Short-term couples therapy: the Imago model in action

302 Pages·2006·6.32 MB·English

by  Wade Luquet

Short-Term Couples Therapy
Second Edition

Short-Term Couples Therapy
Second Edition
The Imago Model in Action
WADE LUQUET
Foreword by Harville Hendrix
New York London
Routledge is an imprint of the
Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business
Based upon the concepts of Imago Relationship Therapy© and the couples workshops developed by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of the best-selling
works Getting the Love You Want and Keeping the Love You Find.
Routledge Routledge
Taylor & Francis Group Taylor & Francis Group
270 Madison Avenue 2 Park Square
New York, NY 10016 Milton Park, Abingdon
Oxon OX14 4RN
© 2007 by Wade Luquet
Routledge is an imprint of Taylor & Francis Group, an Informa business
Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
International Standard Book Number-10: 0-415-95380-4 (Softcover)
International Standard Book Number-13: 978-0-415-95380-1 (Softcover)
No part of this book may be reprinted, reproduced, transmitted, or utilized in any form by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or
hereafter invented, including photocopying, microfilming, and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without written permission
from the publishers.
Trademark Notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation with-
out intent to infringe.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Luquet, Wade.
Short-term couples therapy : the Imago model in action / Wade Luquet.--2nd. ed.
p. ; cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 0-415-95380-4 (pb : alk. paper)
1. Marital psychotherapy. 2. Brief psychotherapy. 3. Communication in marriage. I. Title.
[DNLM: 1. Marital Therapy--methods. 2. Couples Therapy--methods. 3. Interpersonal Relations. 4. Psychotherapy, Bried--methods.
WM 430.5.M3 L966s 2007]
RC488.5.L826 2007
616.89’1562--dc22 2006009559
Visit the Taylor & Francis Web site at
http://www.taylorandfrancis.com
and the Routledge Web site at
http://www.routledgementalhealth.com
To Marianne,
my friend for life.
To Cory, Alex, and Aubree,
may you always look at the world with awe.

CONTENTS
List of Homework/Handout Sheets for the Couple xi
Foreword to the Second Edition xiii
Preface to the Second Edition xv
Foreword to the First Edition xvii
Preface to the First Edition xxi
How to Use his Book xxv
1 Making Couples herapy Work: Start With the Basic Ingredients 1
First, a Temperature Check 2
A Base of Respect and Trust 3
Basic Couples Skills 4
he Research of John Gottman 4
Emotional Intimacy as a Key to Attachment 5
Putting All the Ingredients Together 12
2 Introduction to Imago Relationship heory and herapy 15
Cupid and Psyche 16
Romantic Love 17
he Imago and the Brain 18
he Power Struggle 20
Commitment, Safety, Couples Dialogue, and the Stretching Principle 28
Reimaging Your Partner 32
he Container Process 33
Cupid and Psyche Revisited 34
3 Couples Dialogue: he Essential Skill 37
Couples Dialogue 38
Case Study: Mike and Linda 41
he Gremlins Under the Behavior 43
What Does Couples Dialogue Do? 45
vii
viii • Contents
4 Session One: he Cosmic Journey, the Brain, and Couples Dialogue 55
Connection: An Important Goal of the First Session 56
About the Lecture 59
Couples Dialogue 63
Dave and Diana: A Case Study 68
Dave and Diana: Session One 70
Session One 75
5 Session Two: Development, Childhood Experiences, and Mate Selection 79
Starting the Session 80
About the Lecture 80
About the Guided Imagery 81
Dave and Diana: Session Two 89
Session Two 92
6 Session hree: Developing Empathy and Reimaging the Partners 95
Starting he Session 96
Filling Out the “My Imago” Form 96
Using the Imago Workup 97
About the Lecture 97
Parent–Child Dialogue 99
he Holding Position 101
Dave and Diana: Session hree 102
Session hree 107
7 Session Four: Reromanticizing the Relationship 111
Starting the Session 112
About the Lecture 112
Caring Behaviors Exercise 114
Little Surprises Exercise 115
Belly Laughs Exercise 116
Mutual Relationship Vision Homework 117
Dave and Diana: Session Four 118
Session Four 122
8 Session Five: Restructuring Frustrations 125
Starting the Session 126
About the Lecture 126
Behavior Change Request Process 129
Dave and Diana: Session Five 133
Session Five 139
9 Session Six: Resolving Rage 143
An Option 144
Starting the Session 145
About the Lecture 146
he Container Process 147
Contents • ix
Follow-Up Plan 151
Dave and Diana: Session Six 151
Outcome Measures 155
Ten Years Later: A Follow-Up 156
Session Six 158
10 After the herapy 161
Follow-Up Plan 162
11 Being Creative With the Basic Format and Working
With Special Populations 167
An Eight-session Format 168
A 10-Session Format 169
A 12-Session Format 170
Additional Exercises 171
Special Treatment Populations 174
What If the herapy Does Not Work? 177
12 Case Studies 183
Staging in Couples herapy 183
“Just Fix It!” 195
Early Wounded Couples 198
he Rigid-Difuse Couple 201
Conclusion 208
Appendix I: Resources 209
Appendix II: he Eicacy of Short-Term Imago herapy 213
Appendix III: Brief Report 219
References 229
Acknowledgments from the First Edition 231
Homework and Handout Sheets for Couples 233