Table Of ContentS & L
HYNESS OVE
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Causes, Consequences, and Treatment
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SECOND EDITION
Brian G. Gilmartin
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This book is dedicated to the promotion of responsible free choice and self-
determination—something to which all human beings everywhere ought to be
fully entitled.
This book is also dedicated to:
(1) To Dr. Allegra Patten, a more breathtakingly spectacular and totally
unforgettable “natural wonder” than Machu Picchu. Dedicated to Allegra
with all of my deepest and eternal love.
(2) To Mr. Taras “the Gnome” Fortuna of Bradford, West Yorkshire, England,
my favourite male friend.
(3) To Mr. George V. Gilmartin, my father, without whose help this project
would never have been possible.
Also, special thanks go to Justin Urban and Seth Gobin whose work in the 2000s
helped make this reprint a possibility. Further acknowledgement goes to
Christopher J. K. Croal who funded this second edition. Mr. Croal would
personally like to thank his family and Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin for their help and
support.
Also by Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin:
THE GILMARTIN REPORT: INSIDE SWINGING FAMILIES (1978).
SHYNESS & LOVE: CAUSES, CONSEQUENCES AND TREATMENT, First
Edition (1987).
PREMARITAL BIRTH CONTROL (1988).
THE SHY MAN SYNDROME: WHY MEN BECOME LOVE-SHY AND
HOW THEY CAN OVERCOME IT (1989).
HOW TO EXCEL AT PARENTING: 33 PROVEN SUCCESS STRATEGIES
(2003).
Other books on love-shyness:
THE LOVE-SHY SURVIVAL GUIDE (2009) by Talmer Shockley
Table of Contents
List of Figures ix
Foreword xi
Acknowledgements xvii
Chapter 1: Introduction 1
What Is Love-Shyness? 4
Love-Shyness is a Serious Problem 7
Viewing Someone to Love as a Cure-All 15
Normative Timetables of Self-Revelation 17
Why This Book? 19
.
Love-Shyness Costs Society Money 24
Plan of the Book 27
PART ONE: THE BIOLOGICAL UNDERPINNINGS OF
LOVE-SHYNESS
Chapter 2: Love-Shyness and the Nature versus Nurture Debate 33
The Phenomenon of Inborn Temperament 34
The Work of Hans J. Eysenck 35
Love-Shyness and the Inborn Anxiety Threshold 38
The Importance of Social Stimulus Value 40
The Work of Alexander Thomas 42
The Jerome Kagan Work 44
The Importance of Enzymes 49
Some Related Work on Depression 53
Biogenic Amines 57
Anxiety Disease 59
Dopamine 65
Schizophrenia 65
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders 66
Conclusions 68
vi Table of Contents
Chapter 3: Societal Reactions and Elastic Limits 72
The “Wish Bone Effect” 74
The Sociological Perspective 78
Every Group Needs a Deviant 78
The “Apperceptive Mass” Concept 87
Conclusions 90
PART TWO: THE RESEARCH STUDY AND THE DATA IT
UNCOVERED
Chapter 4: How the Information Was Obtained 95
Who is “Love-Shy?” 95
Why Study Men Only? 96
The “Felt Deprivation” Concept 97
The “Closet Heterosexual” Concept 100
The “Male Lesbian” Concept 102
The Prevalence of Love-Shyness 107
How the Respondents Were Obtained 108
The Importance of LOVE-Shyness 115
Summary 116
Chapter 5: Love-Shyness: Its Intrauterine Beginnings 118
The East German Research 118
My Own Findings 122
Love-Shys as Quiet Babies 125
Chapter 6: Family Composition 134
Brothers and Sisters 134
Quality of Parents’ Marriages 141
Conclusions 142
Chapter 7: Love-Shyness and the All-Male Peer Group 144
The Key Importance for Dating of Friendship Networks 146
The Harlow Research 147
The Polish Peasant 147
Bullying 148
Frailness of Body Build 149
Masculine Toys 153
The Baseball, Basketball and Football Syndrome 154
Table of Contents vii
Most People Know What Is in Their Best Interests 158
Current Peer Group Interaction 170
Chapter 8: Beauty and the Love-Shy 178
The Need for Beauty 179
The Love-Shys’ Own Esthetic Attributes 184
Beauty and the Older Love-Shys 186
Cloning as a Future Option 188
Accentuating the Positive 195
Summary 196
PART THREE: THERAPY AND PREVENTION
Chapter 9: Practice-Dating Therapy 201
Behaviour Therapy Approaches 201
The “Practice-Dating” Model 203
Chapter 10: Some Therapeutic Adjuncts 231
The Nude Jacuzzi Experience 231
Therapy Employing Sexual Surrogates 233
Bibliotherapy 237
Why Not Simply Use Commercial Dating Services? 241
Self-Image Psychology as a Therapeutic Adjunct 249
Self-Image Therapy 255
Some Rejoinders for Traditional Psychotherapists 260
Chapter 11: Some Recommendations Concerning Prevention 266
Research on Gene Splicing 266
Bullying 267
The Cruellest Bully of All 272
Some Recommendations Concerning Dogs 278
Coeducational Dormitories: Their Limitations 281
The “Harrad” Dormitory Option 283
The Psychic Healing of Important Enzymes 285
The Effect of Increasing Social Interaction 286
The High School Curriculum 288
Ballroom Dancing 291
Religion 293
Encounter Groups 293
Might Fraternity Membership Help? 295
viii Table of Contents
Use of Autistic Adolescent Girls 301
Chapter 12: Some Final Thoughts 305
A Different Philosophy 307
What Is Needed 308
Judging a Person by Their Actions 319
Elementary School Children 320
Postscript 321
List of Figures
Figure 1: Eysenck Cross of Inborn Temperament 37
Figure 2: The Wish Bone Effect 75
