Secret keeping: overcoming hidden habits and addictions

320 Pages·2006·1.32 MB·English

by  Prin, John Howard

PRAISE FOR SECRET KEEPING
“A timely book! John Howard Prin takes the reader on a won-
derfully exciting journey of self-exploration and the develop-
ment of personal insight. He provides practical methods to free
ourselves of our ‘hidden secrets’ so that ultimately we can be at
peace with who we are even when no one else is around.”
— Patrick DeChello, PhD,
author of Understanding Self-Injury
“John Howard Prin’s Secret Keeping is the first book I’ve read
that explores the origins and essence of secrets — how they help
us and when they hurt us. Using examples from his own life and
the lives of others — from public figures to the guy next door —
Prin skillfully weaves a new quilt of understanding of the Jekyll
and Hyde in each of us. He also provides new and necessary
hope with a series of practical exercises we can use to transform
ourselves and our world.”
— Terrence Daryl Shulman, JD, MSW, CAC,
author of Something for Nothing
“Recovery means escaping from the labyrinth of one’s own lies.
John Prin’s book on keeping secrets lays bare the essential con-
nection between image management and a ‘secret life.’ A useful,
well-written book by someone who has been there.”
— Patrick J. Carnes, PhD, author of Out of the Shadows

SECRET
KEEPING

S E C R E T
KEEPING
Overcoming Hidden Habits
and Addictions
JOHN HOWARD PRIN
NEWWORLDLIBRARY
NOVATO, CALIFORNIA
New World Library
14Pamaron Way
Novato, California 94949
Copyright © 2006by John Howard Prin
All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a
retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechani-
cal, or other — without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer,
who may quote brief passages in a review.
The material in this book is intended for education. It is not meant to take the place of
diagnosis and treatment by a qualified medical practitioner or therapist. No express or
implied guarantee about the effects of using the recommendations can be given, nor
liability taken.
Case histories of individuals may be composites of two or more actual people, and
names have been changed to respect the privacy of those persons.
Secret Keepers®and Secret Keeping® are registered trademarks of John Howard Prin.
The Four Squares of Life™is a trademark of John Howard Prin.
Brain diagram on page 12by Robert Rath (www.robertrath.net) courtesy of Deidre Combs.
Text design and typography by Tona Pearce Myers
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Prin, John Howard.
Secret keeping : overcoming hidden habits and addictions / by John Howard Prin.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN-13: 978-1-57731-534-6(pbk. : alk. paper)
1. Secrecy—Psychological aspects. 2. Self-defeating behavior. 3. Compulsive behavior.
I. Title.
RC455.4.S43P75 2006
616.85'84—dc2 2006012255
First printing, September 2006
ISBN-10: 1-57731-534-0
ISBN-13: 978-1-57731-534-6
Printed in Canada on acid-free, partially recycled paper
Distributed by Publishers Group West
New World Library is a proud member of the Green Press Initiative.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
To Susie, whose loving patience and
support have never been a secret

CONTENTS
Introduction xi
PART 1.
THE SELF DIVIDED:
Problems and Consequences
CHAPTER 1. Who Are the Secret Keepers? 3
CHAPTER 2. What Are Unhealthy Secrets? 19
CHAPTER 3. How Secret Lives Seduce Us 35
CHAPTER 4. Where Our Secrets Stay Hidden 53
CHAPTER 5. Who Are You When Nobody Is Looking? 71
CHAPTER 6. Maximizing Pleasure, Minimizing Pain 87
CHAPTER 7.The Quest for Authenticity 103
CHAPTER 8. When Secret Keeping Goes Too Far 117
PART 2.
THE JOURNEY TOWARD WHOLENESS:
Solutions and Rewards
CHAPTER 9. Seeking the Help You Need 129
CHAPTER10. Finding Your Motivation 149
CHAPTER11. Preparing to Live Authentically 167
CHAPTER12. Committing to Coming Clean 187
CHAPTER13. Seeing the World through New Eyes 201
CHAPTER14. Authenticity in a Messy World 219
CHAPTER15. Transformation from Deep Within 237
CHAPTER16. Your Recovery from Today On 257
Acknowledgments 277
Notes 281
Recommended Reading 287
Index 293
About the Author 303