Table Of Content“A beautiful book. A dialogical exploration of the human condition
drawing on science, philosophy, psychology, poetry, art, s pirituality –
which is to say, open, un-dogmatic, and resourceful. One feels appre-
ciation of life’s depths and surfaces, one’s own life and life of the
Other. The writing is down to earth, personal and accessible, drawing
on a rich background of human struggle, backslides and growth. We
are born all life long and the Work of the Other furthers contact with
the Work of Being.”
Michael Eigen, author of The Challenge of Being Human, The Sensitive
Self, The Psychoanalytic Mystic and Contact with the Depths.
“This book is an intriguing journey in search of our basic experience
of otherness in its various manifestations. There is a beautiful vari-
ance of voices that come together in a space of mutual enhancement.
The concepts of dialogue and of trueness are dealt with in a unique
fashion, in which the writers actively follow each other in the here
and now. They thus inspire a hope that we as therapists and as human
beings can rediscover our natural urge and curiosity for relations, for
opening to the unknown, for co-creating.”
Ofra Eshel, faculty, training and supervising analyst, Israel Psycho
analytic Society and Institute, and honorary member of the New Center
for Psy choanalysis, Los Angeles; author of The Emergence of Analytic
Oneness: Into the Heart of Psychoanalysis
“We can no more change our heartfelt commitments by talking to
ourselves, than by defensively reiterating them in divisive dispute.
But conversing with trusted others can. Glimpsing ourselves reflected
in their caring eyes, enables the kind of potentially transformative
self- distancing we can never achieve alone. Relational Conversations
explores this epitome of relational psychology with uncanny insight,
first by taking the psychotherapeutic dialogical interaction between
analyst and patient as paradigmatic of true otherness, and by reflect-
ing on it in a series of truly transformative non-Socratic dialogues.”
Menachem Fisch, professor emeritus of history and philosophy of sci
ence, director of the Center for Religious and Interreligious Studies at
Tel Aviv University, and author of The View from Within: Normativity
and the Limits of Self-Criticism; Creatively Undecided: Toward a
History and Philosophy of Scientific Agency; Dialogues of Reason:
Science, Politics, Religion and other books
Relational Conversations on
Meeting and Becoming
The Birth of a True Other
Demonstrating a relational, dialogic way of thinking and writing, this book
offers an innovative perspective on the human potential for intersubjective
engagement and on the nature of true encounter.
The authors engage in creative, associative dialogues and trialogues
inspired by psychoanalysis and Buddhism, poetry and religion, theory and
case studies, academic and free styles of writing – each enriching the other.
Reflecting on the essence of relating, they convey a flow between inner,
private reveries and shared ones, and between individual expressions of
thought and evolvements of newly born thirds. Through this interdisci-
plinary, experimental setting, the authors explore the possibility to reach
truths and meanings that each individual would not have achieved on
their own.
Offering new concepts and formulations that may nourish psychothera-
pists’ thought and be usefully implemented in their practice, this book pre-
sents a pressingly unique and essential viewpoint for psychoanalysts and
psychoanalytic psychotherapists in training and in practice.
Michal Barnea-Astrog is a writer, senior Hakomi trainer and therapist in pri-
vate practice. She teaches seminars on the dialogue between psychoanalysis
and Buddhism and is the founder and head of the Three-Year Hakomi Train-
ing in Israel. She is the author of Carved by Experience: Vipassana, Psycho
analysis and the Mind Investigating Itself (Karnac, 2017), Psychoanalytic and
Buddhist Reflections on Gentleness: Sensitivity, Fear and the Drive Towards
Truth (Routledge, 2019), and the novels Migration (Pardess, 2021) and The
Coming Years (Shta’yim, 2022).
Mitchel Becker is a clinical psychologist in private practice. He teaches
courses on the work of Wilfred Bion at the Psychotherapy Programs of Bar
Ilan University. Mitchel’s articles have been published in many psychoanalytic
journals. He has written chapters in The Comprehensive Handbook of Psycho
therapy Integration (eds. Stricker & Gold, Springer, 1993) and in The Spiritual
Psyche in Psychotherapy (eds. Pearson & Marllo, Routledge, 2021).
RELATIONAL PERSPECTIVES BOOK SERIES
ADRIENNE HARRIS, STEVEN KUCHUCK & EYAL ROZMARIN
Series Editors
STEPHEN MITCHELL
Founding Editor
LEWIS ARON
Editor Emeritus
The Relational Perspectives Book Series (RPBS) publishes books that grow out of
or contribute to the relational tradition in contemporary psychoanalysis. The term
relational psychoanalysis was first used by Greenberg and Mitchell1 to bridge the tra-
ditions of interpersonal relations, as developed within interpersonal psychoanalysis
and object relations, as developed within contemporary British theory. But, under
the seminal work of the late Stephen A. Mitchell, the term relational psychoanalysis
grew and began to accrue to itself many other influences and developments. Various
tributaries—interpersonal psychoanalysis, object relations theory, self psychology,
empirical infancy research, feminism, queer theory, sociocultural studies and ele-
ments of contemporary Freudian and Kleinian thought—flow into this tradition,
which understands relational configurations between self and others, both real and
fantasied, as the primary subject of psychoanalytic investigation.
We refer to the relational tradition, rather than to a relational school, to highlight
that we are identifying a trend, a tendency within contemporary psychoanalysis, not a
more formally organized or coherent school or system of beliefs. Our use of the term
relational signifies a dimension of theory and practice that has become salient across the
wide spectrum of contemporary psychoanalysis. Now under the editorial supervision
of Adrienne Harris, Steven Kuchuck and Eyal Rozmarin, the Relational Perspectives
Book Series originated in 1990 under the editorial eye of the late Stephen A. Mitchell.
Mitchell was the most prolific and influential of the originators of the relational tradi-
tion. Committed to dialogue among psychoanalysts, he abhorred the authoritarianism
that dictated adherence to a rigid set of beliefs or technical restrictions. He championed
open discussion, comparative and integrative approaches, and promoted new voices
across the generations. Mitchell was later joined by the late Lewis Aron, also a vision-
ary and influential writer, teacher and leading thinker in relational psychoanalysis.
Included in the Relational Perspectives Book Series are authors and works that
come from within the relational tradition, those that extend and develop that tradi-
tion, and works that critique relational approaches or compare and contrast them
with alternative points of view. The series includes our most distinguished senior
psychoanalysts, along with younger contributors who bring fresh vision. Our aim is
to enable a deepening of relational thinking while reaching across disciplinary and
social boundaries in order to foster an inclusive and international literature.
A full list of titles in this series is available at https://www.routledge.com/Relational-
Perspectives-Book-Series/book-series/LEARPBS.
1 Greenberg, J. & Mitchell, S. (1983). Object relations in psychoanalytic theory. Cambridge,
MA: Harvard University Press.
Relational Conversations on
Meeting and Becoming
The Birth of a True Other
Edited by Michal Barnea-Astrog
and Mitchel Becker
Cover image: Michal Helfman, untitled.
First published 2023
by Routledge
4 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN
and by Routledge
605 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10158
Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business
© 2023 selection and editorial matter, Michal Barnea-Astrog and Mitchel
Becker; individual chapters, the contributors
The right of Michal Barnea-Astrog and Mitchel Becker to be identified
as the authors of the editorial material, and of the authors for their
individual chapters, has been asserted in accordance with sections 77 and
78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced
or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means,
now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording,
or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in
writing from the publishers.
Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks
or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and
explanation without intent to infringe.
British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Barnea-Astrog, Michal, editor. | Becker, Mitchel, 1957- editor.
Title: Relational conversations on meeting and becoming : the birth of a
true other / edited by Michal Barnea-Astrog and Mitchel Becker.
Description: Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon ; New York, NY : Routledge,
2023. | Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2022028255 (print) | LCCN 2022028256 (ebook) |
ISBN 9781032351407 (hardback) | ISBN 9781032351414 (paperback) |
ISBN 9781003325499 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Psychoanalysis. | Dialogue analysis. | Other (Philosophy)
Classification: LCC BF175.4.P45 R45 2023 (print) | LCC BF175.4.P45
(ebook) | DDC 150.19/5—dc23/eng/20220629
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022028255
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022028256
Every effort has been made to contact copyright-holders. Please advise
the publisher of any errors or omissions, and these will be corrected in
subsequent editions.
ISBN: 978-1-032-35140-7 (hbk)
ISBN: 978-1-032-35141-4 (pbk)
ISBN: 978-1-003-32549-9 (ebk)
DOI: 10.4324/9781003325499
Typeset in Times New Roman
by KnowledgeWorks Global Ltd.
To all those who seek true dialogue
Contents
Acknowledgements ix
List of Contributors x
Foreword xiii
PART I
First Dialogue: Creation and the True Other 1
MITCHEL BECKER AND RINA LAZAR
1 The Birth of a True Other 3
MITCHEL BECKER
2 Meeting the Ultimate Other: Allowing the Creation 15
RINA LAZAR
3 In the Beginning There Was an Other 29
MITCHEL BECKER
First Associative Trialogue: I Call Out to You 35
IRENE BLEIER LEWENHOFF, MICHAL BARNEA-ASTROG AND MITCHEL BECKER
PART II
Second Dialogue: Becoming, Spaciousness and Vitality 55
MICHAL BARNEA-ASTROG AND YORAI SELLA
4 Going on Being: On the Fear of Ceasing and the Need to Go On 57
MICHAL BARNEA-ASTROG
5 Making Space for the Mess: The At-One-Ment of Going-On-Being 74
YORAI SELLA
