Reconcilable Differences: Rebuild Your Relationship by Rediscovering the Partner You Love--without Losing Yourself

370 Pages·2014·5.006 MB·English

by  Andrew Christensen, Brian D. Doss, Neil S. Jacobson

ebook
THE GUILFORD PRESS
Praise for
Reconcilable Differences
“One virtue of the book is its utter realism. . . . Offers a slew of tools that couples can
use to reconcile their differences without the help of a therapist.”
—Jane Brody, The new york Times
“When partners fight, they often push each other to change. But seeing conflicts
from the other’s perspective helps move the couple away from anger and blame.
This invaluable book provides concrete strategies to do just that. With a deeper
understanding of your partner’s emotional vulnerabilities, you can build trust and
intimacy, and maybe even bring about the changes that matter most to you.”
—Janis aBrahms spring, phd, author of after the affair
“No matter how many books you have read to improve your relationship, read this
one, and follow the research-based principles it presents! The authors are interna-
tionally known scientists who have produced a book that all couples need to read.
It’s not the differences between you and your partner that matter, but how you
handle them, and this book shows exactly how and why.”
—howard J. markman, p hd, coauthor of Fighting for your marriage
“This deceptively simple book can change lives. You and your partner will learn
numerous ways to accept each other and achieve a new level of happiness and
comfort in your relationship. The genius of the book is that these techniques are
not difficult, and they can help put an end to perpetual conflict.”
—pepper schwarTz, phd, coauthor of The normal Bar: The surprising secrets of
happy couples and what They reveal about creating a new normal in your relationship
“It is often so difficult for quarreling couples to find a way through the thicket of
blame, accusation, and resentment that ensnares them, but this splendid book
illuminates some pathways out. The first edition was terrific, but this revision goes
beyond it, bringing in new research, fresh ideas, and, as usual, practical solutions.
All couples who find themselves enduring repeated conflicts—which is to say,
nearly all couples—will benefit from this fine book.”
—carol Tavris, phd, coauthor of mistakes were made (but not by me)
“There are lots of books for couples that make interesting reading, and some that
provide specific, doable suggestions for improving your relationship, but just a
handful—including this one—based on principles that have been scientifically
shown to work. Any couple that wants to better understand and overcome prob-
lems in their relationship will find this book a great place to start.”
—w. kim halFord, phd, school of psychology, University of Queensland, australia
“Gives several guides to building acceptance.”
—Usa Today
“Packed with data, wisdom, and common sense.”
—polly drew, milwaukee Journal sentinel

Reconcilable Differences

Reconcilable
Differences
second ediTion
Rebuild Your Relationship by Rediscovering
the Partner You Love— without Losing Yourself
andrew c hrisTensen, PhD
Brian d. d oss, PhD
neil s . JacoBson, PhD
The Guilford Press
new york london
© 2014 The Guilford Press
A Division of Guilford Publications, Inc.
72 Spring Street, New York, NY 10012
www.guilford.com
All rights reserved
The information in this volume is not intended as a substitute for consultation
with healthcare professionals. Each individual’s health concerns should be
evaluated by a qualified professional.
No part of this book may be reproduced, translated, stored in a retrieval
system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, microfilming, recording, or otherwise, without written permission
from the publisher.
Printed in the United States of America
This book is printed on acid-free paper.
Last digit is print number: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in- Publication Data
Christensen, Andrew, 1946–
Reconcilable differences : rebuild your relationship by rediscovering
the partner you love—without losing yourself / Andrew Christensen,
Brian D. Doss, and Neil S. Jacobson. — Second edition
pages cm
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-1-4625-0243-1 (pbk.) — ISBN 978-1-4625-1231-7 (hardcover)
1. Couples. 2. Man–woman relationships. 3. Interpersonal
communication. 4. Interpersonal relations. 5. Conflict management.
I. Doss, Brian David, 1975– II. Jacobson, Neil S., 1949–1999 III. Title.
HQ801.C4867 2014
306.7—dc23
2013037587
During the production phase for the first edition of this book,
Neil S. Jacobson died suddenly and unexpectedly. His death is
an incalculable loss to his family and friends and to the three
fields in which he was a leading scholar and researcher:
marital therapy, domestic violence, and depression.
As his close collaborator and friend for years, I miss him
greatly. This book is dedicated to his honor and memory.
—A. C.