Table Of ContentWhat teens and others are saying about Secrets Girls Keep
“As media and commercial culture is putting increasing pressure on girls to
conform to standards that can be very harmful to themselves and their
relationships with others, Secrets Girls Keep gives teenage girls down-to-earth,
practical, heartfelt advice that will empower them to resist the pressure and take
care of themselves and others in these hard-to-grow-up times. Parents will thank
Carrie Silver-Stock for giving them this book to give to and discuss with their
daughters.”
—Diane Levin, Ph.D.
professor of education, Wheelock College,
and author of So Sexy So Soon
“The key to happiness is getting real and finding a way to be okay with who
we are . . . our authentic selves. How great would it be to learn how to tap into
this honest and open place as a teenager? When girls follow Carrie’s guidelines
for shedding their secrets and taking charge of their lives, the world has no
choice but to be a better place!”
—Deborah Reber
teen advocate, speaker, and author
“Secrets Girls Keep is compelling in its honesty, openness, and just plain good
sense. Written for teenage girls who face pressures that are almost impossible to
imagine, it models getting beneath the silence and shame that all too often
accompany life problems (loss, sex, abuse, eating problems, mood disorder) and
actively engages them in self-exploration and disclosure. A vitally important
book.”
—Stephen Hinshaw, Ph.D.
professor and chair, department of psychology,
UC Berkeley, author of The Triple Bind:
Saving Our Teenage Girls from Today’s Pressures
“I loved Secrets Girls Keep because it helped me figure out a lot about myself.
The book was very inspiring. I also loved the book because it helps me to talk to
my friends better and even my mom.”
—Tierra B., 14
“Teen girls are the future leaders of our families, workplaces, and
communities. Secrets Girls Keep is an invaluable tool for helping every girl
make the right choices for herself while growing up. Silver-Stock shows girls
how to find their own voice and path as they strive to become future leaders
while navigating the ups and downs of young adulthood. Every girl who is
determined to succeed will love the solid advice, straightforward approach, and
the real life stories shared by other girls.”
—Sandra Yancey
founder and CEO, eWomenNetwork, Inc.
“A heartfelt book dedicated to helping girls stay strong, brave and fearless.
Secrets Girls Keep is an honest account of growing up female. Every reader can
find a story she can relate to and the support she needs to make it.”
—Rachel Muir
fearless leader, Girlstart
“Carrie-Silver Stock has done a marvelous job of addressing the challenges
teen girls face. Let’s face it, it’s not easy growing up, but here’s a book that
provides real life stories, practical advice and seven ‘important’ tips to help teen
girls become more empowered, confident, healthy and productive. I will be
recommending it to all the teen girls in my life... and their parents, too.”
—Susan Kallash-Bailey
mother and CEO of Solutions with Heart
“At a time when we’re all looking for change, we can’t forget the coming
generations of young women in our world. Carrie’s book isn’t a ‘how-to’ book; it
goes much deeper, providing firsthand examples of why it might be a difficult
journey for young women in today’s world, but not an impossible one. The
Seven Tips should be memorized by everyone who is a preteen girl or knows
one.”
—Magi Henderson
youth services director, Glen Carbon Centennial Library
Secrets
Girls Keep
What Girls Hide
(& Why) and How to Break
the Stress of Silence
Carrie Silver-Stock, M.S.W., L.C.S.W.
Health Communications, Inc.
Deerfield Beach, Florida
www.hcibooks.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Silver-Stock, Carrie.
Secrets girls keep / Carrie Silver-Stock.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
eISBN-13:978-0-7573-9601-4 eISBN-10:0-7573-9601-1
1. Girls—Psychology. 2. Girls—Social networks. I. Title.
HQ777.S55 2009
155.5'33—dc22
2009023433
© 2009 Carrie Silver-Stock, M.S.W., L.C.S.W.
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.
HCI, its logos, and marks are trademarks of Health Communications, Inc.
Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.
3201 S.W. 15th Street
Deerfield Beach, FL 33442–8190
Cover design by Andrea Perrine Brower
Interior design and formatting by Lawna Patterson Oldfield
For every girl with a secret . . .
Too many of us think we’re the only ones dealing with a problem, or if we
share something personal, we’ll be judged, ridiculed, or looked down upon. On
the contrary, it is only by sharing our experiences (and our secrets) that real
progress begins and hope is born.
My deepest thanks to every girl who courageously shared her life stories,
secrets, lessons, and ideas. Your resilience, hope, and courage inspire me.
The stories in this book are written by real girls. In some cases, the stories are
composites and names, ages, and other identifying information have been
changed.
Contents
Why I Wrote This Book
Introduction: Seven Tips Every Girl Needs
to Deal with Any Problem
Chapter 1: Beauty Is a Beast
Chapter 2: Boys, Boys, Boys
Chapter 3: Best of Friends or Worst of Enemies?
Chapter 4: Funky Family Stuff
Chapter 5: Dealing with School, Now and Beyond
Chapter 6: Are You Cyber Savvy?
Chapter 7: Dealing with the Tough Stuff
Chapter 8: What’s Your Secret?
Acknowledgments
Share Your Secret
References
Resources
Meet Carrie
Why I Wrote This Book
This book is for every girl with a secret. That makes all of us, doesn’t it? Our
secrets . . . they help us, hurt us, and seem to be part of our rite of passage into,
through, and beyond the teen years. I think most teenage girls have secrets; some
cement our friendships, others come in the form of hiding behind a fake smile to
please a teacher, laughing at something even when we don’t think it’s funny, or
pretending not to have an eating disorder, addiction, or some other problem.
I don’t want girls to have to fake it anymore. I don’t want girls to hide their
fears, their pain, or their despair. I want us to be able to tell our truths, share our
secrets and stories, and give each other the strength and courage we need to be
ourselves and follow our dreams. It is by opening up and sharing that we take
steps toward our best lives. In a world that is changing and opening up with
more opportunities for girls and women, don’t we all want to put our best foot
forward to embrace these possibilities?
After all, you are amazing, courageous, intelligent, unique, and beautiful! Can
you accept that? Or are you going to let society brand you with one of its labels?
Unfortunately, you know labels get put on people all of the time. For teen girls,
you know what the list contains: the popular girl, the pretty girl, the jock, the
book nerd, the prep, the Goth, and the list goes on.
This book is about dropping the labels we’ve given ourselves and the labels
we’ve given one another. This book is about celebrating being girls and sharing
the ideas and secrets that connect all of us. I’m tired of all of us buying into what
society tells us we need to be in order to be accepted, pretty, and successful. It’s
based on the premise that we’re never beautiful enough, never good enough, and
worse, we better knock each other down to get to the top. I don’t believe it needs
to be that way. I want to start a movement where girls push back the stereotypes,
false labels, and images that surround us. I want to create a safe place where
girls create and own their biggest dreams, a place where we can support each
other, and a place where we take action in our own lives and the world around
us.
Unfortunately, so many of us block our own progress. One of our biggest
challenges is our secrets. Yes, secrets are a part of girlhood and the basis for
many of our friendships .Yet there are certain secrets we never want to share,
secrets about our eating disorders, sexuality, parent problems, insecurities, and
more. We fear shame by sharing them and worry we won’t be accepted, liked, or
understood.
If you’re a teen girl, this book contains the secrets to success, but you will
have to figure out your own formula. There’s no magic recipe that works the
same for each person, but I hope that by reading the stories I’ve collected from
other girls, and by applying the seven tips every girl needs, you’ll start to figure
out what you need on your journey. If you haven’t been able to dream or think
about what you really want in life, I hope this book will get you started! We all
deserve to have dreams.
The bottom line is this: I wrote this book because I’m tired of watching young
girls turn into teens only to lose that strong spirit that once roared within them.
I’m tired of watching girls walking with their heads down, losing their hopes,
putting down other girls, or never holding on to a dream. I’m tired of watching
girls ruin their lives with the secrets they keep about their bodies, low self-
esteem, sexuality, addictions, and suicide.
I’ve been a teen, watched teens, listened to teens, and talked to teens. I’m
alarmed by how many girls, including myself, have been caught up in the
whirlwind of media frenzy and societal pressures that tell girls what they are
supposed to be when what they want to be is often something quite different. I
know because I struggled with this problem.
Many people, and the images bombarding us on a daily basis, convince girls
that they have to be the perfect size, wear the perfect clothes, date the perfect
guy, make the perfect grades, get into the perfect college, and so on. This is both
tiring and overwhelming. How are girls supposed to be themselves when there is
such immense pressure to be perfect? So much pressure to fit in? So much
pressure to be sexy? The theme is universal with every girl I talk to: girls just
want to be themselves.
Many girls—and sometimes their parents—wonder what happened to that
little girl who used to not think twice about trying something new. What
happened to the little girl who would sing in front of a big crowd without fear?
Where is the girl who came home proud of the grades on her report card? What
happened to the girl who used to shake off negative comments made about her?
But then again, what about the girl who never could shake off hurtful
comments? What about the girl who never stood up for herself? What about the
girl who always did her best to blend in and not be noticed? What were her
dreams, and whatever happened to her, anyway?
