and none of them really helped me
with what it is I wanted to say, so I thought, “Fuck it. I’ll just
say it how it is.”
Why second edition? Why cut the trilogy from 249K words
down to 88K? Well, number one, Siren Suicides was never a
proper trilogy to begin with. The story simply didn’t fit in one
book and I chopped it in three parts and published it that way
(back then I didn’t know any better). Later I started getting
comments from readers like “Great book! But it sort of ends
abruptly…” and without batting an eye I would reply, “Oh, it’s
meant to be that way.” Still later I noticed that many people read
the first book but hardly anyone reads the second or the third,
and the message at the end of the third book is lost. In fact, the
whole point of the story is lost as it’s sitting snugly in the very
last chapter.
It wasn’t only me who was thinking this. Lots of readers in
their reviews mentioned it, the idea that editing it down could
make it better, and I thought, “Okay. All right. Fine. Let’s dive
back in and see what we can do.” And we did, or, rather, it was
mostly my new editor Sarah Grace Liu. Sarah sliced and spliced
and stitched and mended important parts together, and I wrote
a sentence here and a sentence there to fill in the gaps, which
weren’t that many.
What you’re holding in your hands is the result of this work
and the hope that this story will reach more readers and speak
to them as it spoke to me when I wrote it, back when I traded
suicide for writing books, this being my first. On the next page
you will see the original dedication that has been trimmed just
a little, and after that, the sirens will greet you with their cold
pitiless gaze.
And now, lots of thanks to lots of people who made this
book happen.
Thank you to all my readers who have encouraged me to
republish Siren Suicides as one book. There are too many of you
to list here. You know who you are. I love you. Thank you to
my Patreon supporters. You guys are supporting the printing of
this book and the giveaways and the shipping costs and much
more. Thank you to my daughter Anna Milioutina for design-
ing the new beautiful cover that keeps the original covers’ color
scheme intact—the grey Seattle skies, the rain, the water. I adore
it. Thank you to my editor Sarah Grace Liu for taking the time
to shrink this sprawling beast down to a neat orderly tale AND
NOT LETTING ME BUTCHER IT (I tried). Thank you to
Colleen M. Albert who edited the original trilogy and made me
believe in my story. Thank you to my formatter Stuart Whit-
more for making the interior of this book crisp and readable.
Thank you to my partner Royce Daniel who once more proof-
read the whole thing just in case some mistakes have been over-
looked. And, above all, special huge enormous THANK YOU
to Katya Pavlopolous and Christi Frey who have offered their
help in identifying the parts that could be cut and who have
painstakingly commented in red ink and in neon yellow high-
lighter and in black pen and in tears (I’m sure) on the printed
manuscripts and then shipped them to me and I shipped them
in turn to Sarah. You girls have started it all. You rock. I hope
you like the result.
