Relationship rescue: a seven step strategy for reconnecting with your partner

268 Pages·2000·1.148 MB·English

by  McGraw, Phillip C

R
E L A T I O N S H I P
R E S C U E
. . . . . . . . . .
Also by the author:
Life Strategies:DoingWhatWorks,DoingWhatMatters
The Life StrategiesWorkbook:Exercises and Self-Teststo Help You
ChangeYour Life
R
E L A T I O N S H I P
R E S C U E
. . . . . . . . . .
A Seven-Step Strategy
for Reconnecting with
Your Partner
. . . . . . . . . .
Phillip C. McGraw, Ph. D.
New York
VisitDr.McGraw’swebsitesat:
www.philmcgraw.com
or
www.relationshiprescue.net
Copyright(cid:1)2000PhillipC.McGraw,Ph.D.
Namesandidentifyingcharacteristicsofpeopleinthebookhavebeenchangedtoprotectthe
privacyoftheindividuals.
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybeusedorreproducedinanymannerwhatsoever
withoutthewrittenpermissionofthePublisher.PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica.For
informationaddressHyperion,77W.66thStreet,NewYork,NY10023-6298.
ISBN: 0-7868-7111-3
Book design by Lisa Stokes
First eBook edition: 2001
This bookis dedicatedwithlove and gratitude
to my wife, Robin,
who never stoppedbeinga wife even thoughshe became a mother,
to my sons,
Jay and Jordan,
who continueto inspire me to want to “do it right,”
and in lovingmemoryof my father,
“Dr. Joe” (alias the “old man”),
a man of deep passionand emotionwho overcamehuge odds to
positivelyimpactso very many.

contents
Acknowledgments ix
prologue
Get Real: ReconnectingwithYour Core 1
one
It’s YourTime; It’sYour Turn 5
two
Defining the Problem 20
three
Blowing Up the Myths 39
four
EliminatingYour Bad Spirit 64
five
Reclaiming Your Core: The PersonalRelationshipValues 94
six
The Formulafor Success 123
seven
Reconnectingwith YourPartner 162
eight
FourteenDays of Loving withHonesty 180
nine
Red Alert:RelationshipsAre Managed, NotCured 210
ten
The DoctorIs “In” 225
conclusion
A PersonalLetter from Me to You 250
Appendix 255
viii Contents
acknowledgments
IthankandacknowledgeOprahWinfreyforhercontinuingfriendshipand
belief inandsupportofmywork. Ithankherforhervisionforthisworld
and for sharing with me the platform of her show, which embodies her
commitment to bring a few moments of sanity and constructivenessinto
the days of those who watch. She remains the clearestandmostcompel-
ling voice in America, and has changed the fiber of our world by living
with integrityand courage.
I thankmywife,Robin,andmysons,JayandJordan,forbelievingin
“Dad,”andsacrificingpersonallywhileIhibernatedandworked.Allthree
showed nothing but enthusiasm and excitement for the project, never
once complaining or resenting the intrusion. A special thanks to Jordan
for his constant visits to the study and his lurking on the balcony above.
“Thanks, Peteski.” Myfamilylifts meupandlovesmewithoutcondition.
I thank them and continue to count on them as my soft place to fall. If a
man’s worth is reflected in the life and spirit of his wife and family, I am
trulya wealthyand blessedman.
ThankstoSkipHollandsworthforhispassionateandenergeticediting
ofthismanuscript.Skipwasunbelievablyhardheaded,argumentative,and
relentlessly committed to improving me and my manuscript. He accom-
plishedbothobjectives.Hishumor,hisall-nighters,andhistirelesstalent
for unraveling and untangling were such important ingredients to this
book.Thanks,Skip,foryourgreatspiritandfriendshiptome.You’vemade
a huge difference and are a true professionalin every sense of the word.
Jonathan Leach once again brought his unique writing and organiza-